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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my girlfriend and I were at the movies. When the "love scene" came on, she leaned over and made out with the wrong man. FML

#20779631
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64815) - you deserved it (5118)

On 07/13/2013 at 9:20am - love - by a man - United States (Texas)

Today, I found out my "wonderful" boyfriend was recently dumped by another woman, not just after he started stalking her, but after he wrote her a love letter in his own blood. FML

#20792358
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52717) - you deserved it (3909)

On 07/19/2013 at 1:34pm - love - by cheated (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I went down on my boyfriend, and tried out a new trick I learned. I read in a magazine that if you hum while giving oral, it's supposed to feel good. My boyfriend started laughing and told me to stop after 30 seconds because I reminded him of his singing toothbrush. FML

#20857818
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49851) - you deserved it (9305)

On 08/28/2013 at 12:11pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, my 12-year-old son was shot in the foot. After hours of not talking, including to the police, he finally told us that his friend accidentally shot him with his dad's gun, and that he didn't want to say anything because he didn't want to "lose any street cred by snitching." FML

#20836449
160 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50866) - you deserved it (6211)

On 08/14/2013 at 12:26am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, while discussing career prospects with my mom, she suggested that I become a penis puppeteer, because "Let's face it, you play with it 24/7. Why not make a career out of it?" Yeah, thanks. FML

#20838688
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36972) - you deserved it (12314)

On 08/15/2013 at 12:49pm - work - by kaynotentirelywrong (man) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I asked my mom if I was ugly. She said, "Ask your girlfriend." I said I don't have one. She said "Exactly." FML

#20855163
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50588) - you deserved it (5054)

On 08/26/2013 at 2:22pm - misc - by Miami6and3 - United States (California)

Today, my mother yet again went on a long rant about how much of a loser I am as I have "never had boyfriend" and I'm 26. Truth is, I've been in the same relationship for over five years but it "doesn't count because he's black." FML

#20859482
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60094) - you deserved it (6673)

On 08/29/2013 at 8:48pm - love - by Anonymous - United Kingdom

Today, my friend told me she turned down a job as a babysitter because she didn't want to be secretly videotaped, as she knew the people had a nanny cam. I wasn't aware of this when I took that same job a few nights ago and asked my boyfriend to come by. We had sex on their couch. FML

#20862871
232 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26904) - you deserved it (92862)

On 09/01/2013 at 5:57am - intimacy - by happyturtle (woman) - Croatia

Today, my dog tore up a single book from the dozens within his reach. That book was titled "How to Train Your Dog". FML

#20907686
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41393) - you deserved it (5342) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 10/04/2013 at 7:00pm - animals - by iet_Wyrda (woman) - Sent from mobile version

Today, a customer was paying for his food. As he placed the money in my hand, he said, "Careful, those coins are sticky." I asked why. He replied, "You know, male stuff." FML

Today, I pretended to be deaf to a door to door salesman. He knew sign language. FML

#20907982
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21360) - you deserved it (47992)

On 10/05/2013 at 2:56am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, I was pushed off of a glacier by a very angry tourist. Why? I work as a glacier guide, and apparently some people find it overly frustrating to be informed that there isn't a café on the glacier. FML

#20924969
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46813) - you deserved it (2783)

On 10/18/2013 at 8:40am - work - by Quasimodo (woman) - Norway (Hordaland)

Today, I was leaving the grocery store when an old woman started yelling at me for not holding the door open for her. She accused me of being "everything wrong with the younger generation". It was an automatic door. FML

#20937007
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45581) - you deserved it (3041)

On 10/28/2013 at 5:53pm - misc - by Greg (man) - United States (Michigan)



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