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Today, while kissing my girlfriend's neck, I sneezed a blob of snot onto her. She told me that "it doesn't matter", while hiccuping a bit of vomit. FML

#626
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25203) - you deserved it (6645)

On 12/29/2008 at 11:54pm - love - by sneezer - Sent from mobile version

Today, I colored my hair. It was supposed to turn out blonde, but it became more a mix of red and brown and blonde patches. When I tried coloring everything back, a green tint was added. My hair is at the moment red, brown, blonde and green. FML

#1392760
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40712) - you deserved it (37341)

On 04/27/2009 at 2:39pm - misc - by Fmyhair (woman) - Norway (Vestfold)

Today, I was at a club with a friend. A cute guy kept smiling and looking over at me. He left his seat and went to the bar and brought back two drinks. He waved me over and then said, "Can you tell your hot friend that I bought her a drink?" FML

#2634105
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59494) - you deserved it (4835)

On 06/05/2009 at 3:46pm - intimacy - by KL (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I realized that the beef jerky someone had left on the counter and that I'd been sneaking a few pieces of every morning had a cartoon dog holding two strips of beef jerky. I wondered why nobody else was eating it. It was beef jerky for dogs. FML

#94421
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9189) - you deserved it (48925)

On 02/21/2009 at 2:44am - animals - by Chubsley (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I rode my bike to work. Once there, I realized I forgot my bike lock. For fear of it being stolen, I quickly rode home and took my car instead. When I got home, I realized my bike was missing. Someone stole it from my backyard. FML

#3767718
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45389) - you deserved it (5957)

On 07/15/2009 at 3:06am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my dad took a call while driving. He always yells and curses at people who talk on their cell while driving. I asked him to get off the phone because it's dangerous, and told him he's being a hypocrite. He shook his head at me and continued talking. Seconds later, we got into an accident. FML

#5719092
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40723) - you deserved it (3643)

On 10/08/2009 at 7:40am - misc - by Irony (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, while I was making love to my wife, she looks up and says, "I'll paint the ceiling white." FML

#5716873
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20798) - you deserved it (3860)

On 10/08/2009 at 1:41am - intimacy - by JD (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, while I was in the doctors they told me that me and my son needed a shot, I went first to show my son that it wouldnt hurt and shots were not something to be afraid of. When they gave me my shot I started crying. My four year old son handles pain better than his 29 year old mom. FML

#4548523
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14583) - you deserved it (39378)

On 08/15/2009 at 1:06pm - kids - by wimp (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I bought a cool new pair of sunglasses. I wore them today, and all day I kept getting comments about how much I looked like Ozzy Osbourne and John Lennon. I'm a girl. FML

#4152950
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32816) - you deserved it (12922)

On 07/30/2009 at 2:51am - misc - by poop_mcqueen (woman) - United States - moderated by the Jackass crew

Today, I was texting while making dinner. I went to pour the noodles into the boiling water and I dropped my phone in. Not thinking, I went to retrieve it from the water. I now have a completely useless phone and a useless hand. FML

#6262427
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11156) - you deserved it (37326)

On 11/11/2009 at 7:04pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my girlfriend of three years broke up with me because she found a lot of red lipstick on my neck. The red lipstick was from her lipstick because she came over in the middle of the night when she was really drunk, then left. She refuses to listen to me. FML

#6181842
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37268) - you deserved it (3056)

On 11/06/2009 at 12:50pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I got a phone call from my dad that I haven't heard from in months. I didn't answer, but it left me an accidental voicemail saying "Oh s***, I didn't mean to call her!" FML

#6145553
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33705) - you deserved it (2399)

On 11/04/2009 at 12:15am - misc - by assdialed. (woman) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I noticed a girl looking at me on the train. Playing it cool, I decided to give her a smile and see what would happen. It came out as a creepy, seedy grin, prompting her to call security. FML

#6953786
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26577) - you deserved it (9656)

On 12/26/2009 at 7:06am - misc - by creepyguy (man) - Australia (Queensland)



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