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Today, I got a really bad cramp while I was swimming in my neighborhood pool. I started to go under until the lifeguard jumped in and saved me. I guess it would have been great, if I wasn't a fellow lifeguard. FML

#16215643
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29133) - you deserved it (5814)

On 05/16/2011 at 11:26pm - misc - by t -

Today, I took a dump without checking for toilet paper. I then called my step dad, who said "use the stuff in the garbage." FML

#17597789
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25473) - you deserved it (5194)

On 08/27/2011 at 7:07pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was out with my dog, who loves to bury things. He had recently torn apart his toy and buried it in the sand. I saw a piece of it sticking out of the ground, so I picked it up. It turns out that I was not holding his toy, but rather a dead bat. FML

Today, I listened as my ridiculously wealthy friend excitedly rambled on and on about her latest shopping trip. This is the same friend who owes me £150, and accused me of being insensitive for asking her to repay it at some point. FML

#17928398
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29756) - you deserved it (3788)

On 10/07/2011 at 3:02pm - money - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I called the cops to let them know that a drunk man was driving dangerously down my road. About an hour later, I was going to the store and got pulled over for speeding by the cop I called. FML

#19943890
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8310) - you deserved it (33448)

On 07/16/2012 at 2:04am - misc - by SCdriver (man) - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I checked out a "confessions" page for my university. The first confession was from a guy who whacked off in a campus restroom then used a computer in a lab without washing his hands. I work in that lab. FML

#20501884
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37179) - you deserved it (3147)

On 02/11/2013 at 2:46am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, a state trooper ticketed me after learning I was ticketed for the same offense an hour earlier, namely driving with a broken headlight. The good news is that both tickets will be dismissed if I go to court. The bad news is that I'd have to go to different courthouses at the same time of day. FML

#20494464
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31358) - you deserved it (3982)

On 02/05/2013 at 1:59pm - money - by halfmypaycheckgone (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, after hours of trying to put a screaming baby to sleep, she finally fell asleep in my arms. I was so happy. Then, I got the hiccups. FML

#20456464
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30508) - you deserved it (2464)

On 01/13/2013 at 1:15am - kids - by hiccups - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I had the opportunity to taste a live spider by walking into its web in the dark. FML

#20770695
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45793) - you deserved it (4787)

On 07/08/2013 at 2:55pm - misc - by pinkXpress1023 - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that while having a GPS tracker in your car is helpful for tracking down car thieves, it's also helpful to your psycho ex, who can use it to track you down. FML

#20846264
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40327) - you deserved it (3287)

On 08/20/2013 at 12:28pm - misc - by nobieb (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I found out that the very good-looking woman who sings for one of my favorite bands is actually a guy. FML

#20858850
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35747) - you deserved it (8505)

On 08/29/2013 at 3:07am - misc - by Pontiacman92 (man) - United States (Colorado)

Today, just like the last several days, I walked out to my car after class only to notice the Justin Beiber stickers arranged on my bumper and license plates. My dad put them there, and thinks it's just as hilarious as the first time. He has four packs of stickers left. FML

#20886085
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38408) - you deserved it (2899)

On 09/18/2013 at 12:22am - misc - by NonBelieber - United States (Alabama)

Today, my sister and her two-year-old came to my place for a visit. Not long after arriving, my niece ripped off her diaper and immediately took a dump on my white carpet. Guess who had to 'suddenly' leave afterwards, leaving me to clean up the mess. FML

#20892017
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41055) - you deserved it (2775)

On 09/22/2013 at 8:08pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (North Carolina)



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