Choose the period

Choose a category

Agreed
Commented
Favorited

Today, my dad came up behind me with a pair of scissors, and pretended to snip away at my hair. I was sure he was joking, so I just sat there and didn't react. Later, I felt the back of my head and looked at my hand. Suffice it to say, I now have a large bald patch on the back of my head. FML

by Anonymous / 12/10/2010 at 4:59pm / New Zealand (Hawke's Bay) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had a show with my drama group. My mom isn't a good drunk, she decided to scream along to every song and pass out halfway through. She was in the front row. FML

by Anonymous / 01/06/2011 at 11:46am / United Kingdom (Aberdeen City) / Miscellaneous

Today, I made it my life goal to own a towel heater. FML

by Ahlph / 05/20/2011 at 12:43am / Miscellaneous

Today, I was confronted by my father after I got back home from a party in the early hours. He demanded to know if I'd been doing any drugs, and then decided to give me a scare lecture on the dangers of alcohol. I'd had a few beers. He had the smell of tequila on his breath. FML

by Anonymous / 09/30/2011 at 10:18pm / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous

Today, my parents came to visit me. I bought boxers and cologne to make it look like I had a man here. I've been single since I moved away. FML

by Anonymous / 09/29/2011 at 9:33pm / United States / Love

Today, I was walking through my house when I noticed bits of plaster falling from the ceiling. Against all logic, I looked up, receiving a fragment directly in the eyeball. FML

by swirkishly / 11/24/2011 at 11:06am / United States (Kentucky) / Miscellaneous

Today, my husband threw up in the shower after drinking almost a whole bottle of wine. The shower won't drain now. Happy Thanksgiving. FML

by emilyta / 11/24/2011 at 2:14am / United States (Oregon) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, after having taken hormone tablets to try to increase my cup size, I realized that I've basically reversed my menopause. FML

by Anonymous / 07/22/2012 at 3:25pm / United States (Missouri) / Health

Today, my husband was planning on getting me my favorite movie as an anniversary present; I ended up buying it. He had to give me the money and leave because he is severely arachnophobic and couldn't even pick up the box. I have to hide the movie for fear of it being destroyed. Again. FML

by Anonymous / 10/26/2012 at 11:20am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I let a friend borrow a power saw. When I found it on my porch later, the blade was missing and the cord was cut. Looking closer, I realized it was his saw. He kept my new one. He totally denies that he switched them and now won't answer his door. FML

by petra84 / 10/22/2012 at 6:34pm / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

Today, while at work, a customer gave me a $20 tip. I explained to him we aren't allowed to accept tips, but he insisted. When I called the manager to report it, he pocketed my tip. FML

by Anonymous / 11/10/2012 at 2:23am / United States / Work

Today, while talking to my boyfriend, he got upset and accused me of making up words to make him feel stupid. All because I used the word "vapid." FML

by seriously? / 12/22/2012 at 5:19pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, after hours of trying to put a screaming baby to sleep, she finally fell asleep in my arms. I was so happy. Then, I got the hiccups. FML

by hiccups / 01/13/2013 at 1:15am / United States (Connecticut) / Kids