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Today, I was eating an apple in class. When I went to take a big bite, my teeth went right through the apple, causing me to scrape the apple right up my face. My nose then started to bleed. I'm now known as the girl who punched herself in the face with an apple. FML

#21114169
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39329) - you deserved it (6959)

On 04/15/2014 at 10:48pm - health - by Nose bleed - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I told my 4-year-old neighbor that I'm pregnant. His response was to attack me with a stick "for swallowing a baby." Three people had to pull him off. FML

#21145558
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45698) - you deserved it (5285)

On 05/19/2014 at 8:00pm - kids - by Baby eater - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I woke up to my young niece hammering a metal cookie cutter into my leg. I'll have a teddy bear shaped scar for the rest of my life. FML

#21199181
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49659) - you deserved it (4655)

On 07/05/2014 at 1:40am - kids - by umerin - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, while in my backyard, I had some insane gastric distress. I let out a fart so powerful that it made me yelp in pain, and left my asshole numb. A second later, I heard a cough come from over my neighbor's fence. I had to quietly limp back into my house in shame. FML

#21206177
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40222) - you deserved it (6109)

On 07/11/2014 at 4:34pm - health - by soundslikeadumbcommentersituation (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my brother told my 3 year old son that cool kids call their parents by their real names. This wouldn't be half as bad if he hadn't also convinced my son that my real name was Satan. FML

#21247749
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38945) - you deserved it (3442)

On 08/29/2014 at 8:35am - kids - by Amithatevil - Japan (Kanagawa)

Today, a woman at the crowded mall stopped me and told me loudly that if I bought her product it would get rid of my acne. FML

#974
25 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19081) - you deserved it (1838)

On 01/11/2009 at 3:59pm - health - by EpicFail - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, wanting to change from the usual pizza/coca cola menu, I decide to cook. After spending 1h30 making a "beef chili with ancho, mole, and cumin" I sprinkle a bit of salt on top of it. The top came off the salt. I think it's back to pizzas for me. FML

#1229
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18663) - you deserved it (3092)

On 01/15/2009 at 11:00am - health - by j0j0 - France (Aquitaine)

Today, I got a flat tire on the highway. If that wasn't bad enough I had no spare in the car. By the time I got a ride to get a new tire, someone was nice enough to fix my air conditioning for me. They smashed out my window to break in. The doors were not locked. FML

Today, it was our wedding anniversary. My husband takes me and our young son to a family-style chain restaurant. Hoping for a little romance, I ask him what he's excited about in our future, and he says how we shouldn't eat out like this anymore so we can afford to pay our income taxes. FML

#5453638
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25076) - you deserved it (3663)

On 09/24/2009 at 7:50pm - love - by frenchfrypotater (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my apartment complex added $250 to the $1,000 my roomate and I already owe because of an unauthorized pet and complaints from neighbors that our dog barks all night long. We don't have a dog, we don't even have a pet. FML

#6542379
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29420) - you deserved it (2098)

On 11/30/2009 at 10:22pm - money - by cande (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I showed up on set for a film that I booked a role in weeks ago. At the time of the audition, the script was being rewritten, so today I was so excited and eager to be told what my role would entail. When they handed me the script, my character was described as a fat, ugly, awkward girl. FML

#6677293
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23815) - you deserved it (4490)

On 12/09/2009 at 6:13am - work - by okaythen6 (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I heard my cat climbing on the counters in the kitchen. To prevent a tremendous avalanche of dishes, I picked up the cat and put it outside. She got scared from the blinds and scurried away leaving deep scratches across my nipple. I wasn't wearing a shirt. FML

#6546793
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19484) - you deserved it (14860)

On 12/01/2009 at 2:05am - health - by ihatecats - United States

Today, I found out that the shower sponge I've been using for a while now is the very same sponge my friends used to wipe up my vomit when I was drunk. I have been exfoliating a puked on sponge for more than a month. FML

#6629072
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8901) - you deserved it (27068)

On 12/06/2009 at 2:28am - misc - by Delicious (woman) - New Zealand (Auckland)



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  • So, have you ordered it? Have you got it? No? Yes? Do you have any idea of what I'm talking about? OK, for the normal people, I'm talking about the new iPhone 6. Apparently, it came out today. I'm not…

Friday 19 September 2014

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