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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I decided to surprise my girlfriend and sent her an Edible Arrangement. When she called to tell me she had gotten it, she was more excited about the cute boy who delivered it than she was about the fruit bouquet. FML

#2114921
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52587) - you deserved it (3916)

On 05/20/2009 at 4:01pm - love - by edible (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I rented a car that has a smart key. The proximity of the key determines if the doors will unlock. I went to a meeting and returned to the car with the trunk popped open and all my luggage gone. The rental company decided to store a spare key in the glovebox for safe keeping. FML

#4494514
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45178) - you deserved it (3137)

On 08/13/2009 at 2:42am - work - by NoKeyNoCar - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend's friends were throwing him a surprise birthday party. I thought it'd be funny to get him some fuzzy handcuffs and a box of condoms as a gift. They never told me they invited his parents. FML

#903514
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18185) - you deserved it (48274)

On 04/10/2009 at 4:07pm - misc - by Brittany (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I overheard mom talking about how my youngest sister was the only one who used the money from the insurance settlement from my dad's death responsibly. I was in my first semester of college when she cashed in mine for a vacation. I had to drop out. FML

Today, I tried to impress my girlfriend by punching through a piece of old drywall karate kid-style. As it turns out, the drywall was actually a thin piece of concrete. I now have a busted hand and a girlfriend with a new story to tell all her friends. FML

#5059729
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8071) - you deserved it (48836)

On 09/05/2009 at 12:22pm - misc - by BadassNinja (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was having a serious discussion with my girlfriend of 11 months. I broke the news that I was diagnosed with Lymphoma and I needed her support through my treatments. Ten minutes after, I receive a text saying that she can't endure the pain and stress that I'm causing her, and that we're done. FML

Today, I was searching for a travel bag. I looked in my parents room for one. I found one alright, with all there sex toys in it. FML

#5464453
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21463) - you deserved it (6145)

On 09/25/2009 at 10:37am - intimacy - by R-R-R-Ray (man) - Australia (Australian Capital Territory)

Today, I bought a nice new dress for a work party. But when I went in, a coworker hurried me into the bathroom saying, "Don't worry we can fix this." She thought someone had been sick on me. Thanks. That was just the pattern of the dress. FML

#6023107
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29114) - you deserved it (7125)

On 10/27/2009 at 12:43pm - work - by yper (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I got pulled over for going 85mph in a 60mph zone on a highway in the Everglades. There were cars passing both the cop and me as I was being pulled over. The cop decided I was easiest to catch since I was the slowest of the bunch even though the other cars were topping 100mph. FML

#5899039
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37223) - you deserved it (16860)

On 10/19/2009 at 5:12pm - misc - by tracey (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, it's Saturday. While all my friends go out to have fun, I get my excitement thinking about how I'll be sleeping with a new pillow. FML

#6733477
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27117) - you deserved it (6535)

On 12/13/2009 at 2:14am - misc - by soy_un_perderdor (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I noticed that my ceiling was sagging slightly. I got up on to a chair to look at it more closely, and I touched it. Turns out that my ceiling was full of water. It went everywhere, ruining my new iPod, phone, and all the things my daughter bought for university. FML

#8375974
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29011) - you deserved it (4667)

On 02/17/2010 at 3:18pm - misc - by ceilingssuck (woman) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I put on makeup for a picture. My Facebook profile picture. That's how much of a life I actually have. FML

#12534816
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13834) - you deserved it (32261)

On 08/15/2010 at 4:42am - misc - by Lifeless (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, after threatening my son for weeks that if he didn't clean his room, I would, I went in, equipped with a garbage bag, ready to throw away everything I found, only to discover dozens of empty bottles, two partially empty pizza boxes, Taco Bell wrappers, and cockroaches. FML

#8824498
240 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22824) - you deserved it (16185)

On 03/04/2010 at 3:01pm - kids - by disguested (woman) - United States (New York)



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