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Today, my kids told me that for the FIRST time, my cooking was delicious. I made Kraft dinner that night. FML

by Anonymous / 04/28/2009 at 4:47pm / Canada (Ontario) / Kids

Today, I met this really nice guy at the mall and he gave me his number. Later that night, I texted him. We got on the subject of food, and I started talking about how much I love veal. He responded with saying I was supporting animal murder, that I should go to hell and lose his number. FML

by Anonymous / 05/30/2009 at 11:34pm / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I was walking through town when I saw a plastic bag on the ground. Trying to be a good citizen, I picked it up, intending on throwing it in the trash. When I looked up, there wasn't a trash can for another hundred feet. So I put it back down. Now I've got a $200 fine to pay for littering. FML

by fml / 04/24/2009 at 9:55pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, I saw a cute girl at a night club. When I approached her and introduced myself, she said "Don't you remember me? We danced here last weekend... but you were smashed that night". I cheekily replied "Oh really? That's hot, what happened next?" She said "You were hitting on me. So, I left." FML

by 0ptimu5 / 09/11/2009 at 12:39am / Australia (Australian Capital Territory) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was offered to attend a Buddhist ceremony by one of my regular customers. Not wanting to offend the couple, I made an excuse about have a project for oceanography. Surprise, the husband is an oceanographer and wants to help me with my imaginary project. Karma much? FML

by whatproject / 09/24/2009 at 5:50am / United States (Hawaii) / Work

Today, the Fire Department found my car overturned in a ditch and on fire. It was two miles away from where I parked it about three hours ago. FML

by ThatTrafficCone / 10/04/2009 at 1:48am / United States (Oregon) / Transportation

Today, I saw photos of my boyfriend at his 25th birthday party. The one he told me was cancelled. FML

by Konstantine / 10/05/2009 at 9:55am / New Zealand (Auckland) / Love

Today, I started the day at my local Starbucks. I was greeted with smiles from everyone I made eye contact with and left the store feeling really good about myself. I got home and checked myself out in the mirror, only to realize I had cut myself shaving and my neck was covered in dried blood. FML

Today, as a customer was trying on some outfits, I looked over at her husband for his opinion. The response I got? Him licking his lips. Just then his wife looked up to see me gawking at him in shock. She yelled at me to close my legs and stop checking out her man. FML

by Yapanesedidwhat / 11/16/2009 at 2:00am / Canada (British Columbia) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my friends and I were shopping for dresses. I asked the lady at the counter for a size 4, she looked at me and mumbled "Yeah right." in front of everyone. FML

by hahasuckit / 12/25/2009 at 1:30am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend told me he hasn't showered since our first date. We've been dating for three weeks. FML

by unknown / 01/24/2010 at 10:27am / Miscellaneous

Today, I learned the hard way why they say "four on the floor" at school. I leaned too far back while rocking in the chair and fell off. I grabbed the desk to save myself and it came down too. FML

by jalapeno_popper / 01/21/2010 at 3:16pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I did a 'dine and dash' and left my phone in the restaurant. The owner answered my phone call. FML

by Anonymous / 01/13/2010 at 4:41pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous