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Today, I colored my hair. It was supposed to turn out blonde, but it became more a mix of red and brown and blonde patches. When I tried coloring everything back, a green tint was added. My hair is at the moment red, brown, blonde and green. FML

by Fmyhair / 04/27/2009 at 2:39pm / Norway (Vestfold) / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up happy because I'd met the man of my dreams at a bar. We had shared an amazing night together. I walked around my apartment, wondering where he'd went. Turns out, he was gone. So was my car. FML

by clueless2 / 02/20/2009 at 10:38am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy

Today, at physical therapy, the girl next to me had a blue armband. I said, "Hey, sweet iPod". She said, "Actually, I have diabetes." FML

by LA / 02/16/2009 at 8:31pm / United States (North Carolina) / Health

Today, I realized that the beef jerky someone had left on the counter and that I'd been sneaking a few pieces of every morning had a cartoon dog holding two strips of beef jerky. I wondered why nobody else was eating it. It was beef jerky for dogs. FML

by Chubsley / 02/21/2009 at 2:44am / United States (Virginia) / Animals

Today, I was walking to the pet store to buy a month's worth of fish food for my fish so I wouldn't have to come back for a while. For fish food it was expensive. It was also surprisingly heavy and I had to carry it back to my house. When I got home, I saw my fish floating at the top of its bowl. FML

by Deadfish / 07/26/2009 at 1:17pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I finally went to Home Depot to buy a chainsaw to cut down the tree leaning dangerously over my garage. When I got home, I found the tree had fallen and taken out the roof while I was shopping. FML

by ragsy / 08/14/2009 at 12:54pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, while I was in the doctors they told me that me and my son needed a shot, I went first to show my son that it wouldnt hurt and shots were not something to be afraid of. When they gave me my shot I started crying. My four year old son handles pain better than his 29 year old mom. FML

by wimp / 08/15/2009 at 1:06pm / United States (Minnesota) / Kids

Today, I participated in the school play. My family came to see me in the production. All was going well when my dad came up to me and said, "Where the fuck were you? The show sucked." Thanks dad for not recognizing your own daughter. FML

by Stevieebabyy / 09/10/2009 at 10:45pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I got a new cell phone. I was unable to retrieve my old contact list from my old phone, so I sent out a mass email asking my friends to "Give me your contact info, unless you don't want me to text/call you!" No one is responding. FML

by Anonymous / 09/21/2009 at 9:28am / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, my dad took a call while driving. He always yells and curses at people who talk on their cell while driving. I asked him to get off the phone because it's dangerous, and told him he's being a hypocrite. He shook his head at me and continued talking. Seconds later, we got into an accident. FML

by Irony / 10/08/2009 at 7:40am / United States (New Jersey) / Transportation

Today, I woke up extremely hungover next to a guy I have been in love with for a while but hadn't seen for ages. Turns out he had a bet going with his mates. He bet he could get me to sleep with him straight away even after not calling me for a month. He was right. FML

by Lovestupid / 11/03/2009 at 4:25am / Australia (Australian Capital Territory) / Intimacy

Today, the "hot" guy I've been talking to for a few weeks sent me a picture. He was very overweight and not good looking at all. He then followed up with, "Now send me one of you so I can prove to all of my friends that you're real." FML

by Alison / 12/07/2009 at 9:14pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Love

Today, I went to my little cousin's school to pick her up and it happened to be my old elementary school. I saw my old teacher and went up to say hi, and after a few minutes she goes "Aren't you the girl who's dad always came in drunk on parent's day?" Nice to know that's how I'm remembered. FML

by Childhood / 12/11/2009 at 10:12pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous