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Today, I got nominated to sit in a chair in the middle of the gym during a high school rally while the entire school got to throw paper balls at me. FML

by reallyhighschool / 12/03/2013 at 11:34am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I asked my sister what she thought of my boyfriend. She said, "He's nice. Deserves better than you, really." FML

by Anonymous / 02/02/2014 at 1:39pm / Canada (Alberta) / Love

Today, after nearly a month, I found out my wife isn't pregnant after all. She was just screwing around to win a bet with her friends on how long it'd take me to figure out the truth. FML

by Anonymous / 03/04/2014 at 4:06pm / Norway (Akershus) / Love

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend. I was sad, but the only thing my mom could say was, "You should have waited until I got him to mow the lawn." FML

by Anonymous / 03/11/2014 at 9:04am / Israel / Love

Today, after having asked me out on Monday, the guy I like angrily cancelled our date because I "hadn't bothered" even talking to him for "several days". One day. You didn't hear from me on Monday. It's now Tuesday. That's one day, dick. FML

by fartbucket51995129565 / 06/10/2014 at 2:29pm / United States (New York) / Love

Today, our dishwasher door broke. My mom made me sit there for an hour straight, holding the door shut so it would work. FML

Today, I got drunk, broke up with my girlfriend, and sent my grandma nude pics, thinking she was my girlfriend. Well, ex-girlfriend. FML

by Kev / 08/20/2014 at 1:53pm / United States (New Jersey) / Love

Today, I overheard my brother telling his friend that having sex with a girl who's on the pill gives the guy female hormones and "turns you into like, half-chick, half-dude." He was serious. How am I related to this moron? FML

by Anonymous / 10/03/2014 at 4:43pm / United States (Arizona) / Kids

Today, I started my job selling perfume in a department store. I decided to be creative and sprayed a little perfume towards the first person who walked by. She had an allergic reaction, and an ambulance had to be called. FML

by Anonymous / 10/19/2014 at 10:24am / Canada (Nova Scotia) / Work

Today, I decided to give my boyfriend a surprise striptease. After I turned around, I heard him murmur "Oh, wow." I turned back around, only to find him watching a gif of a cat falling into snow in slow motion. FML

by Dezzy / 11/03/2014 at 2:06pm / United States (Missouri) / Intimacy

Today, my teacher "busted" me for writing down answers on my arm for a test. The so called "answers" was just a duck my little nephew had drawn on my hand the night before. She's actually trying to get me suspended over it. FML

by really / 11/13/2014 at 1:17pm / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, my supervisor was watching a video of his son. I heard a voice in the background and asked if it was Elmo. It was his wife. FML

by bookworm / 11/19/2014 at 3:56pm / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, a cute girl was telling me about her weird fetishes. I jokingly said, "Remind me never to have sex with you". She replied, "Don't worry, I have standards". FML

by Anonymous / 02/10/2015 at 9:51am / United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire) / Love