Choose the period

Choose a category

Agreed
Commented
Favorited

Today, while I was waiting for the bus, I was whistling. I saw a cute girl running and I looked at my phone so it didn't seem too awkward. I was still whistling as she passed by so it sounded like I whistled at her. She ran back to slap me. FML

by heycutie / 04/15/2014 at 12:24am / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I came home to a half-shaved dog and a laughing third grader. FML

by Anonymoose / 09/28/2014 at 11:00pm / United States (Indiana) / Kids

Today, I found out I have an STD, courtesy of my girlfriend. Funnily enough, she was clean when we first started dating. FML

by impure / 09/29/2014 at 12:48pm / United States / Health

Today, my best friend and I, after years of sexual tension, began to have sex for the first time. Things got heated and he decided to abruptly stand up with me around him. I got so nervous, spazzed out, and now have 37 staples in my head courtesy of his bookshelf. FML

by anonymous / 10/23/2014 at 9:25pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, I was counselling a soon-to-be teen mom. She has a younger step-brother, and when I asked her how she handled him when he cries, she said, "Oh, that's when you cover their face until they stop!" FML

by Anonymous / 11/16/2014 at 9:25pm / United States (Michigan) / Work

Today, as I walked into the bank, I tripped and bumped into a security guard. He thought I was assaulting him, so he pinned me to the floor and called for backup as he held me at gunpoint. FML

by Anonymous / 11/25/2014 at 3:15pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my father seems to be having an affair. A used condom was carelessly left on his nightstand and my mother found it. She refuses to believe that my boyfriend and I are not responsible. As punishment I am "no longer allowed to see him." We're both 22 and live together in our own apartment. FML

by innocent / 01/05/2015 at 10:11pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, I was yelled at in public for staring at a guy in a wheelchair. I was staring 'cause he was so good looking. FML

by anonymous / 12/23/2014 at 6:28am / Austria (Wien) / Miscellaneous

Today, I met a woman that I've been emailing and trading pics with for over a month. We had a face to face, she was surprisingly overweight, and the sun hit her face in a way that radiated all her facial hair. FML

by agnosticstudy / 01/14/2009 at 11:03am / United States (Alabama) / Love

Today, after taking a shower, I decided to weigh myself. Curious, I peered down. I couldn't see the scale. I am fat. FML

by Mr. Shawzy / 01/15/2009 at 6:43am / Canada (British Columbia) / Health

Today, I woke up happy because I'd met the man of my dreams at a bar. We had shared an amazing night together. I walked around my apartment, wondering where he'd went. Turns out, he was gone. So was my car. FML

by clueless2 / 02/20/2009 at 10:38am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Intimacy

Today, at physical therapy, the girl next to me had a blue armband. I said, "Hey, sweet iPod". She said, "Actually, I have diabetes." FML

by LA / 02/16/2009 at 8:31pm / United States (North Carolina) / Health

Today, I realized that the beef jerky someone had left on the counter and that I'd been sneaking a few pieces of every morning had a cartoon dog holding two strips of beef jerky. I wondered why nobody else was eating it. It was beef jerky for dogs. FML

by Chubsley / 02/21/2009 at 2:44am / United States (Virginia) / Animals