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Today, my partner and I were cuddling on the couch, watching TV when she smiled and murmured, "You smell like my dad." FML

by docwinters / 05/27/2013 at 8:39am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was lectured by a self-professed vegan over my "barbaric" eating habits, in between her scarfing down a tuna fish sandwich. FML

by fuckedbyahipster / 06/15/2013 at 12:13pm / Finland / Miscellaneous

Today, I had the opportunity to taste a live spider by walking into its web in the dark. FML

by pinkXpress1023 / 07/08/2013 at 2:55pm / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that the very good-looking woman who sings for one of my favorite bands is actually a guy. FML

by Pontiacman92 / 08/29/2013 at 3:07am / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

Today, my dog proudly brought home a rabbit he'd killed. The same rabbit that belongs to my neighbor's daughter. FML

by Anonymous / 04/26/2014 at 12:39pm / United States / Animals

Today, I tried kissing my boyfriend on the tip of his nose. He sneezed mid-kiss and head butted me. Now there is just an awkward silence. FML

by Anonymous / 10/04/2014 at 8:11am / United States (North Carolina) / Love

Today, I took a army-mandated personality evaluation test. The results said I had a high chance of schizophrenia and multiple personality syndrome. Part of me says that the test is probably spot-on, the other part says it has to be a mistake. Apparently this is another sign of schizophrenia. FML

Today, some idiot introduced my grandmother to yoga pants. FML

by Anonymous / 11/27/2014 at 1:51pm / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous

Today, I witnessed my husband in the shower singing Chicago's "You're the Inspiration" to his penis while manscaping. I guess that's a bond we'll never have. FML

by LD / 01/23/2015 at 11:46am / United States (Idaho) / Intimacy

Today, I was walking with a female friend when suddenly, my ex-girlfriend comes running down the street and says, "So, you're cheating on me with this slut, huh?!" We've been separated for a decade now. FML

by RipeFlame / 01/13/2015 at 10:05pm / United States (Florida) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my girlfriend accused me of being insecure and feeling threatened by the fact that she has a daughter from a previous relationship. She's vaguely right; I feel threatened, but mainly because the psycho keeps threatening to stab me to death when her mom isn't around to hear. FML

by StabStab / 01/11/2015 at 8:03am / Belgium / Kids

Today, I decided to surprise my girlfriend and sent her an Edible Arrangement. When she called to tell me she had gotten it, she was more excited about the cute boy who delivered it than she was about the fruit bouquet. FML

by edible / 05/20/2009 at 4:01pm / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, my boyfriend's friends were throwing him a surprise birthday party. I thought it'd be funny to get him some fuzzy handcuffs and a box of condoms as a gift. They never told me they invited his parents. FML

by Brittany / 04/10/2009 at 4:07pm / United States (Texas) / Love