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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I was trying to show my family a cool website. Unfortunately my porn instincts kicked in and I started typing the URL of my favorite porn site. I couldn't stop myself before it autocompleted. FML

#21324815
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14917) - you deserved it (36695)

On 12/26/2014 at 5:38pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, at my work in a call centre, a man called up on a very quiet line to report a car accident on his father's behalf because his father was deaf. I asked him to ask his dad if he was OK after the accident. I'd misheard him and he had said "dead", not "deaf". He started crying. FML

#21430016
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30621) - you deserved it (3917)

On 06/22/2015 at 7:35am - work - by Iamsosorry (woman) - United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire)

Today, I was on a date, and I tried breaking the ice by telling him my best joke. He laughed hysterically for a good 10 seconds, started beating the table with his fist, then suddenly went deadpan and said "No, seriously, you're a moron. Screw this date." FML

#21446581
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28262) - you deserved it (3033)

On 07/24/2015 at 2:54pm - misc - by HAIL SITHIS (woman) - United States

Today, I decided to do naked yoga in my lounge room, as I always do. Later, I found a note on my front door saying "Keep doing what you're doing". FML

#21428771
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26522) - you deserved it (8769)

On 06/19/2015 at 9:06pm - misc - by jenpearl (woman) - Australia

Today, I should have given my first concert in front of a crowded audience. As we were about to go on stage my band decided to roll a joint outside. The cops just happened to pass by and now I'm on my own. FML

#360
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29608) - you deserved it (4732)

On 11/21/2008 at 11:42pm - work - by christous - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was in a car accident. After screaming at the woman for running into me, I got in my car and drove off. As I was driving away, I was staring her down when I ended up rear ending the person in front of me. FML

#19361
24 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7393) - you deserved it (53466)

On 02/09/2009 at 11:54pm - misc - by prettyinpurple - United States (Virginia)

Today, I failed a basic intelligence test when the mouse trap I was setting up snapped on my thumb. Later, when I checked the trap I saw that the mouse had managed to lick all the bait off the trap without being caught, I have a sore thumb and was outsmarted by a rodent. FML

#2765186
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36699) - you deserved it (13634)

On 06/10/2009 at 4:13am - animals - by Trapped (woman) - Australia

Today, I saw a letter from Geneseo that invited me to apply to the honors college. Excited, I wrote the required two page essay on how I am organized. I then saw the strict deadline was March 15th. My little brother thought it would be funny to hide my mail. For the past seven weeks. FML

#869679
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (79643) - you deserved it (3237)

On 04/08/2009 at 11:53am - misc - by daremetobecooler - United States (New York)

Today, my mom thought it would be a good idea to see what websites I go on from my computer while I wasn't home. She clicked the link that gave my computer a virus that I just got rid of a few days ago. FML

#3030585
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46243) - you deserved it (5315)

On 06/19/2009 at 1:52pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my sister thought it would be funny to spray my face with my new tanning spray, which is only supposed to be used on arms and legs. I woke up and looked in the mirror to see an orange blotchy face staring back at me. My parents can't look at me without laughing. FML

#3762985
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40243) - you deserved it (6489)

On 07/15/2009 at 12:00am - misc - by blotchy-girl (woman) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, I found out that my writing teacher entered in one of my paper grades wrong. After many emails, she said she can't change my grade unless I fax her the original. I need that grade fixed so I can keep my scholarship. I can’t find the paper anywhere. That one paper could cost me $30,000. FML

#1975223
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (73480) - you deserved it (8396)

On 05/16/2009 at 10:20am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I told the guy I have feelings for that I'm interested in, and asked him how he feels about it. He responded via text, saying, "I feel fairly neutral about that." FML

#26983
34 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32059) - you deserved it (3997)

On 02/11/2009 at 7:06pm - misc - by iwantpizza69 (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I saw my friend across campus, and I decided that I wanted to play a trick on her and scare her from behind. Turns out, I scared a complete stranger with really bad panic induced asthma. FML

#59474
12 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11604) - you deserved it (41108)

On 02/17/2009 at 3:25am - misc - by boo! (woman) - United States (California)



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