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Today, after spending months learning Chinese, selling my house and everything I own for my big transfer to Hong Kong, my boss decided I should instead go to our other branch across town. FML

by Anonymous / 07/03/2013 at 5:01pm / Canada (Alberta) / Work

Today, a kid in class dropped his paper on the floor. I held on to my desk with one hand and reached for the paper with my other hand. I lost balance and tilted both my chair and desk over, nailing the floor as everything on my desk hit the ground with me. He picked the paper up himself. FML

by nice guys finish last / 08/20/2013 at 12:01am / United States (Tennessee) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was cutting a client's hair, and she was complaining about how itchy her head was from having it too long. As I lay down my comb and shears, three lice bugs ran across my counter. FML

by alexbrooke / 09/26/2013 at 10:33pm / United States (Kentucky) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I got dumped because a guy sat next to me at a party and I didn't get up to change seats. Apparently, it means I subconsciously like the guy who sat down. FML

by Anonymous / 10/13/2013 at 8:33pm / United States (Arkansas) / Love

Today, my surgeon was talking to me about my upcoming heart bypass operation. I was extremely nervous from the start, but he somehow managed to keep saying things like "death", "fatalities", "high-risk", and "never wake up" throughout. FML

by DocBastard, meet DocCunt / 10/18/2013 at 6:12pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Health

Today, while swimming in the ocean, I felt some sand under my wedding ring. I took it off for a second, and got hit by a huge wave. My ring is now lost somewhere in the ocean. FML

by smiley1014 / 11/18/2013 at 4:14am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I told my neighbor that I was going to Réunion Island on vacation in a few months. She said that she'd always wanted to go there. As a light-hearted joke, I said she should come with me. She's now booked a plane ticket. FML

by voyagevoyage / 04/09/2014 at 6:38pm / France (Centre) / Miscellaneous

Today, my little sister was being picked on by some kids. After seeing one push her, I went over to talk to them about how bullying isn't cool and how they need to play nice. They beat me up. I'm 22 years old and got beat up by a group of 10 year olds. FML

by Anonymous / 07/23/2014 at 12:01pm / United States (Virginia) / Kids

Today, I succeeded in getting a seat on a crowded bus. I regretted this when, after a couple of stops, a big guy boarded the bus and stood next to me with his penis pressed against my shoulder. Longest. Bus ride. Ever. FML

by Anonymous / 08/13/2014 at 7:33am / Australia (New South Wales) / Transportation

Today, I was mugged. I saw a cop car in the aftermath and flagged it down. Unfortunately, when the cops stopped the mugger, he said he'd been running away because I tried to mug him. Apparently the fact that he was "well-dressed" and I wasn't means he was telling the truth. FML

by Anonymous / 09/16/2014 at 10:34am / United States (Connecticut) / Money

Today, my psychotic, very jealous ex-boyfriend appeared out of nowhere and punched a male store clerk who was helping me look for azaleas in a garden center. FML

by Tag / 09/23/2014 at 9:19pm / Australia / Love

Today, my best friend, who I've been in love with for nearly a decade, asked me to help him set up an online dating profile. During our 4-hour conversation, as he waded through the profiles, he complained that it was impossible for him to find a girl to have a meaningful conversation with. FML

by EosThorn / 10/01/2014 at 9:33pm / Sweden (Kronobergs Lan) / Love

Today, I went to celebrate Thanksgiving with my family. I watched as my uncle and his girlfriend snuck off to the bathroom together, where they stayed until someone else tried to get in. When they came out, she was wiping her mouth. I need new eyes. FML

by Trainer Calypso / 11/27/2014 at 3:38pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Intimacy