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Today, after years of insomnia and going to doctors to help get a regular sleeping pattern, I finally fell asleep without the help of medication, only to dream about being chased by an angry seal and singing to Rihanna with a horse. This is probably why I don't sleep. FML

#21049132
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41051) - you deserved it (3808)

On 02/03/2014 at 8:29am - health - by Sleepless (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my brother and I took our cars to get oil changes. While we were there, a guy asked if we were dating. When we told him we were siblings, he responded with, "So?" FML

Today, I threw an eraser at my brother to get his attention because he couldn't hear me over his music. Being in a bad mood, he thought I was trying to aggravate his bad mood and responded by throwing a small desk cactus back. FML

#21071018
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36654) - you deserved it (13003)

On 02/25/2014 at 4:31am - misc - by ThatGuyWithFMLs (man) - Japan (Osaka)

Today, a tiny worm was wriggling across the screen of my Mac laptop. I tried to wipe it away with my thumb, but it just kept crawling. Turns out the worm lives *inside* my screen, beneath the glass. FML

#21092367
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41434) - you deserved it (4195)

On 03/21/2014 at 1:14am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my neighbor called the police for the seventh time because he's convinced I'm a vampire. He's also gotten in the habit of leaving garlic cloves in my yard. My parents come next week. FML

#21095586
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37142) - you deserved it (2847)

On 03/24/2014 at 9:52pm - misc - by Vampprobs - United States (Michigan)

Today, my dad decided to shave his beard. I told him I wanted him to keep it, so he took the shavings, put them in a jar, and left it in my room. FML

#21093737
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34464) - you deserved it (11922)

On 03/22/2014 at 7:07pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I was taking the biggest shit of my life. When I worked the thing out, it hit the water with such force that I got a toilet water enema from the backwash. I was so freaked out that I screamed and fell off the seat, prompting my husband to rush in to see what was wrong. FML

#21111156
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35623) - you deserved it (8371)

On 04/12/2014 at 2:07pm - misc - by traumatized (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I met this overweight chick and ended up sleeping with her. We were doing it doggy style and it was great until she said, "Milk me like a cow." I can no longer drink milk without hearing that in my head. FML

#21132249
212 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49742) - you deserved it (18118)

On 05/06/2014 at 9:55am - intimacy - by chumman (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I found a wasp in my kitchen, so I opened the back door and left the room for 10 minutes in the hope that it would fly away. Upon returning, I found that there were now three wasps, a vicious cat and a very panicked pigeon crashing around the room. FML

#21197738
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40101) - you deserved it (16696)

On 07/03/2014 at 8:27pm - animals - by Snow-White (man) - United Kingdom (Cheshire)

Today, I found out that if you wake your 7-year old sister up by plugging her nose, you'll wake up the next morning, taped down and unable to move as she pours ice water on you. FML

#21230047
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24436) - you deserved it (51187)

On 08/05/2014 at 12:51pm - kids - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my mom just handed me a book called "100 Ways To Motivate Yourself." FML

#1823
25 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13090) - you deserved it (4972)

On 01/20/2009 at 3:27am - misc - by JackAttack - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I fell flat on my ass while running for the subway. Made it on only to find out that it was standing by for ten minutes. I then got to ride all the way to work with a train full of people who watched me fall. FML

#3586
15 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16273) - you deserved it (2774)

On 01/30/2009 at 6:30am - work - by Weter - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I phoned up my bank's customer service department. I waited eleven minutes on hold with the lovely music, and when a woman finally picked up, I ran out of phone credit. FML

#582
20 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19276) - you deserved it (2351)

On 12/24/2008 at 12:56am - money - by Colin - Sent from mobile version



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