Choose the period

Choose a category

Agreed
Commented
Favorited

Today, my girlfriend left me because our "political views don't match" when I told her we needed to share house chores now that we live together. I know, I'm lost too. FML

by dca101 / 03/19/2013 at 10:08pm / United States / Love

Today, six weeks before my wedding, my mother decided to claim that she never agreed on paying for it and that she doesn't think she will. Now I have six weeks to scavenge enough cash for the wedding she planned in the first place. FML

by need_cash_now / 04/28/2013 at 12:29am / United States / Money

Today, my family and friends decided to throw a surprise party for my 16th birthday. I was so surprised that the shortness of breath triggered a serious asthma attack. FML

by presente13 / 05/17/2013 at 12:35am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I returned home from a two-year trip overseas. My mom's first words as she greeted me at the arrivals terminal of the airport were, "Your father and I are getting a divorce." FML

by JabberWocky54210 / 06/21/2013 at 12:09am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, a kid in class dropped his paper on the floor. I held on to my desk with one hand and reached for the paper with my other hand. I lost balance and tilted both my chair and desk over, nailing the floor as everything on my desk hit the ground with me. He picked the paper up himself. FML

by nice guys finish last / 08/20/2013 at 12:01am / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous

Today, my company is doing so bad that I had to take down my symbolic first dollar so that I could buy a roll of crackers for dinner. FML

by smurftastic / 09/02/2013 at 11:03pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, my mom bitched me out for not driving my little brother to school this morning. The reason I didn't is that some assfuck decided to slash my tires overnight. She was well aware of this fact. FML

by hope they slash you next, mom / 08/29/2013 at 1:37pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mother topped someone's story of their child's problems by saying I'm on drugs. This resulted in people showing up to stage an intervention for me. She made the whole thing up and I've never used drugs, but no one believes me. FML

by Jan / 10/18/2013 at 2:13am / United States / Health

Today, my friend's dog got hit by a car. I was the only one not in shock, and had to drag the poor thing off the road, then comfort a hysterical friend while the driver verbally abused us and demanded we pay for the repairs to his car. FML

Today, my toddler found my daughter's recorder from 3rd grade and figured out how to play the highest pitch note. Of course, my daughter pulls out her trombone to have a jam session. And I'm out of ibuprofen. FML

by missmom83 / 04/24/2014 at 11:28am / United States (Connecticut) / Kids

Today, I was pulled over for speeding. The officer was nice and let me off with just a warning. That is, until my dipshit brother yelled "Fucking pig!" out the window as the officer walked back to his car. FML

by Anonymous / 07/21/2014 at 11:58am / United States (Connecticut) / Transportation

Today, at work, I put on a smile and went to take an elderly gentleman's order. He looked at me, asked if I'd stick a finger in his sweet tea to make it sweeter, then complained that it was a shame I wasn't "on the menu". FML

by Anonymous / 11/20/2014 at 11:20am / Canada (Quebec) / Work

Today, I moved to a big city, alone, from a small town. After convincing myself it wasn't that scary, I hailed my first cab. The driver spent the 30 minute ride from the airport telling me about how "sometimes, you just gotta shoot a guy" because if they steal your shoes, they deserve it. FML

by smalltownkid / 03/01/2015 at 6:22pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous