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Today, while discussing career prospects with my mom, she suggested that I become a penis puppeteer, because "Let's face it, you play with it 24/7. Why not make a career out of it?" Yeah, thanks. FML

#20838688
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35561) - you deserved it (11837)

On 08/15/2013 at 12:49pm - work - by kaynotentirelywrong (man) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I taught my kid how to mow the lawn. It's a self-propelling mower so it's easy to handle. My kid thought it would be smart to tie the handle down so that he wouldn't have to push it at all. This resulted in the lawn mower blasting through our fence and sinking into my neighbor's pool. FML

#20877954
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40629) - you deserved it (6377)

On 09/12/2013 at 1:18am - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I discovered my 10 month old is terrified of my laugh. Every time I start to laugh, she screams in terror. It's getting depressing. FML

#20917208
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44534) - you deserved it (3947)

On 10/12/2013 at 1:40am - kids - by easily amused (woman) - United States

Today, I was leaving the grocery store when an old woman started yelling at me for not holding the door open for her. She accused me of being "everything wrong with the younger generation". It was an automatic door. FML

#20937007
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43945) - you deserved it (2921)

On 10/28/2013 at 5:53pm - misc - by Greg (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I was maced. Not by a person, but rather by one of those automatic air fresheners in the bathroom. It was conveniently placed at eye level, you know, for freshness. FML

#20921961
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39151) - you deserved it (2813)

On 10/15/2013 at 8:38pm - health - by erockinthesuburb (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I got a call from my daughter’s school today. She had been telling the teacher, "I have a huge boner." Apparently, some of the kids at school told her it meant 'headache' and she's been saying it all day. FML

#20928358
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41181) - you deserved it (3152)

On 10/20/2013 at 11:51pm - kids - by momaaa1342 - United States (Illinois)

Today, I failed hard at a color test. I thought it was a joke because most of the colors looked the same to me. Now I know why people laugh at my clothes color choices. FML

#20936339
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45026) - you deserved it (3126)

On 10/28/2013 at 12:51am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my ex boyfriend got into a physical fight with the guy I've been casually seeing for 9 months. Afterwards, they had a beer, a long chat, and decided this was my fault and I wasn't worth the drama. FML

#20933266
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42797) - you deserved it (19258)

On 10/25/2013 at 7:54am - love - by what did I do? - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, my 8-year-old came home from school crying. Apparently her teacher told the whole class to write about how they felt when they learned that Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy weren't real. FML

#20942077
277 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52723) - you deserved it (5226)

On 11/02/2013 at 12:19am - kids - by SantaClaus - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend left me for another girl. My dad's reaction to the news and my tears was to say, "Aww. Gonna write a song about it, Taylor Swift?" FML

#20942725
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52414) - you deserved it (7648)

On 11/02/2013 at 4:23pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Ireland

Today, after getting a root canal, I told my mother how boring it was just sitting there with my mouth open for ages while the dentist did his work. She then told me how she had to do the same kind of thing on her anniversary night with my father. FML

#20968136
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43448) - you deserved it (4362)

On 11/23/2013 at 4:57pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Argentina

Today, my mom bitched me out for still being single at age 19, and still not having started a family. She considers this "immoral," yet showed nothing but praise for my sister, who's pregnant at 15 and doesn't know which of three guys is the father. FML

#20960837
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57776) - you deserved it (2684)

On 11/17/2013 at 12:46pm - misc - by failed brood mare (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my girlfriend wants to make a video of us having sex for us to watch later and figure out how to improve our skills in bed. The problem is her choice of cameraman: her uncle. FML

#20978171
202 comments


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