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Today, after a heavy make-out session, my boyfriend and I discovered his lips bruise really easily. This wouldn't be a problem except he's been telling people I hit him. He thinks it's hilarious. FML

#21349595
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37950) - you deserved it (4574)

On 02/04/2015 at 10:16am - intimacy - by Grrrreat (man) - United Kingdom (Hertford)

Today, I woke up from a wet dream. My girlfriend quickly figured it out and bitched me out for having one when she was "right there" for me to ask for sex. Logic failure aside, the last time I flirted with her, she called me a sex-obsessed pig and didn't talk to me for three days. FML

#21315008
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37705) - you deserved it (4033)

On 12/10/2014 at 1:16pm - intimacy - by unlovedandunfucked (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I learned that even though a woman has a baby carriage and seems friendly, she won't be afraid to mug you in front of her kid. FML

#21262985
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37346) - you deserved it (3233)

On 09/22/2014 at 6:58am - health - by deathstar3548 (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my mother locked me out of the house. Why? The dog and her needed some time to talk. FML

#21285216
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33763) - you deserved it (2748)

On 10/25/2014 at 8:51pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Indiana)

Today, after waiting for years for my oldest daughter to grow out of Twilight, my younger daughter discovered it. FML

#21281374
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32361) - you deserved it (3043)

On 10/19/2014 at 10:20pm - kids - by team hit bella with a car (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my wife got a new best-friend. It's my ex-wife. FML

#21283962
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39919) - you deserved it (4164)

On 10/23/2014 at 7:30pm - love - by max - United States (Florida)

Today, I decided to teach my dog not to be scared of the vacuum cleaner. I grab the handle and get it close to her. She runs off and hides behind the couch and pisses everywhere. FML

#502
36 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7033) - you deserved it (35824)

On 12/12/2008 at 7:08am - animals - by Slaanesh - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was feeling sick, so I called my boyfriend who lives down the street to come and keep me company. He replied with, "no, I can't come over, I'm busy, I'm playing xbox." FML

#3102
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23898) - you deserved it (4857)

On 01/28/2009 at 2:51pm - love - by vidzgrl - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my anatomy teacher was putting together a skeleton model for class. He had misplaced the leg bone, so I thoughtfully asked, "What's the matter, lose a leg?" Unfortunately, there's nothing thoughtful about asking that question to a guy with an amputated leg. FML

#10699
23 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8088) - you deserved it (33734)

On 02/05/2009 at 5:56pm - misc - by Foot In Mouth (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my girlfriend was packing for her study abroad program. Jokingly, I got her a pack of condoms. She laughed, saying "Oh yeah, I'll definitely need some of those." Later, I showed up to take her to the airport and saw her open suitcase in the kitchen, with the condoms on top. FML

#190354
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38561) - you deserved it (32019)

On 03/02/2009 at 10:21pm - love - by badtrip (man) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, after dieting and working out for almost 3 months, I sit down on my chair to finish off some work. It broke. FML

#3050286
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38865) - you deserved it (4308)

On 06/20/2009 at 1:17am - misc - by babasheep - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I went into work to change a shift I was unable to work. I phone the first person on the employee sheet and they promptly answer by saying "You still work here? I thought the manager fired you..." I was fired last week and have been showing up for shifts without anybody noticing. FML

#3572353
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42733) - you deserved it (5588)

On 07/08/2009 at 1:21am - work - by mannnnn (man) -

Today, at my softball game, there was one spot left for center field. The coach had to choose between me or the girl who forgot her glasses and was blind without them. He chose her. FML

#104917
33 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44141) - you deserved it (4562)

On 02/22/2009 at 3:41pm - misc - by JRock - United States (Pennsylvania)



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