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Today, I realized how boring and sexually deprived my life is when I found a gas station ten cents cheaper than the one I usually use. It gave me both an asthma attack and an erection, simultaneously. FML

#21107421
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42708) - you deserved it (6236)

On 04/08/2014 at 3:56am - misc - by the long distance guy - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I took my son to lunch. After we ate, the waitress came over and told me that my son was the most well-behaved child they had ever had there. His response was to pull his pants down and moon the entire restaurant while smacking his bottom. FML

Today, I finally brought a girl home from college. While I was making her some coffee, my roommate came down in her underwear, pretended to be my girlfriend, and asked if we were having a threesome. My date left before I could explain, and my roommate thinks it's fucking hilarious. FML

Today, I turned around in my cubicle to see the entire marketing department (myself excluded) getting ready to have lunch together. Nobody mentioned it to me. FML

#865
16 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17377) - you deserved it (1562)

On 01/08/2009 at 8:30am - work - by Webmonkey - United States (Texas)

Today, my boss replied-to-all to a memo I sent, wherein he states that "Filipino" should be spelled with a double P. He spells his nationality with a double R. He's from Morocco. FML

#2247
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13094) - you deserved it (2057)

On 01/22/2009 at 6:26pm - misc - by moronicmoroccan - Philippines (Rizal)

Today, I sang the itsy bitsy spider song with a class of thirty 20 somethings because we're going to be kindergarten teachers. She made us do the hand motions too. FML

#2762
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6764) - you deserved it (21254)

On 01/27/2009 at 3:10am - work - by duh - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I accepted an internship in Chicago and finished my final exams. I decided to play some pick up basketball one last time before summer. Within 2 minutes I got undercut going for a rebound and shattered my knee cap into 3 pieces. My summer in Chicago will be spent in a full leg cast. FML

#1952667
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37598) - you deserved it (3611)

On 05/15/2009 at 12:05am - health - by FourKnees (man) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, for the Superbowl halftime show, my mom was blasting the TV, dancing, and singing along to Bruce Springsteen in front of me and my boyfriend. FML

#4751
35 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16589) - you deserved it (6047)

On 02/01/2009 at 2:09pm - misc - by Embarrassed daughter.. - United States (Illinois)

Today, I went to the military base to save $10 on a haircut. On the way out the gate, the glare of the sun blocked my view of a star barrier. Instead of saving $10 on a haircut I now owe a $500 deductible to fix my car. FML

Today, I took a hot plate out of the oven with my fancy silicone oven mitt. Seconds after carefully placing it on the cook top, I picked it up with my left, unprotected hand. FML

#6652180
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6568) - you deserved it (30639)

On 12/07/2009 at 6:08pm - health - by Van (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I found out the presentation I've been looking forward to and preparing for months only has three people registered to attend. I'll be talking to an empty room for an hour. FML

#6180723
20 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23156) - you deserved it (2169)

On 11/06/2009 at 10:22am - misc - by kernelkat (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I had my new Blackberry Curve sitting on my lunch tray. Unthinkingly, i tossed it into the garbage can. 10 minutes later i realized I had thrown it away and spent the next hour searching through six garbage cans of half-eaten food. FML

#6372164
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6264) - you deserved it (24707)

On 11/19/2009 at 6:37pm - misc - by gravycoveredblackberry (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I would rather pound to porn than have sex with my wife, because trying to get her in the mood is too much hassle. FML

#6574517
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18316) - you deserved it (10248)

On 12/02/2009 at 9:37pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)



FML's blog

  • FML on vacation #1: Getting there
  • A lot of people will spout off the tired old cliché that the destination isn't as important as the journey itself. Well, what if you're on your way to the Playboy Mansion then?…

Tuesday 22 July 2014

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