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Today, I was mugged. I saw a cop car in the aftermath and flagged it down. Unfortunately, when the cops stopped the mugger, he said he'd been running away because I tried to mug him. Apparently the fact that he was "well-dressed" and I wasn't means he was telling the truth. FML

#21259366
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42233) - you deserved it (2948)

On 09/16/2014 at 10:34am - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, while having some "personal" time, I felt intense pleasure and moaned. I learned that my own moaning prevents me from reaching my peak. I'm my own turn off. FML

#21290790
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38994) - you deserved it (6229)

On 11/02/2014 at 8:31pm - intimacy - by SelfServiced - United States (California)

Today, I went to celebrate Thanksgiving with my family. I watched as my uncle and his girlfriend snuck off to the bathroom together, where they stayed until someone else tried to get in. When they came out, she was wiping her mouth. I need new eyes. FML

#21306928
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39647) - you deserved it (3791)

On 11/27/2014 at 3:38pm - intimacy - by Trainer Calypso - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I was trying to show my family a cool website. Unfortunately my porn instincts kicked in and I started typing the URL of my favorite porn site. I couldn't stop myself before it autocompleted. FML

#21324815
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14661) - you deserved it (35969)

On 12/26/2014 at 5:38pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, my vegetarian girlfriend put some ghost pepper hot sauce on my steak to teach me a "lesson" about eating meat. FML

#21330517
257 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37271) - you deserved it (5284)

On 01/04/2015 at 5:27am - love - by Anonymous - Australia (Victoria)

Today, while walking my dog, we came across two men having a heated argument in the street. My dog decided the perfect place to poop was right next to them. He wouldn't budge no matter what. Meanwhile, one of the men pulled a knife, and I practically shat myself. FML

#21374140
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30781) - you deserved it (2674)

On 03/13/2015 at 11:30pm - misc - by Anonymous -

Today, I had to explain to my boyfriend that me switching to "super" sized tampons does not mean I've been having sex with other men with bigger penises, and that my vagina hasn't been "stretched bigger". FML

#21403711
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33573) - you deserved it (3225)

On 05/03/2015 at 1:37am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, it was the first time a guy has shown any interest in me by calling me pretty. I was so shocked that instead of saying thank you, I hid behind the nearest object and promptly giggle-snorted. FML

Today, some guy I passed in the street was so high out of his mind, he beat the crap out of me, thinking I was a piñata. FML

#21416582
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29673) - you deserved it (2588)

On 05/27/2015 at 10:21am - health - by Anonymous (man) - Mexico

Today, at my work in a call centre, a man called up on a very quiet line to report a car accident on his father's behalf because his father was deaf. I asked him to ask his dad if he was OK after the accident. I'd misheard him and he had said "dead", not "deaf". He started crying. FML

#21430016
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29925) - you deserved it (3826)

On 06/22/2015 at 7:35am - work - by Iamsosorry (woman) - United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire)

Today, I'm 20 and I'm going bald. FML

#277
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50767) - you deserved it (4097)

On 11/11/2008 at 3:32am - health - by Blazouta - Sent from mobile version

Today, I should have given my first concert in front of a crowded audience. As we were about to go on stage my band decided to roll a joint outside. The cops just happened to pass by and now I'm on my own. FML

#360
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27115) - you deserved it (4391)

On 11/21/2008 at 11:42pm - work - by christous - Sent from mobile version



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