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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my dog overturned and ate my trash, leaving coffee grounds and dog puke all over my floor. She also ate the broom. FML

#20111523
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12926) - you deserved it (1679)

On 10/11/2012 at 1:08am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Texas)

Today, I went on a long flight. I was fortunate enough to sit next to a great girl. However, she must have thought I was not so great, because she moved to the empty seat across the aisle. Next to my dad. Who then told stories about how I always get motion sickness on airplanes. I then threw up. FML

#19828515
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20267) - you deserved it (3003)

On 06/22/2012 at 10:11am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I am defending a client on trial for perjury. She is a sweet girl and the first person I've loved in years, but she keeps doing everything she can to make herself look guilty in front of the jury. Now I'm having a daily crisis of conscience in the middle of the courtroom. FML

#19597965
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15679) - you deserved it (4596)

On 05/09/2012 at 3:34pm - love - by chieftain (man) - Norway (Vestfold)

Today, I was involved in a 5-way conversation about the movie Inception. I nodded and agreed with things that were said, but couldn't admit that despite having seen it 4 times, I still haven't the foggiest idea of how to explain what it's about. FML

#20099410
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6861) - you deserved it (16753)

On 10/03/2012 at 12:39am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was getting lunch at a fast food restaurant. My boss was in front of me, and in order to get on his good side I offered to pay. Instead, I got fired because I guess my boss assumed I was making fun of his salary, which I knew nothing about. FML

#19956354
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20654) - you deserved it (2498)

On 07/18/2012 at 8:41pm - work - by FOXYgrandpa441 - United States (Wyoming)

Today, I saw a news story about how wearing flip-flops is dangerous. I scoffed at the ridiculous study and went about my business. Three hours later I accidentally ripped off my toenail. While wearing flip-flops. FML

#19980407
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8476) - you deserved it (15184)

On 07/23/2012 at 10:08pm - health - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I let a friend borrow a power saw. When I found it on my porch later, the blade was missing and the cord was cut. Looking closer, I realized it was his saw. He kept my new one. He totally denies that he switched them and now won't answer his door. FML

#20128630
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19473) - you deserved it (1702)

On 10/22/2012 at 6:34pm - misc - by petra84 - United States (Colorado)

Today, my wife told me she'd rather bust up concrete than get it on with me. FML

#19907709
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20720) - you deserved it (3086)

On 07/08/2012 at 1:18am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, at age eighteen, I finished moving out of my parents' house and into my own. The only person to even remotely give a shit was my sister, and that was only because I was taking the cat with me. FML

#20026624
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17816) - you deserved it (1795)

On 08/17/2012 at 3:55pm - misc - by CollegeBound (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I went to Waffle House to talk to the manager about getting a job. My boyfriend now wants to beat up the manager for giving me his number so that I can call him whenever I'm done filling in the application. FML

#20085651
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11915) - you deserved it (2017)

On 09/23/2012 at 8:26pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I saw my crush working the only open till at the grocery store. When she saw me approach her queue, she immediately called for more cashiers. FML

#19823688
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19325) - you deserved it (2823)

On 06/21/2012 at 11:40am - love - by rink.attendant.6 - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my girlfriend got a Twitter account. Now she won't stop hashtagging everything she sends me. FML

#19811531
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14214) - you deserved it (1676)

On 06/19/2012 at 5:59am - misc - by Stu (man) - United States

Today, I was sitting at a bus stop reading a book when out of the corner of my eye I spotted a middle-aged lady in a leopard-skin coat stumble up to me. She stopped, belched twice, and unleashed a torrent of red wine colored vomit onto my bag. It was 8:45 am. FML

#20067411
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20643) - you deserved it (1106)

On 09/11/2012 at 9:32am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)



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