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Today, I discovered a bunch of emails from my old account that weren't forwarded to my new one. Because of this, I missed a job offer and all the emails from my long distance boyfriend asking if he could visit. I still don't have a job and I broke up with him because he "failed to communicate." FML

by technologyfail / 08/26/2009 at 2:18am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend told me she didn't want to get it on with me because she didn't want to ruin my innocence. FML

by Magnus_the_Red / 09/09/2009 at 12:13am / United States (Nebraska) / Intimacy

Today, a McDonald's employee had to correct my math after counting out $2.37 in change. I'm in AP Calculus and am currently learning how to find the derivative of an inverse of a logarithm. FML

by Links / 11/20/2009 at 2:26am / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got invited out by friends for coffee after I broke up with my boyfriend. When I told my mom where I was going, she looked at me and said, "But you don't have friends. All your friends are pixels. Where are you really going?" FML

by friendless / 12/03/2009 at 1:12am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went on a date with the hottest guy I've ever met. He is also rich and successful, and would probably be perfect for me, if only he could stop bragging about it. FML

by OTZ / 01/26/2010 at 6:30am / Love

Today, my little brother learned to write his name. How did he tell the family? By writing it in permanent marker all over my 100 year old piano. FML

by onemoreruinedthing / 01/23/2010 at 7:26pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids

Today, I looked at my face to see if my new age-defying lotion was working. My skin does look younger, it's covered in pimples like a teenager's. FML

by pizzaface / 03/15/2010 at 7:50am / United States (Illinois) / Health

Today, I found a big spider on my wall. I have arachnophobia, and I was trying to kill it with my shoe. I pulled back and hit myself in the face, causing me to fall backwards. The spider is still alive somewhere in my house. FML

by jillydark6609 / 09/19/2010 at 2:21am / United States (Indiana) / Animals

Today, my father told me to stop purposely singing out of tune because it was annoying. I wasn't doing it on purpose; it's my real voice. FML

by noonotme / 09/05/2010 at 5:51pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to my boyfriend's apartment to surprise him with breakfast only to find that his other girlfriend had beat me to it. FML

by k.love / 06/22/2010 at 8:59am / United States (Utah) / Love

Today, I now know why my next-door neighbour can't look me in the eye without smirking. He can hear every grunt, groan, fart and strain that happens in my bathroom from his bathroom. FML

by Username / 01/20/2011 at 10:55pm / Health

Today, I was talking to a co-worker about birth control. Ten minutes later, I went to my sent e-mails to copy and reuse an old e-mail and realized I had sent "I tried calling you but your birth control is not working" to a student. It was supposed to say "voicemail". FML

by OverWorked1 / 01/19/2011 at 10:59pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, I was hiking, and four miles away from my car and civilization, I tripped over a rock into a cactus. I used duct tape, which ripped all the hair off my arms and legs but ignored the spikes. FML

by Broderick / 03/26/2011 at 2:32am / United States (Texas) / Health