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Today, while working at a sandwich shop, we had a shortage and could only put so many veggies on one sandwich. I explained this to one man who was grumpy about it, but kept on ordering. I thought everything went well. He thought my face was a good target to launch his completed sandwich at. FML

by epicsandwichartist / 05/05/2011 at 3:13am / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, a lady came into my workplace to pay her $120 bill in one dollar bills. I kept losing count. FML

by Anonymous / 09/14/2011 at 11:47am / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, I was so bored at my job as a receptionist that I actually got excited when the phone rang. FML

by anonymous / 10/24/2011 at 9:33pm / United States / Work

Today, I decided to light a candle in my room. Since fire intrigues me, I put an old brochure into it. Paper burns fast, and now my carpet has a big, black burn mark. FML

by Anonymous / 11/29/2011 at 10:13pm / United States (Kentucky) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to get my picture taken for a badge at the hospital. My sister came home and told my parents that she'd had a horrible day at work. They showed her my "hysterical" badge picture to cheer her up. FML

by Anonymous / 02/08/2012 at 10:38am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, after handing out several résumés for several jobs, I realized that I forgot to add my phone number to them. FML

by tammylauraine / 02/29/2012 at 1:21pm / United States / Work

Today, I planned to go on a date with a man I met online. He came to my apartment to pick me up, and I told him I'd be right out as I grabbed my purse. When I got outside, he was gone. FML

by deewe / 05/13/2012 at 2:06am / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was walking down the street, when I saw a guy in front of me trip and fall forwards, and I quickly jumped forward to steady him. Apparently he thought he was being mugged, and threw his head backwards into my face, leaving my nose a bloody mess. FML

by shalara / 06/15/2012 at 4:23pm / Netherlands (Noord-Holland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I decided to help the homeless by giving them old clothes and food. In return, they decided to mug me. FML

by HazzaBoo / 08/07/2012 at 7:45pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I decided to give blood for the first time in my life. As an 18-year-old, 5'1", 110lb woman, I guess I shouldn't have been allowed there, much less permitted to leave the room to get some food. I ended up passing out in the middle of the dining hall. FML

Today, I finally finished my summer assignments for three AP classes. My schedule also arrived. Turns out my school can't place me in any of them, and I just wasted the last four weeks of my summer. FML

by spandexwiener / 08/18/2012 at 12:27pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I washed the dishes for my mom while she was out, as they seemed to be piling up. I accidentally sliced my hand with a knife in the process. After a trip to the hospital, it was revealed she'd been leaving those dishes there "to teach dad a lesson." FML

by Prae / 10/01/2012 at 1:47am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to dinner with my girlfriend of 2 months. This would have been great, had I not been nodding absentmindedly when she suggested that we start planning our wedding soon, because "she's always dreamt of being married on the same day as Brad and Angelina." FML

by Brad / 01/03/2013 at 1:47am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love