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Today, I started my job selling perfume in a department store. I decided to be creative and sprayed a little perfume towards the first person who walked by. She had an allergic reaction, and an ambulance had to be called. FML

#21281002
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20928) - you deserved it (40856)

On 10/19/2014 at 10:24am - work - by Anonymous - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, I overheard my brother telling his friend that having sex with a girl who's on the pill gives the guy female hormones and "turns you into like, half-chick, half-dude." He was serious. How am I related to this moron? FML

#21270200
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36659) - you deserved it (2964)

On 10/03/2014 at 4:43pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, a cute girl was telling me about her weird fetishes. I jokingly said, "Remind me never to have sex with you". She replied, "Don't worry, I have standards". FML

#21353290
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31027) - you deserved it (19687)

On 02/10/2015 at 9:51am - love - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire)

Today, I went to my grandma's yard sale, only to find my baby pictures being sold for 25 cents each. FML

#21275511
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42322) - you deserved it (3359)

On 10/11/2014 at 10:43am - misc - by Forge (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I decided to give my boyfriend a surprise striptease. After I turned around, I heard him murmur "Oh, wow." I turned back around, only to find him watching a gif of a cat falling into snow in slow motion. FML

#21291260
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40353) - you deserved it (4735)

On 11/03/2014 at 2:06pm - intimacy - by Dezzy - United States (Missouri)

Today, I started lactating. That would be fine if I had a kid. Or was pregnant. Or wasn't 16. FML

Today, my 97-pound pitbull wagged and chased his tail while I was being mugged. FML

#21350749
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36027) - you deserved it (3662)

On 02/06/2015 at 2:06am - animals - by ZAnon - United States (Texas)

Today, my boyfriend murmured his sister's name during sex. Before you say he was thinking of someone else with the same name, I've only ever met one person in our town called Nohemi. FML

#21429316
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32048) - you deserved it (2212)

On 06/21/2015 at 12:38am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, it was the concert of my life. I had bought tickets the minute they went on sale, and I'd anxiously waited until the concert date. 30 minutes before the show, my friend got so drunk that we weren't allowed in, and I was stuck babysitting her all night in the hotel, completely missing the show. FML

#19566777
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32393) - you deserved it (4334)

On 05/03/2012 at 12:46am - misc - by savanna (woman) - United States

Today, the guy I've had a crush on for a while called me and asked me over. I took a cab to his place and when I got there he was dressed in leather and wore a mask... It took me a 20 dollar cab fare to realize my crush is a freak. FML

#1507
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34742) - you deserved it (7139)

On 01/17/2009 at 8:38pm - intimacy - by Allenburg - United States (California)

Today, a girl invited me over to her dorm room at 3 AM. For some reason, I thought it would be a good idea to respond to e-mails just before. She said she was tired and then went to bed. I'm a F*ing idiot. FML

#2212
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6146) - you deserved it (45495)

On 01/22/2009 at 3:34pm - love - by Princeton - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I made a joke about having a wedding to my mom and she told me not to joke about something that will probably never happen. FML

#21465
21 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36161) - you deserved it (3366)

On 02/10/2009 at 5:30pm - misc - by NoWedding (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my kids told me that for the FIRST time, my cooking was delicious. I made Kraft dinner that night. FML

#1427815
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44488) - you deserved it (8168)

On 04/28/2009 at 4:47pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)



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