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Today, I was painting cabinets for the children's area in my church. While painting, I dropped my brush and got black paint on a white part. I tried to wipe it off. Now there's a very visible smudge that looks like a penis. FML

#21019530
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41845) - you deserved it (7865)

On 01/06/2014 at 9:25pm - kids - by peepeepainter - United States (Georgia)

Today, I took my girlfriend to meet my parents. My dad thought it'd be hilarious to act surprised and ask me if I'd already dumped the girlfriend I introduced him to yesterday. She slapped me and stormed out of the house before my dad could tell her it was a joke. FML

#21378402
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34648) - you deserved it (2477)

On 03/20/2015 at 1:50pm - love - by not picking up (man) - Slovenia (Skofljica)

Today, I learned that even though a woman has a baby carriage and seems friendly, she won't be afraid to mug you in front of her kid. FML

#21262985
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38018) - you deserved it (3281)

On 09/22/2014 at 6:58am - health - by deathstar3548 (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my mother locked me out of the house. Why? The dog and her needed some time to talk. FML

#21285216
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34543) - you deserved it (2797)

On 10/25/2014 at 8:51pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Indiana)

Today, I received a phone call from the counselor at my son's preschool, requesting that I come pick him up. He was barking incessantly at his classmates. And when they asked him to stop, he growled. FML

Today, I went to a "party" with the boy whom I am interested in. It was the first time I met his friends. Turns out he and all his friends are hardcore Christians who don't drink and are celibate. FML

#2383
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24360) - you deserved it (11058)

On 01/23/2009 at 8:03pm - love - by Durrrrrr - Canada (Ontario)

Today, after dieting and working out for almost 3 months, I sit down on my chair to finish off some work. It broke. FML

#3050286
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41933) - you deserved it (4577)

On 06/20/2009 at 1:17am - misc - by babasheep - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I went into work to change a shift I was unable to work. I phone the first person on the employee sheet and they promptly answer by saying "You still work here? I thought the manager fired you..." I was fired last week and have been showing up for shifts without anybody noticing. FML

#3572353
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45661) - you deserved it (5878)

On 07/08/2009 at 1:21am - work - by mannnnn (man) -

Today, I came home from working twelve hours straight. Feeling rather frisky, I attempted to seduce my wife upon arriving home. She said that sleep was better than sex and went directly to bed. It was only 6:30 PM. FML

#1838919
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62864) - you deserved it (6821)

On 05/11/2009 at 8:08am - intimacy - by BlueBallMcGee (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, it was my next-door neighbor's birthday. Over the past year, his pitbull has attacked my stepdad several times and put some stiches on me. Lucky for us, the dog was finally put down. For his birthday my neighbor got a new, bigger, pitbull. FML

#4739824
253 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35827) - you deserved it (5632)

On 08/22/2009 at 5:07pm - animals - by ShockBait (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I quit my job because my company wouldn't give me the raise I've been asking for for 2 years. I just saw the ad on Craigslist for my replacement position. The starting salary is above what I was asking for. FML

Today, I was baby sitting my little cousin when we decided to go outside and have a "treasure hunt" in the backyard. The first thing we found? The bones of her pet dog that had passed away four years ago. FML

#4252043
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40553) - you deserved it (5442)

On 08/03/2009 at 9:26am - animals - by Nikki (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I awoke in bed with my boyfriend and his dog. After some pushing and prodding, I thought my boyfriend was trying to move the dog out of the way to cuddle with me. It turns out, he was moving the dog closer to him. My boyfriend would rather spoon with his dog than me. FML

#5527691
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34967) - you deserved it (6348)

On 09/28/2009 at 2:25pm - love - by chachi (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)



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