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Today, I was cutting a client's hair, and she was complaining about how itchy her head was from having it too long. As I lay down my comb and shears, three lice bugs ran across my counter. FML

Today, my friend's dog got hit by a car. I was the only one not in shock, and had to drag the poor thing off the road, then comfort a hysterical friend while the driver verbally abused us and demanded we pay for the repairs to his car. FML

Today, my toddler found my daughter's recorder from 3rd grade and figured out how to play the highest pitch note. Of course, my daughter pulls out her trombone to have a jam session. And I'm out of ibuprofen. FML

#21121712
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39435) - you deserved it (5300)

On 04/24/2014 at 11:28am - kids - by missmom83 (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I was pulled over for speeding. The officer was nice and let me off with just a warning. That is, until my dipshit brother yelled "Fucking pig!" out the window as the officer walked back to his car. FML

#21216216
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36868) - you deserved it (21810)

On 07/21/2014 at 11:58am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, at work, I put on a smile and went to take an elderly gentleman's order. He looked at me, asked if I'd stick a finger in his sweet tea to make it sweeter, then complained that it was a shame I wasn't "on the menu". FML

#21302690
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33564) - you deserved it (3770)

On 11/20/2014 at 11:20am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, my vegetarian girlfriend put some ghost pepper hot sauce on my steak to teach me a "lesson" about eating meat. FML

#21330517
257 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39169) - you deserved it (5473)

On 01/04/2015 at 5:27am - love - by Anonymous - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I moved to a big city, alone, from a small town. After convincing myself it wasn't that scary, I hailed my first cab. The driver spent the 30 minute ride from the airport telling me about how "sometimes, you just gotta shoot a guy" because if they steal your shoes, they deserve it. FML

#21366058
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29877) - you deserved it (2798)

On 03/01/2015 at 6:22pm - misc - by smalltownkid - United States (Texas)

Today, some guy I passed in the street was so high out of his mind, he beat the crap out of me, thinking I was a piñata. FML

#21416582
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30318) - you deserved it (2640)

On 05/27/2015 at 10:21am - health - by Anonymous (man) - Mexico

Today, it was the first time a guy has shown any interest in me by calling me pretty. I was so shocked that instead of saying thank you, I hid behind the nearest object and promptly giggle-snorted. FML

Today, my mum prepared my bag for football practice. In the changing room I found one of her thongs. FML

#376
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28535) - you deserved it (4244)

On 11/23/2008 at 5:59am - misc - by rob - Sent from mobile version

Today, I opened my laptop in the train to watch a good film I had downloaded. Of course, it was a fake and the whole carriage was allowed to watch and hear five seconds of butt licking. FML

#499
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20306) - you deserved it (11183)

On 12/12/2008 at 1:05am - misc - by Jumanji - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was playing GTA4 and went on its fake dating site to email a girl to go on a date with. I've never had much luck with dating in real life, so I figured the game would be more kind to me. After a while I went back to check my email, and the fake girl I'd propositioned told me to get lost. FML

#663
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23087) - you deserved it (7046)

On 01/01/2009 at 1:22pm - love - by Danno - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I had a great workout and was feeling really good about my body. Until I sat on my desk, and broke it. FML

#75881
22 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38216) - you deserved it (7257)

On 02/19/2009 at 2:36am - health - by fatass (woman) - United States (Missouri)



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