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Today, I was in a car accident. After screaming at the woman for running into me, I got in my car and drove off. As I was driving away, I was staring her down when I ended up rear ending the person in front of me. FML

by prettyinpurple / 02/09/2009 at 11:54pm / United States (Virginia) / Transportation

Today, I saw a letter from Geneseo that invited me to apply to the honors college. Excited, I wrote the required two page essay on how I am organized. I then saw the strict deadline was March 15th. My little brother thought it would be funny to hide my mail. For the past seven weeks. FML

by daremetobecooler / 04/08/2009 at 11:53am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that my writing teacher entered in one of my paper grades wrong. After many emails, she said she can't change my grade unless I fax her the original. I need that grade fixed so I can keep my scholarship. I can’t find the paper anywhere. That one paper could cost me $30,000. FML

by Anonymous / 05/16/2009 at 10:20am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, I failed a basic intelligence test when the mouse trap I was setting up snapped on my thumb. Later, when I checked the trap I saw that the mouse had managed to lick all the bait off the trap without being caught, I have a sore thumb and was outsmarted by a rodent. FML

by Trapped / 06/10/2009 at 4:13am / Australia / Animals

Today, I told the guy I have feelings for that I'm interested in, and asked him how he feels about it. He responded via text, saying, "I feel fairly neutral about that." FML

by iwantpizza69 / 02/11/2009 at 7:06pm / United States (Michigan) / Love

Today, I saw my friend across campus, and I decided that I wanted to play a trick on her and scare her from behind. Turns out, I scared a complete stranger with really bad panic induced asthma. FML

by boo! / 02/17/2009 at 3:25am / United States (California) / Health

Today, is my 18th birthday. I call my parents and they tell me they found weed in the guest house and so they called my boarding school to drug test me. It wasn't my weed. They didn't even say "Happy Birthday." FML

by alrightsheryl / 03/28/2009 at 12:40pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom thought it would be a good idea to see what websites I go on from my computer while I wasn't home. She clicked the link that gave my computer a virus that I just got rid of a few days ago. FML

by Anonymous / 06/19/2009 at 1:52pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, my sister thought it would be funny to spray my face with my new tanning spray, which is only supposed to be used on arms and legs. I woke up and looked in the mirror to see an orange blotchy face staring back at me. My parents can't look at me without laughing. FML

by blotchy-girl / 07/15/2009 at 12:00am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Miscellaneous

Today, my nose was really stuffed up and I was out of cold medicine. I heard spices may help with this kind of problem. Unfortunately I thought red pepper would be a great thing to snort at the time. Not only is my nose still stuffed up but I also have immense nasal pain. FML

by Anonymous / 07/26/2009 at 1:57am / United States (Connecticut) / Health

Today, I finally figured out why my 5 year old daughter washes her hair everyday. It's because she doesn't want to have "yucky greasy" hair like her mommy. FML

by greasyhair / 09/07/2009 at 4:25pm / United States (New York) / Kids

Today, I was approached by a policeman who asked me if I was the owner of the green Camry. Turns out my parents decided to teach me a lesson for lying where I had been by reporting the car stolen. They also wouldn't answer my one phone call. FML

by Anonymous / 12/19/2009 at 10:08pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my husband actually was cleaning our bathrooms. I had to pee and the floor was wet in my upstairs bathroom. My wonderful husband told me to go downstairs. I did and sat on the toilet seat which felt wet. He forgot he had sprayed it with Tilex. Chemical burns on your butt are great. FML

by susan / 02/23/2010 at 8:26pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous