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Today, my aunt drove to my house and screamed at me for skateboarding in her driveway and denting her car. She then ransacked my room for said skateboard so she could break it in half. My aunt lives 4 hours away. I don't own a skateboard. FML

#20682410
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46936) - you deserved it (2412)

On 05/23/2013 at 7:25pm - misc - by Dalistair (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my step-dad was talking about how he was raised in Las Vegas, telling stories about him and his buddies, until he stopped, looked right at my mom and said, "Find her, feed her, f*ck her, forget her. But I never forgot your mom, that's how I stole her from your dad." FML

#20687932
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52609) - you deserved it (3588)

On 05/26/2013 at 7:20pm - intimacy - by MsAnonymous17 (woman) - United States

Today, after finally seeing a psychologist about the death of my dad and spending the longest hour of my life confessing every thought I've experienced in the 6 years since his passing, my psychologist asked me if I was walking home or if my dad would be picking me up. FML

#20705144
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (76714) - you deserved it (3651)

On 06/04/2013 at 8:35am - health - by irishbubble (woman) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I foolishly thought that I was alone in the house, and let out a huge fart on the toilet. This went on for a while due to an upset stomach. I later walked into the living room only to find my parents and a few of their friends sitting on the couch, teary-eyed from laughing so much. FML

Today, in public, a homeless guy looked me in the eyes and started wanking. FML

#20729997
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48478) - you deserved it (4479)

On 06/16/2013 at 7:27pm - intimacy - by scarredforlife - United States (New York)

Today, I used a public restroom. I saw my sister's shoes walk into the stall next to me, so I gave her a little nudge with my foot. We then nudged each other until I walked out and saw a homeless man with the same shoes as my sister. He then tried to hold my hand. FML

#20745749
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26033) - you deserved it (40419)

On 06/25/2013 at 12:56am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I made two cakes. One for my boyfriend's birthday tomorrow, the other for my family so they wouldn't eat the birthday cake. I came home to find they ate half of each. FML

Today, I came back from the doctor after having been diagnosed with a UTI. My dad now won't shut up about it, saying stuff like, "You must be 'pissed'", "Looks like 'urine' a bit of pain", and "'Urea'-lly need some antibiotics, son", all while making obnoxious finger quotes in the air. FML

#20739103
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41238) - you deserved it (4606)

On 06/21/2013 at 2:05pm - health - by assholedad (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was asked to help my sister clean her room. The moment I opened the door, I was greeted by her screaming "TASTE THE RAINBOW" with a full mouth. She then spat the skittles into my face. FML

#20768354
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42684) - you deserved it (4402)

On 07/07/2013 at 6:55am - kids - by tastetherainbow - United States (Texas)

Today, I found my cat dead on the road. I called my family and told them, and later buried the cat. Not long after I got done burying it, my cat walked up to me. I buried someone else's cat. FML

#20757856
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47871) - you deserved it (9967)

On 07/01/2013 at 12:10pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Utah)

Today, I tried acid for the first time while camping with my best friend. A drunk driver smashed into my car, leaving it totaled. I had to explain the situation to a cop all while thinking my car was bleeding green ooze. FML

#20759193
225 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24206) - you deserved it (62745)

On 07/02/2013 at 1:24am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was in a training about the newest changes in CPR. The trainer was discussing chest compression techniques and said she prefers "good, fast, hard pumping." I was the only one who snickered out loud, drawing several annoyed looks from the other trainees. I'm a 45-year-old doctor. FML

#20803758
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38198) - you deserved it (18235)

On 07/25/2013 at 11:15pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my 15-year-old birth daughter asked if I've ever had sex. FML

#20774208
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51778) - you deserved it (7637)

On 07/10/2013 at 12:38pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Ohio)



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