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Today, I was taking a piss when a fly landed inside the urinal. I thought it would be funny to try to aim and pee on it until it flew away and I stupidly continued aiming, peeing all over the floor and the wall. Another man came in time to see it. FML

#21026318
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21344) - you deserved it (47505)

On 01/13/2014 at 2:34am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Hawaii)

Today, my lips were dry and chapped, so I asked if I could use some of my friend's chapstick. She didn't mind, so I quickly put some on. Only later did I notice that my lips were sparkly. Turns out it was glitter balm. Now everyone calls me "princess." FML

#21021931
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37923) - you deserved it (11547)

On 01/08/2014 at 10:23pm - misc - by chapstick (man) - United States (California)

Today, as I was taking out the trash, I spotted my cute neighbor doing the same. In a rush to get out before he went back inside, I slipped on my iced-over porch. I passed out and woke up with a note on my chest saying, "I unlocked your door but you were too heavy to drag inside". FML

#21027337
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43784) - you deserved it (6526)

On 01/14/2014 at 1:48am - misc - by rholt (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, while playing a big basketball game, I had to run urgently to the bathroom because of a really hard diarrhea. I took the ball. FML

#21055217
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37299) - you deserved it (6955)

On 02/09/2014 at 9:36am - misc - by took it - United States (New York)

Today, my boyfriend proposed: he told me the feeling he gets from being in love with me is the best feeling in the world, even better than the feeling he gets when he poops. FML

#21039368
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41228) - you deserved it (5937)

On 01/25/2014 at 10:43am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I finally finished making my daughter's wedding cake. When I checked on it later, I found a large slice had been cut out. I soon found out that my husband had instagrammed himself eating it, with the caption "#guiltypleasures". FML

#21046154
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44912) - you deserved it (3521)

On 01/31/2014 at 11:36am - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my brother and I took our cars to get oil changes. While we were there, a guy asked if we were dating. When we told him we were siblings, he responded with, "So?" FML

Today, a tiny worm was wriggling across the screen of my Mac laptop. I tried to wipe it away with my thumb, but it just kept crawling. Turns out the worm lives *inside* my screen, beneath the glass. FML

#21092367
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39893) - you deserved it (3756)

On 03/21/2014 at 1:14am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my dad decided to shave his beard. I told him I wanted him to keep it, so he took the shavings, put them in a jar, and left it in my room. FML

#21093737
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33046) - you deserved it (11061)

On 03/22/2014 at 7:07pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my Game of Thrones addicted girlfriend decided to name my penis Tyrion Lannister. FML

#21101155
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34882) - you deserved it (5302)

On 03/31/2014 at 5:03pm - intimacy - by off to the whorehouse, then (man) - United Kingdom (Brighton and Hove)

Today, on my way to Burger King I got into a heated discussion with my wife about our cats. We have 15 rescues, and I've reached my limit. Guess what came running up to my car while waiting in the drive-through. We named him Pickles. FML

#21091449
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41113) - you deserved it (8646)

On 03/20/2014 at 12:31am - animals - by cat whisperer - United States

Today, I finally decided to go Christmas shopping. It's only once I arrived that I realized that I had forgotten my wallet. FML

#564
17 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6646) - you deserved it (17591)

On 12/21/2008 at 10:36am - money - by fleur_de_fevrier - Ireland (Kildare)



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