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Today, my co-workers figured out that I was in high school when my husband was in kindergarten. They won't stop calling me a "cougar". FML

#20718644
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31458) - you deserved it (47880)

On 06/10/2013 at 11:19pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I discovered that my 20-year-old son has been using my bras for his jerk-off sessions. FML

#20701422
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63957) - you deserved it (6085)

On 06/02/2013 at 3:00pm - intimacy - by Kay (woman) - India (Andhra Pradesh)

Today, after years of researching and saving money, I got a pet fox. I was able to enjoy the majesty of the animal for three hours before it burrowed under the fence and ran away. FML

#20717566
309 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35311) - you deserved it (51792)

On 06/10/2013 at 2:01pm - animals - by SadFoxLady (woman) - United States (Iowa)

Today, I found out why my daughter eats so many sugary baked goods. According to her, when you bake things, all the sugar and calories are "released" and so you can't gain weight from it. It seems I raised a moron. FML

#20713749
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45688) - you deserved it (8926)

On 06/08/2013 at 3:01pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, my son visited for the first time in three years, asking to stay a while. It turns out he insulted someone online and gave his address in case they wanted to fight him. They accepted the offer, and so my son's imaginary Muay Thai skills went AWOL, along with his testicles. FML

#20726002
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42570) - you deserved it (4529)

On 06/14/2013 at 6:12pm - kids - by I fathered a pussy. (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I foolishly thought that I was alone in the house, and let out a huge fart on the toilet. This went on for a while due to an upset stomach. I later walked into the living room only to find my parents and a few of their friends sitting on the couch, teary-eyed from laughing so much. FML

Today, I bumped into my parents at the mall. They didn't tell me they were around. I live 5,000 miles away, in a different country from them. FML

#20744316
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58956) - you deserved it (3579)

On 06/24/2013 at 10:16am - misc - by Coolios (man) - United Arab Emirates (Dubai)

Today, I used a public restroom. I saw my sister's shoes walk into the stall next to me, so I gave her a little nudge with my foot. We then nudged each other until I walked out and saw a homeless man with the same shoes as my sister. He then tried to hold my hand. FML

#20745749
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26107) - you deserved it (40565)

On 06/25/2013 at 12:56am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I made two cakes. One for my boyfriend's birthday tomorrow, the other for my family so they wouldn't eat the birthday cake. I came home to find they ate half of each. FML

Today, I came back from the doctor after having been diagnosed with a UTI. My dad now won't shut up about it, saying stuff like, "You must be 'pissed'", "Looks like 'urine' a bit of pain", and "'Urea'-lly need some antibiotics, son", all while making obnoxious finger quotes in the air. FML

#20739103
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42399) - you deserved it (4713)

On 06/21/2013 at 2:05pm - health - by assholedad (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was asked to help my sister clean her room. The moment I opened the door, I was greeted by her screaming "TASTE THE RAINBOW" with a full mouth. She then spat the skittles into my face. FML

#20768354
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43771) - you deserved it (4491)

On 07/07/2013 at 6:55am - kids - by tastetherainbow - United States (Texas)

Today, I found my cat dead on the road. I called my family and told them, and later buried the cat. Not long after I got done burying it, my cat walked up to me. I buried someone else's cat. FML

#20757856
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48034) - you deserved it (9994)

On 07/01/2013 at 12:10pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Utah)

Today, I was in a training about the newest changes in CPR. The trainer was discussing chest compression techniques and said she prefers "good, fast, hard pumping." I was the only one who snickered out loud, drawing several annoyed looks from the other trainees. I'm a 45-year-old doctor. FML

#20803758
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39050) - you deserved it (18612)

On 07/25/2013 at 11:15pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)



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