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Today, I awoke to the sound of a gunshot, followed by children screaming. I leapt out of bed and ran to my balcony, only to see people casually milling around the elementary school parking lot under a "Science Fair" banner. A kid's science experiment scared me shitless. FML

Today, my girlfriend texted me, telling me to come home quickly, because she had a "surprise" waiting for me. I convinced my boss to let me go home, and rushed out. Turns out the "surprise" was just that she'd bought herself a pet bunny. FML

#21099355
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40827) - you deserved it (6981)

On 03/29/2014 at 1:03pm - animals - by Galaxy (man) - Belgium (Limburg)

Today, I spent six hours at the ER. Why? My husband dared our seventeen-year-old son to recreate a 'Jackass' trolley-hedge diving stunt at the local supermarket. What wasn't on my groceries list was a broken arm, fractured wrist, whiplash and cuts and bruises. FML

#21224521
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43857) - you deserved it (4959)

On 07/30/2014 at 4:21am - kids - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Bristol, City of)

Today, I was skating in the city when I slipped and fractured my arm. As I was lying in pain, a guy walked up to me, frisked my pocket and took my wallet. He then said: "It's nothing personal." FML

#21281599
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39566) - you deserved it (3311)

On 10/20/2014 at 4:50am - misc - by ColdStones (man) - Norway (Hordaland)

Today, I was diagnosed with gonorrhea. My dad's reaction was to slowly clap at the news then giggle at his own joke. FML

#21342311
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28948) - you deserved it (9737)

On 01/22/2015 at 3:23pm - health - by annoyed (man) - United States (California)

Today, I refused to serve a woman alcohol, as she looked underage. She complained to my manager about "age racism". FML

#21335591
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34044) - you deserved it (2593)

On 01/12/2015 at 3:23am - work - by nick (man) - United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire)

Today, my entire junior class took the ACT. On the last test, a classmate's phone went off, automatically invalidating the whole test. We all have to retake it. FML

Today, while mowing my backyard, I messily discovered that a family of rabbits has been living out there in the tall grass. FML

#21410882
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34218) - you deserved it (5440)

On 05/16/2015 at 7:47am - animals - by yif2 (woman) - United States

Today, my mom found my weed stash and went berserk, grounding me and saying she's going to have my bedroom door removed. Less than an hour later, I found her laughing and smoking the same stash with my dad in the backyard. FML

#21421662
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28891) - you deserved it (9233)

On 06/06/2015 at 5:11am - misc - by lehonX9 (man) - Germany (Niedersachsen)

Today, at the supermarket, a woman came up to me and said I looked just like her son, who was killed in Afghanistan. She tearfully asked if she could hug me "one last time". It was a little weird, but I let her. 10 minutes later, at the checkout, I realized she'd pickpocketed my wallet. FML

#21425871
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33881) - you deserved it (5006)

On 06/14/2015 at 9:41am - money - by Justin 'Cuntface' Bieber III (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, my mom needed coffee so I drove to Starbucks to get her some. She let me drive the Porsche, which has never happened. Upon coming home I picked the coffee up out of the cupholder so it wouldnt spill. My phone vibrated in my pocket, I spilled the coffee and crashed the car into the garage. FML

#218369
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21426) - you deserved it (63257)

On 03/05/2009 at 4:44pm - misc - by cane - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I overheard a conversation two of my friends were having about Homer, so I interjected with a quip about a Simpson's episode I had seen before. They were talking about the poet. I'm an AP literature student. FML

#718521
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14377) - you deserved it (69070)

On 03/31/2009 at 1:12am - misc - by apenglishstudent (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I took my dog for a walk. It became friendly with another dog, and I reached down to pet them both. Suddenly, an old woman runs up to me and whacks me with her cane repeatedly. Apparently, her previous dog had been kidnapped by a woman who looked a lot like me. FML

#3029108
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45333) - you deserved it (2669)

On 06/19/2009 at 12:53pm - animals - by anon - United States (Washington)



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