Choose the period

Choose a category

Agreed
Commented
Favorited

Today, a cute girl was telling me about her weird fetishes. I jokingly said, "Remind me never to have sex with you". She replied, "Don't worry, I have standards". FML

by Anonymous / 02/10/2015 at 9:51am / United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire) / Love

Today, my 97-pound pitbull wagged and chased his tail while I was being mugged. FML

by ZAnon / 02/06/2015 at 2:06am / United States (Texas) / Animals

Today, I started lactating. That would be fine if I had a kid. Or was pregnant. Or wasn't 16. FML

by NotDying / 04/08/2015 at 8:26am / United States (California) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my boyfriend murmured his sister's name during sex. Before you say he was thinking of someone else with the same name, I've only ever met one person in our town called Nohemi. FML

by Anonymous / 06/21/2015 at 12:38am / United States (Arkansas) / Intimacy

Today, the guy I've had a crush on for a while called me and asked me over. I took a cab to his place and when I got there he was dressed in leather and wore a mask... It took me a 20 dollar cab fare to realize my crush is a freak. FML

by Allenburg / 01/17/2009 at 8:38pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, a girl invited me over to her dorm room at 3 AM. For some reason, I thought it would be a good idea to respond to e-mails just before. She said she was tired and then went to bed. I'm a F*ing idiot. FML

by Princeton / 01/22/2009 at 3:34pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love

Today, I made a joke about having a wedding to my mom and she told me not to joke about something that will probably never happen. FML

by NoWedding / 02/10/2009 at 5:30pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I logged onto facebook to realize that my boyfriend is now listed as single. News to me. FML

by klv8 / 02/07/2009 at 6:04pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love

Today, I skipped class to take the girl I like to the airport, and after giving her a goodbye hug I kissed her on the cheek. She laughed and said "Maybe we should discuss some boundaries when I get back." FML

by strikeout / 09/03/2009 at 10:47pm / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, while I was making love to my wife, she looks up and says, "I'll paint the ceiling white." FML

by JD / 10/08/2009 at 1:41am / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. By making out with her new boyfriend in front of me. FML

by whysheheartless / 11/03/2009 at 2:24am / United States (Oregon) / Love

Today, I finally got the courage to go on a first date with this guy I had a crush on for months. It was such a big deal for me cause it was my first date ever. The first thing he says when we met was "I have to take a dump." I sat by myself for 10 minutes. FML

by dumper / 11/05/2009 at 1:41am / United States / Love

Today, I got excited when my phone vibrated cause I thought someone actually wanted to talk to me. When I grabbed my phone I realized my mind played a trick on me and I only thought it vibrated. I'm so lonely I subconsciously trick myself into thinking I have friends. FML

by someone72 / 03/22/2010 at 7:20pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous