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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my boyfriend called me a freak for wanting to have sex for a second night in a row. FML

#20495286
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49354) - you deserved it (5685)

On 02/06/2013 at 1:01am - intimacy - by frustrated! (woman) - United States

Today, I was cleaning a house. While dusting a rickety nightstand, a drawer fell open and a light-up dildo fell out and turned on. I couldn't figure out how to turn it off. FML

#20541893
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40063) - you deserved it (4443)

On 03/13/2013 at 9:36am - intimacy - by OptimusVader (woman) - United States

Today, my very conservative mom met my girlfriend, who recently shaved her head in support of her best friend, who has cancer. My girlfriend looks beautiful and feminine even with her still very short hair. My mom, however, keeps insisting that I'm dating "a confused transgender". FML

#20519321
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35711) - you deserved it (2336)

On 02/23/2013 at 8:42pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, since I hadn't eaten and was about to have a three hour class, I bought Panda Express. I sat opposite my classroom to eat. Soon after I started eating, a wad of saliva dropped into my bowl, and I heard someone yell "BONUS POINTS!" from the second floor. FML

Today, my brother was arrested for starting a fistfight at a funeral. He didn't even know the deceased; he's just been crashing funerals recently, hoping to hook up with mourners. I'm not sure who's more pathetic: him for doing such a thing, or me for bailing his fucking dumb arse out of jail. FML

#20509476
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31365) - you deserved it (7201)

On 02/16/2013 at 1:03pm - money - by an idiot (man) - Australia

Today, a guy I went on one date with asked me out again via text. Being honest, I texted back, politely saying that he was a good guy but I wasn't really interested. He came over to my house, screaming about how awful I was for "text message breaking up with him" and then cracked my windshield. FML

#20522936
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35994) - you deserved it (4220)

On 02/26/2013 at 11:43am - love - by fuckedover - United States

Today, I was at my class's band concert. Before the curtain was raised, I helped haul the piano to a different spot so a girl who would've had to stand behind it could be seen. I said, "There, now your mom can see you play!" She responded with, "My mom's blind." FML

#20527693
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35189) - you deserved it (3734)

On 03/02/2013 at 1:22am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, I was getting intimate with my boyfriend, when my upstairs neighbor decided to take the longest piss known to man. He moaned the entire time. FML

#20545680
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38183) - you deserved it (4329)

On 03/16/2013 at 2:19am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I was so bored at a dinner party that I went to the bathroom to play games on my phone. One of my co-workers came in, so I rushed into a stall, but forgot to turn my phone's sound off. She heard it and said, "It's OK, music helps me shit too" and started blasting her music and grunting. FML

#20534043
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27867) - you deserved it (6329)

On 03/06/2013 at 9:39pm - work - by shittysongs - United States (Washington)

Today, I told my girlfriend I've been a vegetarian for 6 years. Hearing this, my mom said, "No, you're not. I fry your mushrooms and onions in bacon grease." With this new information, I've been a vegetarian for about 76 hours. FML

#20544221
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33748) - you deserved it (8744)

On 03/15/2013 at 12:01am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I found out why my boyfriend likes to do my hair and makeup for me. Far from it being some kind of fetish or hobby, it's because he thinks I do such a crappy job that feels he has to apply it himself so I don't "embarrass" him when we're out in public together. FML

#20543666
38 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32378) - you deserved it (11554)

On 03/14/2013 at 5:01pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Germany (Thuringen)

Today, I finally got a tattoo of an alchemy symbol that I've wanted for years. I also found out later that symbol stands for urine. FML

#20539190
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9126) - you deserved it (46547)

On 03/11/2013 at 3:43am - misc - by PeeLeg (woman) -

Today, I was walking my dog when he stopped in the middle of the street and took a dump. I looked around furtively but saw nobody, so I just kept walking. I stepped in it on the way back home. FML

#20558609
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10372) - you deserved it (88348) - Translated from the french version of FML. Bon appétit!

On 03/24/2013 at 7:01pm - animals - by BaliTheDog - France



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