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Today, I was walking through a rough part of town, when a woman screamed that I'd stolen her bag. I was tackled to the ground by a large guy, who then gave my bag to her. FML

#20624598
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49300) - you deserved it (3073)

On 04/27/2013 at 4:28am - misc - by whathehell (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I was making out with my girlfriend for the first time, and she reached down to feel me up. When her hands got there, she stopped and said, "You're not even hard..." I was. FML

#20618445
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (71569) - you deserved it (8701)

On 04/24/2013 at 2:56pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my psycho and now ex-girlfriend accused me of cheating on her with my own mother. FML

#20625307
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52298) - you deserved it (3449)

On 04/27/2013 at 2:32pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Lithuania (Kauno Apskritis)

Today, while grocery shopping, I was having such terrible abdominal pains I could hardly walk. As I'm 8 months pregnant, I told my husband we should head home. He thought a better idea was to run through the store and hide from me, hoping to induce labor by making me chase him. FML

#20619241
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44013) - you deserved it (3660)

On 04/24/2013 at 8:18pm - misc - by pregz (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my boyfriend woke me up the same way he always does, by pulling on my hair. Just to be playful, I pulled him down on top of me and kissed him. Turns out his brother thought it would be funny to wake people up the same way. FML

#20656960
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50747) - you deserved it (8649)

On 05/11/2013 at 7:04pm - love - by wrongguy - United States (North Carolina)

Today, a friend and I were walking around a festival when out of nowhere a giant bug hit me in the face. I went into instant ninja mode, screaming and flailing. When I stopped, I realized it was just a leaf and everyone was staring at me. FML

#20636386
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33083) - you deserved it (15439)

On 05/02/2013 at 2:29am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I finally convinced my mom to read Fight Club. As English isn't her first language, she occasionally asked me to translate some of the words. Her latest question: "What's a dildo?" FML

#20657087
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26769) - you deserved it (36106)

On 05/11/2013 at 8:07pm - misc - by joeidk (man) - United States (New York)

Today, while at hospital with a broken arm, I was asked to raise my hand onto the x-ray machine. I told the nurse I couldn't move it without extreme pain. She told me to suck it up, picked up my arm, and dropped it on the machine. I could feel the bone completely separate. FML

Today, I berated my five-year-old nephew for peeing on the floor. His mom bitched me out for expecting "a little boy to have perfect aim." That's funny, it looked pretty good when he dropped his pants, looked me in the eyes, and started to piss on my rug. FML

#20675025
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43386) - you deserved it (2895)

On 05/20/2013 at 7:57am - kids - by AuntPeePee - United States

Today, my step-dad was talking about how he was raised in Las Vegas, telling stories about him and his buddies, until he stopped, looked right at my mom and said, "Find her, feed her, f*ck her, forget her. But I never forgot your mom, that's how I stole her from your dad." FML

#20687932
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45936) - you deserved it (2813)

On 05/26/2013 at 7:20pm - intimacy - by MsAnonymous17 (woman) - United States

Today, my sister and I were having a slumber party in my room since my parents left on a trip. They left my grandparents here to watch us. It was past bed time and we started hearing some strange noises through my floor. We thought it was the radio. Turns out my grandma is a screamer. FML

Today, my co-workers figured out that I was in high school when my husband was in kindergarten. They won't stop calling me a "cougar". FML

#20718644
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28082) - you deserved it (43352)

On 06/10/2013 at 11:19pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was stuck in my apartment complex's elevator. I was shouting out for help when a voice came screaming, "This is the fire department." I was relieved until he said, "Just kidding." FML

#20681121
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43355) - you deserved it (2773)

On 05/23/2013 at 1:11am - misc - by Mylifesucks - United States (Kentucky)



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  • "If drawing stuff is the food of love, then get a better pencil." That's not a real expression, I just made it up because I needed a good opening line. It's not even that good of an opening line, but…

Thursday 10 April 2014

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