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Today, during an important exam, I had a huge panic attack and had to run out of the exam hall. Everyone saw me, and now everywhere I go, people keep pretending to have a panic attack and run away from me. I have to spend two more years with these assholes. FML

by mrosewrosem / 02/13/2014 at 6:54am / United Kingdom (Hampshire) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I saw a photo on my mother-in-law's Facebook, proudly showing off the horrible job she'd done of painting her car. I sarcastically commented that I wouldn't inflict that on my worst enemy's ride. An hour later, she came by and emptied a bucket of paint over my windshield. FML

by time to lawyer up / 02/20/2014 at 4:20pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I awoke to the sound of a gunshot, followed by children screaming. I leapt out of bed and ran to my balcony, only to see people casually milling around the elementary school parking lot under a "Science Fair" banner. A kid's science experiment scared me shitless. FML

by gracehi / 03/07/2014 at 3:29pm / United States (Florida) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, our dishwasher door broke. My mom made me sit there for an hour straight, holding the door shut so it would work. FML

by NehNehPwn / 06/24/2014 at 11:09am / Canada (Ontario) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I spent six hours at the ER. Why? My husband dared our seventeen-year-old son to recreate a 'Jackass' trolley-hedge diving stunt at the local supermarket. What wasn't on my groceries list was a broken arm, fractured wrist, whiplash and cuts and bruises. FML

by Anonymous / 07/30/2014 at 4:21am / United Kingdom (Bristol, City of) / Kids

Today, I was skating in the city when I slipped and fractured my arm. As I was lying in pain, a guy walked up to me, frisked my pocket and took my wallet. He then said: "It's nothing personal." FML

by ColdStones / 10/20/2014 at 4:50am / Norway (Hordaland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was singing in my dorm. When I left a little later, a cute guy came up to me and asked if I was the girl who'd been singing. I proudly said yes. He replied, "Good thing you finally shut the fuck up!" and walked away. FML

by Anonymous / 11/02/2014 at 11:44am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I refused to serve a woman alcohol, as she looked underage. She complained to my manager about "age racism". FML

by nick / 01/12/2015 at 3:23am / United Kingdom (Cambridgeshire) / Work

Today, I was diagnosed with gonorrhea. My dad's reaction was to slowly clap at the news then giggle at his own joke. FML

by annoyed / 01/22/2015 at 3:23pm / United States (California) / Health

Today, my entire junior class took the ACT. On the last test, a classmate's phone went off, automatically invalidating the whole test. We all have to retake it. FML

by xXEmmaLieXx / 03/03/2015 at 12:37pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my husband and I caught our 12-year-old son "experimenting" with a 5-foot tall stuffed Mickey Mouse. He even made sure to rip Mickey's pants off. FML

by bigmouthedmommy / 04/13/2015 at 1:35am / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, my mom needed coffee so I drove to Starbucks to get her some. She let me drive the Porsche, which has never happened. Upon coming home I picked the coffee up out of the cupholder so it wouldnt spill. My phone vibrated in my pocket, I spilled the coffee and crashed the car into the garage. FML

by cane / 03/05/2009 at 4:44pm / United States (North Carolina) / Transportation

Today, I overheard a conversation two of my friends were having about Homer, so I interjected with a quip about a Simpson's episode I had seen before. They were talking about the poet. I'm an AP literature student. FML

by apenglishstudent / 03/31/2009 at 1:12am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous