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Today, at work, I saw a van in our car park with "Hurlz Wagon" painted on its side. Laughing, I told the customer who owned it that I loved the name, and I asked was there a funny vomit story behind it. She didn't laugh, and told me it was her family name. FML

by big mouth / 09/26/2012 at 7:40am / New Zealand (Wellington) / Work

Today, my neighbors left for their nine month excursion, and armed their security system. One of the features is a loud series of three beeps every three seconds, 24 hours a day. I can hear it, clear as a bell, throughout my entire house. FML

by Anonymous / 10/16/2012 at 12:38pm / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, after two and a half hours of travel, it was finally my stop on the train. I politely waited for a group of women to get off first. They took so long to move that the train doors closed. I shouted at one through the door to call the conductor. She watched and smiled as the train departed. FML

by CrimsonAmaryllis / 04/01/2013 at 12:37pm / United Kingdom (Bristol, City of) / Transportation

Today, I had to go to the clinic for a physical. The nurse asked me for a pee sample; however, I had no urine to give. After 20 minutes of standing at the stall I was able to squeeze half a cup of pee. As I approached the sink to cover the sample, I somehow managed to drop it all over myself. FML

by NoPeeGiven / 04/14/2013 at 1:10am / United States (Illinois) / Health

Today, days after I broke up with my girlfriend, my dad tried to make her feel better by inviting her to our family BBQ next weekend. FML

by Anonymous / 06/09/2013 at 12:50pm / Bangladesh (Dhaka) / Love

Today, a customer broke my nose for refusing to give him a discount because the product he was buying had a fine layer of dust on the box. FML

by Whytetrash / 06/20/2013 at 2:32am / Australia (New South Wales) / Work

Today, I received a text from my dad, which was borderline-incomprehensible due to an insane amount of text language. I replied, jokingly asked if he had a stroke while writing it. A few seconds after hitting send, I remembered the stroke he suffered last month. FML

by hellbound / 07/12/2013 at 12:35pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, when my husband asked me what the password to my new computer is, I told him it was the month and year of our marriage. He couldn't figure out the password. FML

by Anonymous / 09/08/2013 at 1:42am / United States (Alabama) / Love

Today, I texted my girlfriend to tell her that we couldn't hang out because my dog died this morning and we were burying him. She replied that she wasn't going to get stood up by a stupid dog. She then broke up with me. FML

by really? / 09/22/2013 at 10:24pm / United States / Love

Today, while swimming in the ocean, I felt some sand under my wedding ring. I took it off for a second, and got hit by a huge wave. My ring is now lost somewhere in the ocean. FML

by smiley1014 / 11/18/2013 at 4:14am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I got into a fight with a lawn chair. It won. FML

by what_a_loner / 11/17/2013 at 5:07pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I told my boyfriend the dentist said my blood pressure was high. He was more interested in the fact that the dentist took my blood pressure than my blood pressure being high. FML

by Anonymous / 03/24/2014 at 10:11pm / United States (Kansas) / Health

Today, at my work in a call centre, a man called up on a very quiet line to report a car accident on his father's behalf because his father was deaf. I asked him to ask his dad if he was OK after the accident. I'd misheard him and he had said "dead", not "deaf". He started crying. FML

by Iamsosorry / 06/22/2015 at 7:35am / United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire) / Work