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Today, I berated my five-year-old nephew for peeing on the floor. His mom bitched me out for expecting "a little boy to have perfect aim." That's funny, it looked pretty good when he dropped his pants, looked me in the eyes, and started to piss on my rug. FML

#20675025
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47560) - you deserved it (3209)

On 05/20/2013 at 7:57am - kids - by AuntPeePee - United States

Today, my sister and I were having a slumber party in my room since my parents left on a trip. They left my grandparents here to watch us. It was past bed time and we started hearing some strange noises through my floor. We thought it was the radio. Turns out my grandma is a screamer. FML

Today, my co-workers figured out that I was in high school when my husband was in kindergarten. They won't stop calling me a "cougar". FML

#20718644
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31384) - you deserved it (47805)

On 06/10/2013 at 11:19pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was stuck in my apartment complex's elevator. I was shouting out for help when a voice came screaming, "This is the fire department." I was relieved until he said, "Just kidding." FML

#20681121
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46064) - you deserved it (2986)

On 05/23/2013 at 1:11am - misc - by Mylifesucks - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I discovered that my 20-year-old son has been using my bras for his jerk-off sessions. FML

#20701422
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62120) - you deserved it (5903)

On 06/02/2013 at 3:00pm - intimacy - by Kay (woman) - India (Andhra Pradesh)

Today, my in-laws came for dinner. My 5-year-old son chose that as the perfect time to say, "Good girls always swallow!" when my daughter coughed up some of her food. I have no idea where he heard it, but my mother-in-law blamed me, and my wife had to convince her not to call CPS on me. FML

#20689805
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44705) - you deserved it (3324)

On 05/27/2013 at 6:15pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, I found out why my daughter eats so many sugary baked goods. According to her, when you bake things, all the sugar and calories are "released" and so you can't gain weight from it. It seems I raised a moron. FML

#20713749
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44340) - you deserved it (8718)

On 06/08/2013 at 3:01pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, my son visited for the first time in three years, asking to stay a while. It turns out he insulted someone online and gave his address in case they wanted to fight him. They accepted the offer, and so my son's imaginary Muay Thai skills went AWOL, along with his testicles. FML

#20726002
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41327) - you deserved it (4399)

On 06/14/2013 at 6:12pm - kids - by I fathered a pussy. (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I bumped into my parents at the mall. They didn't tell me they were around. I live 5,000 miles away, in a different country from them. FML

#20744316
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58803) - you deserved it (3570)

On 06/24/2013 at 10:16am - misc - by Coolios (man) - United Arab Emirates (Dubai)

Today, I used a public restroom. I saw my sister's shoes walk into the stall next to me, so I gave her a little nudge with my foot. We then nudged each other until I walked out and saw a homeless man with the same shoes as my sister. He then tried to hold my hand. FML

#20745749
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26058) - you deserved it (40454)

On 06/25/2013 at 12:56am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I made two cakes. One for my boyfriend's birthday tomorrow, the other for my family so they wouldn't eat the birthday cake. I came home to find they ate half of each. FML

Today, I was asked to help my sister clean her room. The moment I opened the door, I was greeted by her screaming "TASTE THE RAINBOW" with a full mouth. She then spat the skittles into my face. FML

#20768354
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43650) - you deserved it (4485)

On 07/07/2013 at 6:55am - kids - by tastetherainbow - United States (Texas)

Today, I was in a training about the newest changes in CPR. The trainer was discussing chest compression techniques and said she prefers "good, fast, hard pumping." I was the only one who snickered out loud, drawing several annoyed looks from the other trainees. I'm a 45-year-old doctor. FML

#20803758
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38935) - you deserved it (18576)

On 07/25/2013 at 11:15pm - work - by Anonymous - United States (North Carolina)



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