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Today, my neighbor called the police for the seventh time because he's convinced I'm a vampire. He's also gotten in the habit of leaving garlic cloves in my yard. My parents come next week. FML

#21095586
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37157) - you deserved it (2848)

On 03/24/2014 at 9:52pm - misc - by Vampprobs - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was taking the biggest shit of my life. When I worked the thing out, it hit the water with such force that I got a toilet water enema from the backwash. I was so freaked out that I screamed and fell off the seat, prompting my husband to rush in to see what was wrong. FML

#21111156
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35634) - you deserved it (8372)

On 04/12/2014 at 2:07pm - misc - by traumatized (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I found a wasp in my kitchen, so I opened the back door and left the room for 10 minutes in the hope that it would fly away. Upon returning, I found that there were now three wasps, a vicious cat and a very panicked pigeon crashing around the room. FML

#21197738
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40128) - you deserved it (16713)

On 07/03/2014 at 8:27pm - animals - by Snow-White (man) - United Kingdom (Cheshire)

Today, my fiancé said "Rachel" instead of my name when asked to repeat, "I take thee, Emily, to be my lawfully wedded wife." I was shocked, so he explained while laughing that he doesn't even know a Rachel. He ruined our wedding for a Friends quote. FML

Today, I found out that if you wake your 7-year old sister up by plugging her nose, you'll wake up the next morning, taped down and unable to move as she pours ice water on you. FML

#21230047
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24482) - you deserved it (51329)

On 08/05/2014 at 12:51pm - kids - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my mom just handed me a book called "100 Ways To Motivate Yourself." FML

#1823
25 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13109) - you deserved it (4974)

On 01/20/2009 at 3:27am - misc - by JackAttack - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I fell flat on my ass while running for the subway. Made it on only to find out that it was standing by for ten minutes. I then got to ride all the way to work with a train full of people who watched me fall. FML

#3586
15 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16289) - you deserved it (2776)

On 01/30/2009 at 6:30am - work - by Weter - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I phoned up my bank's customer service department. I waited eleven minutes on hold with the lovely music, and when a woman finally picked up, I ran out of phone credit. FML

#582
20 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19300) - you deserved it (2350)

On 12/24/2008 at 12:56am - money - by Colin - Sent from mobile version

Today, I went to a very nice reception at a hotel. I glanced inside the ballroom and saw that no one else was in there and, not wanting to be the first one there, I walked past and into the stairway. Turns out, I had walked into the emergency exit stairs and had to set off the alarm to get out. FML

#830447
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10496) - you deserved it (44481)

On 04/06/2009 at 2:16am - misc - by rmo1776 (man) - United States (Missouri)

Today, I was going shopping with a friend. I got up to get off the train and landed on my ass. Not only had I walked into the metal bar, I'd broken my $800 glasses, and the train doors had closed, with my friend on the other side of the doors. FML

#5444000
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27062) - you deserved it (9694)

On 09/24/2009 at 6:06am - misc - by b. - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I took my boyfriend out to meet my coworkers for the first time. I really wanted to impress them, and get them to think how cool we are to hang out with, since I am new to LA. Instead, my boyfriend threw up in my boss' sink. FML

#5570126
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26729) - you deserved it (4235)

On 09/30/2009 at 6:35pm - work - by never_ending_hangover (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I realized that when the pest control man said that we may see a few more bugs in the next few days, what he meant was "your kitchen will be covered in them." It's the day before Thanksgiving and I have several people invited over for the Holiday. FML

#6441818
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24801) - you deserved it (2403)

On 11/25/2009 at 3:24am - misc - by buggedout (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I got an alarm installed in my car, and was having problems with it not going off when the car was hit. To demonstrate this to the installers, I bumped my car with my hip, which left a dent, and set the alarm off. FML

#6440907
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7410) - you deserved it (23631)

On 11/24/2009 at 11:08pm - misc - by md - Canada (Ontario)



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  • So, have you ordered it? Have you got it? No? Yes? Do you have any idea of what I'm talking about? OK, for the normal people, I'm talking about the new iPhone 6. Apparently, it came out today. I'm not…

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