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Today, I was getting my cat some canned food. Out of habit I licked the spoon after I had emptied the can only to realize too late what I had done. FML

#20886441
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38435) - you deserved it (16660)

On 09/18/2013 at 10:53am - animals - by OldHabitsDieHard - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I reminded my husband that I was on my period, so he wouldn't try to fool around with me. A few hours later, his goldfish-like memory kicked in and he stuck his hand down my pants while we were going to bed. I was wearing a maxi pad. FML

#20935542
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53442) - you deserved it (5106)

On 10/27/2013 at 11:26am - intimacy - by SharkWeek (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my professor tried to scare the hiccups out of me. Some pee came out instead. FML

#20937069
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37737) - you deserved it (3794)

On 10/28/2013 at 6:39pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I took my girlfriend to meet my parents at a family dinner. There was plenty of alcohol on offer, as is normal at our get-togethers. She got blind drunk and ended up crying to my mum about how I can't please her because I have a small penis and my oral sucks. FML

#20933730
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52997) - you deserved it (9080)

On 10/25/2013 at 6:08pm - intimacy - by Dick the Greater (man) -

Today, I got a concussion. It was when an entire shelf of bicycle helmets tumbled onto my skull. FML

#20954433
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37196) - you deserved it (2729)

On 11/11/2013 at 9:14pm - health - by myheadhurts (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I had a dream that I was playing fetch with my dog. It wouldn't have been so bad if I hadn't woken up to the sound of my phone smashing against the wall. FML

Today, my kittens hunted and killed their first prey. My hamster. FML

#20981341
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43551) - you deserved it (7081) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 12/05/2013 at 1:52am - animals - by Chatons - Switzerland

Today, I learned that just because you live on a different continent, it doesn't mean your mother won't come knocking when you are having sex. FML

#20989004
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52943) - you deserved it (4595)

On 12/11/2013 at 2:59pm - intimacy - by hi Mum - United States (South Carolina)

Today, my class was interrupted by flowers, balloons and chocolates. Then he sang to me a song he wrote himself. This was all for our one-year anniversary. It probably would have been the best day of my life... if I knew who he was. FML

#20997138
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44776) - you deserved it (3468)

On 12/18/2013 at 4:20pm - love - by romance sucks. (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I puked up an anti-nausea pill. FML

#21026645
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49050) - you deserved it (4437)

On 01/13/2014 at 3:35pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, to avoid a guy who's been creepily following me around school lately, I ducked into the girl's bathroom. After few minutes, he stuck his head in with his eyes closed and asked if I was done yet. FML

#21021456
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59501) - you deserved it (4349)

On 01/08/2014 at 3:27pm - misc - by stalked - United States (Florida)

Today, I woke up to every window in my house packed with snow. It was so bad that I thought I'd been snowed-in, and I started freaking out. It took two hours and multiple phone calls before I found out that my neighbor had taken our prank war too seriously and staged the whole thing. FML

#21015630
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36660) - you deserved it (11907)

On 01/03/2014 at 4:04pm - misc - by thanks.... (man) - United States

Today, as I was taking out the trash, I spotted my cute neighbor doing the same. In a rush to get out before he went back inside, I slipped on my iced-over porch. I passed out and woke up with a note on my chest saying, "I unlocked your door but you were too heavy to drag inside". FML

#21027337
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45569) - you deserved it (7094)

On 01/14/2014 at 1:48am - misc - by rholt (woman) - United States (Kansas)



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