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Today, I was driving my 7-year-old daughter to school, when out of nowhere a bird smashed into the windshield. Instead of screaming or being traumatized by the gore like me, my daughter started laughing, eventually calling the bird a "stupid bastard". FML

#21190484
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46214) - you deserved it (8331)

On 06/27/2014 at 4:22pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - Spain (Comunidad Valenciana)

Today, my little sister started freaking out, because she was playing with some white-out eraser and got some on her finger. She started crying inconsolably because she thought her entire finger was going to disappear. FML

#21198613
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38968) - you deserved it (4132)

On 07/04/2014 at 3:41pm - kids - by neryc (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I had a rough day and was extremely tired. I took a nap on the couch, and woke up to a guy robbing my house. I pretended I was still sleeping, waiting a chance to grab him or run out safely. I ended up falling back asleep. FML

#21219246
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41621) - you deserved it (21410)

On 07/24/2014 at 11:59am - misc - by FML - United States (Virginia)

Today, my idiot son tried to get a veteran's discount at American Eagle because he's "a fifth prestige" on Call of Duty. FML

#21233179
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42241) - you deserved it (6137)

On 08/09/2014 at 9:31am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I saw a customer at the restaurant I work at lovingly petting his cheeseburger and whispering sweet promises to it. FML

#21234388
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35098) - you deserved it (3324)

On 08/10/2014 at 10:22pm - work - by weirded out (man) - United States (California)

Today, I got on one knee in front of my girlfriend. I pulled out the ring, uttered the words "Lisa, will you..." then abruptly shat my pants. FML

#21271177
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42653) - you deserved it (5141)

On 10/05/2014 at 11:47am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I found out my 7-year-old daughter really did lie about my husband's "other girlfriend" as revenge for being grounded, and that he never cheated on me at all. We're well into our divorce proceedings and he won't forgive me for not believing him when he denied it. FML

#21327839
303 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23311) - you deserved it (42251)

On 12/31/2014 at 2:00pm - kids - by skanula414 (woman) - Sweden (Skane Lan)

Today, my elderly neighbour told me why my other neighbours don't talk to me. I'm a massage/physical therapist and treat clients, mostly athletes, in my home. My neighbours saw the steady stream of young, buff guys coming to my house and concluded that I'm a gay prostitute. FML

#21327463
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33126) - you deserved it (2636)

On 12/30/2014 at 10:34pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, my girlfriend gave me my first handjob. I was nervous, so when she went to do it, I panicked and yelled, "Firmly grasp it!" She then couldn't stop laughing because it was a line from SpongeBob. FML

Today, I went to the UK for the first time, and had the most amazing time with my girlfriend, catching it all on tape. When I got back to South America, I realized someone had stolen my camera. FML

#892
22 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19682) - you deserved it (2127)

On 01/09/2009 at 4:02am - misc - by Wex - Chile (Antofagasta)

Today, a woman at the crowded mall stopped me and told me loudly that if I bought her product it would get rid of my acne. FML

#974
27 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19241) - you deserved it (1846)

On 01/11/2009 at 3:59pm - health - by EpicFail - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I fell asleep in English and drooled on my test. Evidently everyone noticed. FML

#1218
26 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6367) - you deserved it (16627)

On 01/15/2009 at 10:05am - misc - by Erin - United States (Virginia)

Today, wanting to change from the usual pizza/coca cola menu, I decide to cook. After spending 1h30 making a "beef chili with ancho, mole, and cumin" I sprinkle a bit of salt on top of it. The top came off the salt. I think it's back to pizzas for me. FML

#1229
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18825) - you deserved it (3105)

On 01/15/2009 at 11:00am - health - by j0j0 - France (Aquitaine)



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  • Oi! Stop "playing" that digeridoo and get out! There, now that I've tidied up my apartment, we can begin. How are you all doing? Have you got your leather jacket out of storage to go hang out down at…

Thursday 22 January 2015

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