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Today, my girlfriend walked in on me taking a dump, and started plucking her eyebrows. When I told her I was uncomfortable, she said, "Aww, is my baby's poo shy? Is it, is it?" and pinched my cheek. FML

#20900665
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41024) - you deserved it (6878)

On 09/29/2013 at 3:21pm - misc - by noweddingforyou (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I pretended to be deaf to a door to door salesman. He knew sign language. FML

#20907982
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21206) - you deserved it (47702)

On 10/05/2013 at 2:56am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, my coworker convinced a little girl that teddy bears are actually the bodies of dead baby bears. I work at Build-a-Bear-Workshop, and we were working a 4-year-old's birthday party. FML

#20910133
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41916) - you deserved it (2858)

On 10/06/2013 at 9:11pm - kids - by TeddyBearKiller (woman) - United States

Today, my grandmother called me in a fit of panic because her new neighbors are black. So is my fiancé, whom she is supposed to meet tomorrow. FML

#20921768
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45967) - you deserved it (4599)

On 10/15/2013 at 5:43pm - misc - by secretsmakefriends (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was pushed off of a glacier by a very angry tourist. Why? I work as a glacier guide, and apparently some people find it overly frustrating to be informed that there isn't a café on the glacier. FML

#20924969
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45729) - you deserved it (2709)

On 10/18/2013 at 8:40am - work - by Quasimodo (woman) - Norway (Hordaland)

Today, I walked under a tree and heard birds chirping from above. I stopped and looked up, only to catch a face full of bird shit. FML

#20947706
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42960) - you deserved it (8719)

On 11/06/2013 at 1:08pm - animals - by lbg2msf (man) - United States (Mississippi)

Today, my mom got drunk at our family reunion and told everyone how worried she is that my "excessive masturbation" would damage the nerves in both my dick and arm. FML

#20939123
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45268) - you deserved it (7770)

On 10/30/2013 at 2:28pm - intimacy - by goodgrief (man) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend's response to me saying "Most women like a bit of filth in the bedroom every now and again" was to start farting in bed. Not quite what I meant. FML

#20946422
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42079) - you deserved it (10038)

On 11/05/2013 at 1:01pm - intimacy - by roughsexgonewrong (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, my mom showed my girlfriend a picture of me crying when I pooped in the bathtub. FML

#20955466
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39734) - you deserved it (4712)

On 11/12/2013 at 6:57pm - love - by icyrebel25 - United States (Texas)

Today, I would like to thank the program designer that put "Set as home page" directly under "Remove from history". FML

#20991949
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37300) - you deserved it (9940)

On 12/14/2013 at 1:38am - misc - by The_Rest_of_the_Story (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I saw the guy who helped me yesterday when I was lost by telling me which bus to take. He came up to me and asked me how it went. I told him that the bus went the exact opposite way I wanted to go. He laughed and said, "I know." FML

Today, my kittens hunted and killed their first prey. My hamster. FML

#20981341
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43495) - you deserved it (7076) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 12/05/2013 at 1:52am - animals - by Chatons - Switzerland

Today, I was taking a shower with my boyfriend. While we were washing our hair, he got soap in his eyes and mouth. I was facing him, and since his eyes were closed he didn't realize how close I was. When he spat the soap out, it went straight into my eyes. Neither of us could see. FML

#20994581
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43369) - you deserved it (6303)

On 12/16/2013 at 11:44am - misc - by abc123 (woman) - United States (Washington)



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