Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Choose a category

Agreed | Deserved | Commented | Favorited

Choose the period

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, while kissing my girlfriend's neck, I sneezed a blob of snot onto her. She told me that "it doesn't matter", while hiccuping a bit of vomit. FML

#626
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24279) - you deserved it (6508)

On 12/29/2008 at 11:54pm - love - by sneezer - Sent from mobile version

Today, the guy I've had a crush on for a while called me and asked me over. I took a cab to his place and when I got there he was dressed in leather and wore a mask... It took me a 20 dollar cab fare to realize my crush is a freak. FML

#1507
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33789) - you deserved it (7003)

On 01/17/2009 at 8:38pm - intimacy - by Allenburg - United States (California)

Today, I was in a car accident. After screaming at the woman for running into me, I got in my car and drove off. As I was driving away, I was staring her down when I ended up rear ending the person in front of me. FML

#19361
24 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7035) - you deserved it (51914)

On 02/09/2009 at 11:54pm - misc - by prettyinpurple - United States (Virginia)

Today, I saw a letter from Geneseo that invited me to apply to the honors college. Excited, I wrote the required two page essay on how I am organized. I then saw the strict deadline was March 15th. My little brother thought it would be funny to hide my mail. For the past seven weeks. FML

#869679
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (78598) - you deserved it (3159)

On 04/08/2009 at 11:53am - misc - by daremetobecooler - United States (New York)

Today, my mom thought it would be a good idea to see what websites I go on from my computer while I wasn't home. She clicked the link that gave my computer a virus that I just got rid of a few days ago. FML

#3030585
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45278) - you deserved it (5215)

On 06/19/2009 at 1:52pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my sister thought it would be funny to spray my face with my new tanning spray, which is only supposed to be used on arms and legs. I woke up and looked in the mirror to see an orange blotchy face staring back at me. My parents can't look at me without laughing. FML

#3762985
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38448) - you deserved it (6268)

On 07/15/2009 at 12:00am - misc - by blotchy-girl (woman) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, at physical therapy, the girl next to me had a blue armband. I said, "Hey, sweet iPod". She said, "Actually, I have diabetes." FML

#56080
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11941) - you deserved it (39355)

On 02/16/2009 at 8:31pm - health - by LA (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I went shopping for a new pair of jeans. I was feeling good about the fact that I was going down a waist size until the cashier decided to discuss with me, three co-workers, and the ten other people in line how she didn't even know jeans came in sizes that big. FML

#5690935
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38297) - you deserved it (6478)

On 10/06/2009 at 9:11pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, as I was coming out of the ladies' room, I saw a guy glancing at me. A few minutes later, I saw him coming at me at a fast rate. I decided to run from him. As I got out of the building and into a cab, I saw him from the window waving my phone at me. He was just trying to return it. FML

#5410009
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8872) - you deserved it (43407)

On 09/22/2009 at 3:36am - misc - by georgiana072 (woman) - Philippines (Benguet)

Today, on the airplane, the kid behind me kicked my seat hundreds of times, while the big bald guy next to me farted deadly ones repeatedly. I was on a non-stop 14-hour flight. FML

#7027797
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33861) - you deserved it (2371)

On 12/30/2009 at 1:27am - misc - by planes - United States (Oregon)

Today, my husband actually was cleaning our bathrooms. I had to pee and the floor was wet in my upstairs bathroom. My wonderful husband told me to go downstairs. I did and sat on the toilet seat which felt wet. He forgot he had sprayed it with Tilex. Chemical burns on your butt are great. FML

#8598142
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22672) - you deserved it (2918)

On 02/23/2010 at 8:26pm - misc - by susan - United States (Michigan)

Today, my boyfriend of two years told his friend that he decided a long time ago that he would never be faithful to a woman. I was sitting next to him. FML

#13496771
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29673) - you deserved it (3088)

On 10/18/2010 at 8:23am - love - by sugar - United States (Texas)

Today, I came home from work to find the lock to my bike busted and my bike stolen. The worst part was a nicer bike was sitting right next to it without a lock. FML

#12316172
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28175) - you deserved it (2392)

On 08/04/2010 at 8:02pm - misc - by Amandajean32 - United States



FML's blog

  • Pauline's illustrated FML
  • Come on, no need to make that face ! Yep, it's sadly the last, mournful days of Summer. People are packing up their beach balls and flip flops, putting their caravans back into storage and trying to forget…

Friday 28 August 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: