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Today, my parents scoured my browser history, certain that I have a hidden Facebook account that I'm using to get up to no good. Their reasoning was that there's no way my only friends are my relatives and that all I can post about is about the weather. FML

by Anonymous / 05/11/2013 at 1:15am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I started seeing a therapist for my depression. While I was looking through the magazines in the waiting room, I found an article accusing people who see therapists of being selfish and having no real problems. FML

by Selfish Whiner / 06/03/2013 at 7:56am / United Kingdom (North Lincolnshire) / Health

Today, I went to the mall with my girlfriend to buy some new clothes, and I turned around to give her a quick kiss. My lips were half-way to "her" face when I saw instead the face of another lady. She slapped me. My girlfriend was standing next to me, very pissed off. FML

by Tyler / 08/25/2013 at 12:30am / United States / Love

Today, I showed up at my brother's house for a visit. Little did I know, there was a family gathering. My bestfriend was invited and I wasn't. She's "more fun and less awkward" than I am. FML

by Anonymous / 09/02/2013 at 5:23pm / United States (Louisiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, my grandparents came over for a family dinner. I'm somewhat overweight, and my grandma kept making sound effects in time with me doing pretty much anything. When I complained to my dad after she made a long farting sound as I sat down, he told me to suck it up. FML

by Anonymous / 09/13/2013 at 1:06pm / Ireland (Donegal) / Kids

Today, my brother sent me an image by Skype, saying I really had to see it. I figured it was some kind of stupid joke, but I tried to look anyway. It wouldn't open. Turns out he thought he could just rename the ".exe" on a virus to ".jpg" and it would still run. My brother's a cretin. FML

by Anonymous / 10/19/2013 at 4:55pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was painting cabinets for the children's area in my church. While painting, I dropped my brush and got black paint on a white part. I tried to wipe it off. Now there's a very visible smudge that looks like a penis. FML

by peepeepainter / 01/06/2014 at 9:25pm / United States (Georgia) / Kids

Today, I saw a photo on my mother-in-law's Facebook, proudly showing off the horrible job she'd done of painting her car. I sarcastically commented that I wouldn't inflict that on my worst enemy's ride. An hour later, she came by and emptied a bucket of paint over my windshield. FML

by time to lawyer up / 02/20/2014 at 4:20pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend texted me, telling me to come home quickly, because she had a "surprise" waiting for me. I convinced my boss to let me go home, and rushed out. Turns out the "surprise" was just that she'd bought herself a pet bunny. FML

by Galaxy / 03/29/2014 at 1:03pm / Belgium (Limburg) / Animals

Today, I learned that even though a woman has a baby carriage and seems friendly, she won't be afraid to mug you in front of her kid. FML

by deathstar3548 / 09/22/2014 at 6:58am / United States (Florida) / Health

Today, my mother locked me out of the house. Why? The dog and her needed some time to talk. FML

by Anonymous / 10/25/2014 at 8:51pm / United States (Indiana) / Animals

Today, I received a phone call from the counselor at my son's preschool, requesting that I come pick him up. He was barking incessantly at his classmates. And when they asked him to stop, he growled. FML

by misfitunfit / 03/12/2015 at 4:50pm / United States (California) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my entire junior class took the ACT. On the last test, a classmate's phone went off, automatically invalidating the whole test. We all have to retake it. FML

by xXEmmaLieXx / 03/03/2015 at 12:37pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.