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Today, I decided to use hand sanitizer to mask the smell of my armpits at work. Not only did it intensify the stench, my boss thinks I have a drinking problem, because I vaguely smelled of alcohol. I was too embarrassed to explain. FML

#20063186
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8338) - you deserved it (20800)

On 09/08/2012 at 1:26pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, I left my number on my receipt for a cute waitress. As I was leaving the bar, she came running out and called me over. I obviously got excited. Turns out I'd forgotten to sign my slip. FML

#19516000
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10005) - you deserved it (17922)

On 04/23/2012 at 9:22am - love - by Dave (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my manager came into the dog grooming salon I work at, lecturing about the importance of staying out of a dog's "bite zone". Right then, the dog I was working on bit me. FML

#18765091
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19849) - you deserved it (3755)

On 01/10/2012 at 7:50am - animals - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I got pulled into a conversation about my 62 year old boss's new breast implants. FML

#19354471
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19019) - you deserved it (1934)

On 03/26/2012 at 10:36pm - work - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was about to get in the shower, when I felt an odd itch in my navel. I saw what I thought was bellybutton lint, so I pulled on it, and quickly realized what I had between my fingers was a still-squirming, headless tick. FML

#19648090
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28367) - you deserved it (2503)

On 05/19/2012 at 6:54pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I had to have a discussion with my 54-year-old mother about showering. She thinks it's perfectly OK to shower only once a week. FML

#18913087
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22279) - you deserved it (2716)

On 01/26/2012 at 12:19am - health - by NeedaNosePlug (woman) - United States

Today, as I was finishing running a mile, my entire class begun to cheer me on. I felt happy since I don't have many friends. Only when I got closer did I realize that they were cheering for the girl behind me, and in fact, not one person was cheering for me. FML

#18718517
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26359) - you deserved it (2533)

On 01/05/2012 at 6:40pm - misc - by silvernights21 (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I called an airline's customer service line. Apparently the way that they deal with uncommon problems is by having someone put you on hold for twenty minutes, answer and yell something unintelligible at you, put you back on hold, and repeat. This went on for over an hour. FML

#19397003
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17307) - you deserved it (1731)

On 04/02/2012 at 7:40pm - money - by unfriendlyskies (man) - United States (Rhode Island)

Today, I arrived at work, only to find my computer's massive CRT monitor had been smashed up beyond belief. Everyone else has flat-screen monitors, and I'd made no secret of how unfair it is to me. According to my boss, this makes me the obvious culprit, and now I'm suspended. FML

#19473815
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24234) - you deserved it (2321)

On 04/15/2012 at 5:26pm - work - by ... (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, my fiancé and I appeared in the paper for obtaining our marriage license. In the same column half way down his parents appeared for filing their marriage dissolution petition. FML

#19571944
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17634) - you deserved it (1593)

On 05/04/2012 at 3:19am - love - by Queen_Dread - United States (Washington)

Today, I received a call from the company I applied to, only to have my father pick it up and make fun of the man's accent. They won't call me back or take any of my calls, and my dad is completely unapologetic. FML

#19384586
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23951) - you deserved it (1649)

On 03/31/2012 at 9:00pm - work - by Bashit (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, after weeks of sorting, inspecting, and waiting, my high school's yearbooks were distributed. I'd searched carefully for photo errors and was proud to say there were none. That is, until someone told me that a boy on the last page was flipping the camera the bird. FML

#19642956
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16800) - you deserved it (4139)

On 05/18/2012 at 5:50pm - misc - by ooh cat - United States (California)

Today, I took the day off work to be with my wife, since she's always bemoaning my lack of romantic gestures. As thanks, she spent most of the day reading Fifty Shades of Grey, which is basically a blatant plagiarism of Twilight, starring a pair of two-dimensional BDSM freaks. FML

#19662141
189 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17769) - you deserved it (3304)

On 05/22/2012 at 12:11pm - love - by boblaj (man) - United Kingdom (East Sussex)



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  • Oi! Stop "playing" that digeridoo and get out! There, now that I've tidied up my apartment, we can begin. How are you all doing? Have you got your leather jacket out of storage to go hang out down at…

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