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Today, I surprised my 7 and 1.5 year old girls with a princess dinner. I quickly realized it was a scam when the "princesses" arrived looking more suited to a bachelor party. I was able to quickly get the girls out, but have spent the evening explaining why Pocahontas was heavily tattooed. FML

Today, I was Skyping with my girlfriend. I was so incredibly tired and just wanted to go to bed, but she just kept talking and wouldn't let me go. I ended up blurting "Your mom's a cunt." just to start a fight and have an excuse to hang up on her. I feel like an asshole. FML

#21443212
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12499) - you deserved it (37896)

On 07/17/2015 at 8:54pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I met a woman that I've been emailing and trading pics with for over a month. We had a face to face, she was surprisingly overweight, and the sun hit her face in a way that radiated all her facial hair. FML

#1122
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10331) - you deserved it (26050)

On 01/14/2009 at 11:03am - love - by agnosticstudy - United States (Alabama)

Today, I took a nap with a kitten I just adopted from my mom's house. To make her feel more comfortable, I took a nap with her on my bed. In my dream, I kept smelling poo and I felt around on the bed to find the kitten. She apparently had diarrhea on my bed and I had stuck my hand in it. FML

#2619681
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42463) - you deserved it (7868)

On 06/05/2009 at 12:28am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I was at a club with a friend. A cute guy kept smiling and looking over at me. He left his seat and went to the bar and brought back two drinks. He waved me over and then said, "Can you tell your hot friend that I bought her a drink?" FML

#2634105
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58576) - you deserved it (4763)

On 06/05/2009 at 3:46pm - intimacy - by KL (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I woke up happy because I'd met the man of my dreams at a bar. We had shared an amazing night together. I walked around my apartment, wondering where he'd went. Turns out, he was gone. So was my car. FML

#87157
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51598) - you deserved it (25791)

On 02/20/2009 at 10:38am - intimacy - by clueless2 (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I rode my bike to work. Once there, I realized I forgot my bike lock. For fear of it being stolen, I quickly rode home and took my car instead. When I got home, I realized my bike was missing. Someone stole it from my backyard. FML

#3767718
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43481) - you deserved it (5749)

On 07/15/2009 at 3:06am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, while I was making love to my wife, she looks up and says, "I'll paint the ceiling white." FML

#5716873
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19881) - you deserved it (3754)

On 10/08/2009 at 1:41am - intimacy - by JD (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, while I was in the doctors they told me that me and my son needed a shot, I went first to show my son that it wouldnt hurt and shots were not something to be afraid of. When they gave me my shot I started crying. My four year old son handles pain better than his 29 year old mom. FML

#4548523
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14127) - you deserved it (38578)

On 08/15/2009 at 1:06pm - kids - by wimp (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I got a new computer because my old one crashed, deleting all music, photos, and documents. I still had all my music on my iPod though, and went to sync it to the new computer. By accident, my younger brother pulled the cord out before it was done, deleting all 3,000 songs forever. FML

#5395665
229 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45596) - you deserved it (6628)

On 09/21/2009 at 4:22pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I found out that just because you collapse from dehydration on the sidewalk, it doesn't mean people are going to stop driving to see if you're okay, even if they saw you fall. FML

#4477609
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47399) - you deserved it (6625)

On 08/12/2009 at 3:37pm - misc - by Lasko (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I got a new cell phone. I was unable to retrieve my old contact list from my old phone, so I sent out a mass email asking my friends to "Give me your contact info, unless you don't want me to text/call you!" No one is responding. FML

#5390873
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32024) - you deserved it (11419)

On 09/21/2009 at 9:28am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was hanging out with a co-worker who I really liked. One thing led to another and we ended up going to her house and hooked up. Once we'd finished, I noticed another co-workers ID on the floor by her bed. I asked her about it and she said he must have dropped it there last night. FML

#4994251
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21799) - you deserved it (8285)

On 09/02/2009 at 4:41am - intimacy - by Mdrk783 (man) - United States



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