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Today, my lips were dry and chapped, so I asked if I could use some of my friend's chapstick. She didn't mind, so I quickly put some on. Only later did I notice that my lips were sparkly. Turns out it was glitter balm. Now everyone calls me "princess." FML

#21021931
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41241) - you deserved it (12901)

On 01/08/2014 at 10:23pm - misc - by chapstick (man) - United States (California)

Today, as I was taking out the trash, I spotted my cute neighbor doing the same. In a rush to get out before he went back inside, I slipped on my iced-over porch. I passed out and woke up with a note on my chest saying, "I unlocked your door but you were too heavy to drag inside". FML

#21027337
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46954) - you deserved it (7327)

On 01/14/2014 at 1:48am - misc - by rholt (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I threw an eraser at my brother to get his attention because he couldn't hear me over his music. Being in a bad mood, he thought I was trying to aggravate his bad mood and responded by throwing a small desk cactus back. FML

#21071018
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38473) - you deserved it (13588)

On 02/25/2014 at 4:31am - misc - by ThatGuyWithFMLs (man) - Japan (Osaka)

Today, I was walking and saw a quarter. I bent down to pick it up. Barely a foot ahead there was another, so I crawled over to get it. This continued for about six feet when I realize a kid was laying them out in a trail. I had collected 7 fake quarters and the kid had it on video. FML

#21087786
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40768) - you deserved it (19557)

On 03/15/2014 at 11:46pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I had the cops called on me for acting suspiciously. I was using a payphone. FML

#21086220
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40443) - you deserved it (3656)

On 03/14/2014 at 1:07am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my neighbor called the police for the seventh time because he's convinced I'm a vampire. He's also gotten in the habit of leaving garlic cloves in my yard. My parents come next week. FML

#21095586
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38250) - you deserved it (2926)

On 03/24/2014 at 9:52pm - misc - by Vampprobs - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was randomly selected for a pat-down while at the airport. Being from the south, I said thanks out of pure habit. The guy replied, "No sir, thank YOU." and winked. FML

#21098671
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38091) - you deserved it (4873)

On 03/28/2014 at 4:30pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, while reading the paper I saw a picture of a guy I really like that I met online. The picture is in the obituaries. No wonder he hasn't called. FML

#21103818
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47572) - you deserved it (3805)

On 04/03/2014 at 5:22pm - love - by kubbyp (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I realized how boring and sexually deprived my life is when I found a gas station ten cents cheaper than the one I usually use. It gave me both an asthma attack and an erection, simultaneously. FML

#21107421
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44726) - you deserved it (6518)

On 04/08/2014 at 3:56am - misc - by the long distance guy - United States (Connecticut)

Today, at a big Easter egg hunt, the kids found a wild bunny. Everyone smiled and "aww"ed, until my dog caught and ate it in front everyone. FML

#21118358
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44818) - you deserved it (5213)

On 04/20/2014 at 7:24pm - animals - by BetterThanChocolate (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was hit in the face by the placenta of a cow that had just given birth. FML

#21158688
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48731) - you deserved it (5402)

On 05/31/2014 at 9:53pm - animals - by disturbed - Ireland

Today, I witnessed some greasy twat trying to chat a girl up by negging her, which is basically insulting a woman to lower her self-esteem so she's more likely to put out. "Goddamn negger", I muttered. "The fuck did you just say?!" yelled a black guy standing beside me. FML

#21275066
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32967) - you deserved it (15427)

On 10/10/2014 at 4:38pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)



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