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Today, I decided to give my boyfriend a surprise striptease. After I turned around, I heard him murmur "Oh, wow." I turned back around, only to find him watching a gif of a cat falling into snow in slow motion. FML

by Dezzy / 11/03/2014 at 2:06pm / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy

Today, my teacher "busted" me for writing down answers on my arm for a test. The so called "answers" was just a duck my little nephew had drawn on my hand the night before. She's actually trying to get me suspended over it. FML

by really / 11/13/2014 at 1:17pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, my supervisor was watching a video of his son. I heard a voice in the background and asked if it was Elmo. It was his wife. FML

by bookworm / 11/19/2014 at 3:56pm / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, I was yelled at in public for staring at a guy in a wheelchair. I was staring 'cause he was so good looking. FML

by anonymous / 12/23/2014 at 6:28am / Austria (Wien) / Miscellaneous

Today, my 97-pound pitbull wagged and chased his tail while I was being mugged. FML

by ZAnon / 02/06/2015 at 2:06am / United States (Texas) / Animals

Today, I started lactating. That would be fine if I had a kid. Or was pregnant. Or wasn't 16. FML

by NotDying / 04/08/2015 at 8:26am / United States (California) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my boyfriend murmured his sister's name during sex. Before you say he was thinking of someone else with the same name, I've only ever met one person in our town called Nohemi. FML

by Anonymous / 06/21/2015 at 12:38am / United States (Arkansas) / Intimacy

Today, the guy I've had a crush on for a while called me and asked me over. I took a cab to his place and when I got there he was dressed in leather and wore a mask... It took me a 20 dollar cab fare to realize my crush is a freak. FML

by Allenburg / 01/17/2009 at 8:38pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, a girl invited me over to her dorm room at 3 AM. For some reason, I thought it would be a good idea to respond to e-mails just before. She said she was tired and then went to bed. I'm a F*ing idiot. FML

by Princeton / 01/22/2009 at 3:34pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love

Today, I was at a club with a friend. A cute guy kept smiling and looking over at me. He left his seat and went to the bar and brought back two drinks. He waved me over and then said, "Can you tell your hot friend that I bought her a drink?" FML

by KL / 06/05/2009 at 3:46pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Intimacy

Today, I logged onto facebook to realize that my boyfriend is now listed as single. News to me. FML

by klv8 / 02/07/2009 at 6:04pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love

Today, I skipped class to take the girl I like to the airport, and after giving her a goodbye hug I kissed her on the cheek. She laughed and said "Maybe we should discuss some boundaries when I get back." FML

by strikeout / 09/03/2009 at 10:47pm / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, while I was making love to my wife, she looks up and says, "I'll paint the ceiling white." FML

by JD / 10/08/2009 at 1:41am / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy