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Today, I met my new roommate. She has a life-size cardboard cutout of Justin Bieber in her room, which I've seen her having actual conversations with twice already. I have to share a bedroom with this psycho. FML

#20640984
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53440) - you deserved it (4438)

On 05/04/2013 at 1:46pm - misc - by immovingout (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend and I were getting intimate in the backseat of his car, when a police car pulled up behind us. My mom later told me that intimacy was fine, just not in a car. We were in the car because she told me that intimacy was fine, just not in her house. FML

#20677651
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52694) - you deserved it (12038)

On 05/21/2013 at 12:09pm - intimacy - by backseatbusted (woman) - United States

Today, at the supermarket, a man collapsed. I gave CPR while the cashier called for help. During this, the other patrons were complaining that no other register was open. Once the ambulance arrived, I returned to my cart to find items removed and 40 dollars taken from my purse. FML

#20666447
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (66327) - you deserved it (3641)

On 05/16/2013 at 12:39am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Ohio)

Today, I lost my virginity. Not only did my parents somehow find out, they posted about it on Facebook. FML

#20730822
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49058) - you deserved it (10213)

On 06/17/2013 at 1:54am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend actually yelled, "Why are you making this all about YOU?!" after I confronted her over cheating on me. FML

#20681698
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46332) - you deserved it (2727)

On 05/23/2013 at 12:40pm - love - by a single fuck (man) - Germany (Berlin)

Today, a few freshmen jumped my fence. They decided to take a dip in the pool, so I pulled out a paintball gun. I unloaded over 100 rounds, painting their backs bright yellow. It also dyed my pool yellow, and it'll apparently cost around $500 to repair. FML

#20691900
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30392) - you deserved it (54673)

On 05/28/2013 at 8:48pm - money - by pool party - United States (Illinois)

Today, I returned home from an extended vacation only to find out my cousin wasn't kidding when he said he was going to steal my boyfriend. I thought I was dating a straight guy. FML

#20761976
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43523) - you deserved it (3209)

On 07/03/2013 at 4:56pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, at work, a customer came in and ordered a "Butterbeer Frappuccino." When I said we serve no such thing, she yelled at me for "lying" to her, saying she knew about our "secret menu." She ended up complaining to my manager and demanded that he fire me. FML

#20714023
190 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52820) - you deserved it (4002)

On 06/08/2013 at 6:20pm - work - by I hate my job (woman) - United States

Today, I got to drive my mom's car. I'd recently watched the new Fast and Furious movie, I thought it'd be fun to drift around a few corners. I ended up smashing straight into someone's front yard. FML

#20712154
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19630) - you deserved it (110278)

On 06/07/2013 at 6:00pm - money - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I threw a birthday party for my boyfriend. As a joke, my friend and I served him non-alcoholic beer to see how he'd react. After a while, he faked being drunk, using it as an excuse after I caught him making out with one of my so-called "friends". FML

#20709553
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53163) - you deserved it (10674)

On 06/06/2013 at 12:32pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Senegal

Today, I woke up to my bratty younger sister cutting through my hair with a pair of scissors. I now look like a freak, and my mum bitched me out for being angry, all because my sister claimed she'd been sleep-walking. Her demented smirk said otherwise. FML

#20729503
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49009) - you deserved it (2768)

On 06/16/2013 at 2:49pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - France (Provence-Alpes-Cote d'Azur)

Today, my boyfriend threw out my old voicemail recorder, thinking it was junk. My father passed away years ago. I kept a recording of the last voicemail he'd left me on it so I'd always remember his voice. FML

#20718168
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (76431) - you deserved it (3856)

On 06/10/2013 at 7:35pm - misc - by Upset (woman) - United States

Today, my daughter found out what happens when my husband watches Mythbusters and doesn't heed the disclaimer to "Not try this at home." He feels bad about her cut face, but says he's proud he can throw a playing card that hard. FML



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