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Today, I was taking the biggest shit of my life. When I worked the thing out, it hit the water with such force that I got a toilet water enema from the backwash. I was so freaked out that I screamed and fell off the seat, prompting my husband to rush in to see what was wrong. FML

#21111156
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36107) - you deserved it (8469)

On 04/12/2014 at 2:07pm - misc - by traumatized (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I heard my son say, "I don't want any bacon with my eggs". Where did I go wrong? FML

#21187679
224 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52197) - you deserved it (16868)

On 06/25/2014 at 8:30am - kids - by failed dad (man) - Greece (Attiki)

Today, I got my wisdom teeth removed. All I can remember is crying to my mom because I thought spoons were taking over the world. FML

Today, I was sitting on a bench at the local park, eating a banana. A guy old enough to be my grandfather walked by, turned to look at me, then said "Young man, I wish I were that banana." He walked away, and I almost blacked out choking on it in shock. FML

#21265897
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35736) - you deserved it (3650)

On 09/26/2014 at 4:40pm - misc - by Operation Yewtree here I come (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, like every month, the beautician spent 10 minutes removing the hairs from my stomach. I'm a girl. FML

#887
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19130) - you deserved it (2157)

On 01/09/2009 at 12:18am - misc - by Noname - Sent from mobile version

Today, my mom just handed me a book called "100 Ways To Motivate Yourself." FML

#1823
26 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14020) - you deserved it (5157)

On 01/20/2009 at 3:27am - misc - by JackAttack - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I searched for free parking near my work for 30 minutes, trying to avoid paying $12 at a pay lot. I scored a spot, but 1 mile away from the office. I trekked through rain, cold, and got to work late. It was a long hard day, crawled back to my car, and had a $30 ticket on my windshield. FML

#5560693
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10120) - you deserved it (34983)

On 09/30/2009 at 1:34am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I noticed a prospective employer I had been networking with changed her last name on her e-mail signature. I wished the aquaintence congratulations on her new marriage. Her divorce was finalized this week. FML

#12057
18 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9961) - you deserved it (21658)

On 02/06/2009 at 5:40pm - misc - by unlucky (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I went to the store to buy some groceries. Several hours later I realize that I can't find my wallet. After looking all over my house and then the store parking lot, I had my credit cards cancelled. On the drive home, I feel something under me. It was my wallet. FML

#6629276
25 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7689) - you deserved it (29442)

On 12/06/2009 at 2:43am - money - by life_suxxx - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I invited my crush to come and spend thanksgiving dinner with me and my family, she agreed but asked me if she could bring her friend. Turns out her "friend" was actually her boyfriend and they drank all the expensive wine I bought. FML

#6485720
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27254) - you deserved it (7112)

On 11/27/2009 at 10:02pm - love - by lonelyguy (man) - Puerto Rico

Today, I was walking through the bar area of the restaurant I work at and fell on my ass. Customers complained to my manager that I shouldn't be drinking on the job. FML

#6688829
19 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23302) - you deserved it (2431)

On 12/10/2009 at 12:14am - love - by Melinda (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I emptied out a bottle of water onto my porch as I was going into my house. Only a couple of hours later, I decided to leave and slipped on what had turned into ice, bruised my tailbone and sprained my wrist. FML

#7097742
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7009) - you deserved it (31046)

On 01/02/2010 at 2:08am - health - by couturier - Sent from mobile version

Today, I checked my email after a week of no cell reception or internet while I was stuck at a family holiday cottage. There was an email offering me the RA job I've been trying to get for almost a year, telling me congratulations and to reply by Friday if I accepted. Last Friday. FML

#6960951
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26057) - you deserved it (3092)

On 12/26/2009 at 7:34pm - work - by Humbug (woman) - United States (Washington)



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