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Today, during an hour-long drive, my sister told me she's lost her "faith in humanity", because one of her friends bought his 8-year-old son an iPad. She uses this stupid expression all the time, and I got so pissed off that I forgot to brake at a red light, rear-ending the car in front of us. FML

by lostmyfaithinblowjobs / 01/11/2013 at 9:16pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Transportation

Today, while at a concert, I stepped into a restroom to use my nasal spray since my allergies were acting up. Apparently, someone thought that I had been snorting coke in the stall. I was escorted outside and had to wait for the cops until I could explain everything. I missed the headliner. FML

by Anonymous / 05/21/2013 at 7:42am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, someone came into the store I work at, laughed at my name on my name-tag, and left without even buying anything. FML

by Anonymous / 06/26/2013 at 5:07am / United States / Work

Today, I was at a music festival, and my mum had told me not to to drink. Someone threw a cup of beer at me, and I was worried about smelling of alcohol. It's okay though, because a second cup of urine took the alcohol smell right away. FML

by Festivaler / 07/13/2013 at 3:14am / United Kingdom (Edinburgh, City of) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got nominated to sit in a chair in the middle of the gym during a high school rally while the entire school got to throw paper balls at me. FML

by reallyhighschool / 12/03/2013 at 11:34am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend informed me that our relationship is an open one. This was only after I was told that when she was "stuck in traffic" two days ago, she was actually playing the triple-X version of Twister in my "best friend's" bed. FML

by Anonymous / 12/28/2013 at 3:07pm / France (Rhone-Alpes) / Love

Today, I asked my sister what she thought of my boyfriend. She said, "He's nice. Deserves better than you, really." FML

by Anonymous / 02/02/2014 at 1:39pm / Canada (Alberta) / Love

Today, after nearly a month, I found out my wife isn't pregnant after all. She was just screwing around to win a bet with her friends on how long it'd take me to figure out the truth. FML

by Anonymous / 03/04/2014 at 4:06pm / Norway (Akershus) / Love

Today, I had to tell my daughter that just because markers say "washable", it doesn't mean that you can draw all over our newly-painted walls. She's 15. FML

by IcyWinter / 04/02/2014 at 4:16am / Canada (Manitoba) / Kids

Today, a customer threatened to smash my face in because I wouldn't give him a veteran's discount on a donut. He looked like he'd eaten his way out of fat camp, and it seemed the only action he'd seen was fighting his way into a lard factory. Still, he swung fast, and I now have a black eye. FML

by Anonymous / 07/24/2014 at 5:23pm / United States (Virginia) / Work

Today, while reading 1984 on the train, a cute guy around my age and I got into a great a discussion about the book. Just when I thought he might ask for my number, he got up, patted me on the head and said it's so nice that kids my age still took interest in real literature. I'm 25. FML

by anonymous / 10/24/2014 at 9:47am / Austria (Wien) / Transportation

Today, I dropped my trash into what I thought was a garbage can. My co-workers stared at me like I had just pissed myself. It was a toy collection box for children in foster care. FML

by Anonymous / 11/20/2014 at 7:43pm / United States / Work

Today, I was yelled at in public for staring at a guy in a wheelchair. I was staring 'cause he was so good looking. FML

by anonymous / 12/23/2014 at 6:28am / Austria (Wien) / Miscellaneous