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Today, I received a $50 iTunes card for my birthday. I immediately sat down at my computer and starting buying all my newest favorites. Then I realized I never redeemed my card so the $50 was all charged to my account. FML

by brokeaf / 07/11/2011 at 3:09pm / United States / Money

Today, I was directing traffic at work during one of the hottest days of the year. Not only do I have to stand in the heat and exhaust fumes for minimum wage, I also had to endure people asking me "Aren't you hot?" as they drove past me in their air conditioned cars. FML

by Sarah / 07/23/2011 at 8:01pm / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, I was texting my boyfriend. He continued to tell me how he had to piss. We carried on this conversation for about 10 minutes, then I realized that was the most interesting conversation I have had with him in weeks. FML

by Cow_girl_cutie / 08/03/2011 at 3:47am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I realize that my boyfriend's breath quite literally smells like a sewer. It wouldn't be so bad, except that he tries to kiss me about every ten minutes, and I have to hold my breath. FML

by PookaKay02 / 09/20/2011 at 12:26am / United States / Love

Today, I went to work as a home health-aid, and found out that my client turns his hearing aid off on purpose because he can't stand my voice. FML

by melikeyturtles / 10/10/2011 at 12:13am / United States / Work

Today, I was fired. For "lack of attention to details", specifically spelling errors. My now ex-boss misspelled the name of his own company on my severance agreement. FML

by JadeC / 12/01/2011 at 1:55pm / United States (New York) / Work

Today, I cut my finger with a knife while cooking. I work in a hospital and have to use hand disinfectant at least every twenty minutes. It hurts badly. I have to work for eight hours. FML

by StupidNurse / 01/26/2012 at 4:57pm / Germany / Work

Today, after weeks of sorting, inspecting, and waiting, my high school's yearbooks were distributed. I'd searched carefully for photo errors and was proud to say there were none. That is, until someone told me that a boy on the last page was flipping the camera the bird. FML

by ooh cat / 05/18/2012 at 5:50pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I put the little boy I nanny for in time-out. In retaliation he blasted an air horn in my face. I can only hear out of one ear now. FML

by Anonymous / 06/11/2012 at 7:18am / United States / Kids

Today, I was at a family dinner, which had gone into meltdown after my aunt said something sarcastic about my mother's drinking. I went out for some fresh air and stumbled about in the dark, unaware of the fact that a pool was being dug. I fell into the huge hole and lost a shoe. FML

by NotDrunk / 09/11/2012 at 2:47am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, after a busy afternoon taking care of the kids, I was feeling really down about only being a mom these days, and I was hoping my husband would make me feel better when he got off work. In the middle of cuddling, he called me "mom." FML

by Anonymous / 07/29/2012 at 4:34pm / United States (Rhode Island) / Love

Today, I got my laptop back after waiting weeks for it to be fixed. It turns out that they didn't fix it; they dusted it off, held it for a few days, and sent it back. FML

by Anonymous / 07/26/2012 at 1:02pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had to give a speech as part of my campaign for school captain. I was rather happy with it and so I told another candidate my speech. Apparently it was a good idea as minutes later that same candidate stole my entire speech, leaving me looking like a complete idiot. FML

by anonymous / 09/05/2012 at 9:51am / Australia (New South Wales) / Miscellaneous