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Today, my 3-year-old son discovered his testicles. When I asked him what they were, he replied, "They're my balls! They make my winkie happy!" Now he won't quit singing it. FML

#21084464
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37791) - you deserved it (5506)

On 03/11/2014 at 11:34pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I had the cops called on me for acting suspiciously. I was using a payphone. FML

#21086220
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39729) - you deserved it (3595)

On 03/14/2014 at 1:07am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (Victoria)

Today, a coworker filed a complaint against me, all because I ate a banana at lunch, which he claimed is "threateningly sexual", whatever the hell that means. FML

#21090158
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40904) - you deserved it (3614)

On 03/18/2014 at 5:31pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I was eating an apple in class. When I went to take a big bite, my teeth went right through the apple, causing me to scrape the apple right up my face. My nose then started to bleed. I'm now known as the girl who punched herself in the face with an apple. FML

#21114169
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39273) - you deserved it (6950)

On 04/15/2014 at 10:48pm - health - by Nose bleed - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, while at work, I asked an older customer how he was doing. He told me that he'd just lost his wife. I gave my condolences before he clarified that his wife was not dead, but was lost in Walmart. FML

#21139954
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44068) - you deserved it (6500)

On 05/14/2014 at 7:16pm - work - by oh god. - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I retrieved the wrong luggage from an airport carousel. I'm now the owner of two water-bras, a false beard, a bag of cat litter, and some anal beads. I am afraid to get in touch with the original owner. FML

#21133607
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37779) - you deserved it (5579)

On 05/07/2014 at 9:25pm - misc - by BaggedDown (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I came home and saw my cat all snuggled up with another cat on the sofa. I thought it was the cutest thing ever, until I remembered that I only have one cat. FML

#21191841
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41501) - you deserved it (4594)

On 06/28/2014 at 8:09pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I found a wasp in my kitchen, so I opened the back door and left the room for 10 minutes in the hope that it would fly away. Upon returning, I found that there were now three wasps, a vicious cat and a very panicked pigeon crashing around the room. FML

#21197738
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39897) - you deserved it (16642)

On 07/03/2014 at 8:27pm - animals - by Snow-White (man) - United Kingdom (Cheshire)

Today, a woman at the crowded mall stopped me and told me loudly that if I bought her product it would get rid of my acne. FML

#974
25 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19016) - you deserved it (1837)

On 01/11/2009 at 3:59pm - health - by EpicFail - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, wanting to change from the usual pizza/coca cola menu, I decide to cook. After spending 1h30 making a "beef chili with ancho, mole, and cumin" I sprinkle a bit of salt on top of it. The top came off the salt. I think it's back to pizzas for me. FML

#1229
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18596) - you deserved it (3088)

On 01/15/2009 at 11:00am - health - by j0j0 - France (Aquitaine)

Today, I got a flat tire on the highway. If that wasn't bad enough I had no spare in the car. By the time I got a ride to get a new tire, someone was nice enough to fix my air conditioning for me. They smashed out my window to break in. The doors were not locked. FML

Today, it was our wedding anniversary. My husband takes me and our young son to a family-style chain restaurant. Hoping for a little romance, I ask him what he's excited about in our future, and he says how we shouldn't eat out like this anymore so we can afford to pay our income taxes. FML

#5453638
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25010) - you deserved it (3656)

On 09/24/2009 at 7:50pm - love - by frenchfrypotater (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my apartment complex added $250 to the $1,000 my roomate and I already owe because of an unauthorized pet and complaints from neighbors that our dog barks all night long. We don't have a dog, we don't even have a pet. FML

#6542379
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28929) - you deserved it (2067)

On 11/30/2009 at 10:22pm - money - by cande (woman) - United States (Kentucky)



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  • FML on vacation #1: Getting there
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Tuesday 22 July 2014

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