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Today, my brother's friend was about to drive home drunk, so I convinced him to think and not be stupid. It wasn't an invitation to puke on my floor then try to crawl into bed with me. FML

by GaveAnInchTakeAMile / 05/11/2013 at 5:52am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I sent my girlfriend a text this morning saying I love you. I rarely do this and instead of receiving the same message back, I got a message from my girlfriend accusing me of meaning to send it to someone else and dumped me. FML

by anonymous / 10/01/2013 at 1:36am / United States (West Virginia) / Love

Today, someone stole my umbrella. It was pouring heavily, and I was using it at the time. FML

by happyturtle / 10/10/2013 at 7:27am / Croatia / Miscellaneous

Today, I realized I can't wait until my daughter moves out the house when she is 18. She is eight. FML

by Anonymous / 10/17/2013 at 1:51am / United States (Florida) / Kids

Today, I woke up to a brand new password on my phone that only my wife knows. Apparently, she thinks I've been looking at my phone more than I've been talking to her lately. FML

by LockedOut / 11/02/2013 at 2:27am / United States / Love

Today, after moving miles to be with my boyfriend, I logged onto his computer just in time to see his other girlfriend had sent naked pictures. FML

by unluckylassy / 11/27/2013 at 7:01pm / Ireland / Intimacy

Today, I was at work alone with a stomach bug. For some reason, our bathroom was out of toilet paper, so I had to quickly run to the nearest store to buy more, only to shit my pants midway there. I'm pretty sure the cashier knew exactly what had happened. FML

by Anonymous / 12/31/2013 at 1:22pm / United States (Alabama) / Work

Today, after months of looking at cribs and picking out the perfect one for my unborn daughter, the store informed me that they no longer make that crib, even though the model is right there on the sales floor. I had to leave as my hormones got the best of me and I started bawling. FML

by pinknicki87 / 02/03/2014 at 12:34pm / United States (South Carolina) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I found out that my son set up a telescope in the attic not so he could study astronomy like he told me, but so he could spy on the girl across the street. FML

by sonwhy / 02/24/2014 at 7:51pm / United States (Illinois) / Kids

Today, I went to a restaurant for a friend's birthday. There were two very attractive waiters. They waited until I went to the toilet to sit down, talk to my friends and hit on them. They promptly left upon my return. Men avoid me. FML

by kittykat798 / 04/16/2014 at 8:00pm / United Kingdom (Dundee City) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I confronted my girlfriend over how she and a male friend have been going out together, drinking and partying, and at one point holding hands in the street. She angrily accused ME of cheating, because "confronting people like that" is apparently something only cheaters themselves do. FML

by Anonymous / 06/13/2014 at 3:13pm / United States (Alaska) / Love

Today, I went to the mall. A little girl was walking around and telling everyone that they were pretty. When she got to me, she gave me a disgusted look and walked away. FML

by Anonymous / 07/26/2014 at 11:50am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I was on a date, and I went to put my arm around her, trying to be romantic, but my coordination went straight to hell. Instead of her shoulder, I ended up accidentally grabbing her tit. FML

by oops / 11/19/2014 at 12:03pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Love