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Today, I saw my friend's car in front of school. I'd had a bad day and just wanted to talk with her. I got in and sat down, and felt something squish beneath me. Turns out it wasn't actually my friend's car, and I'd just sat on a random woman's cake. FML

#20978310
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35401) - you deserved it (24804)

On 12/02/2013 at 3:04pm - misc - by Sherressa (woman) - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex. Just as he was about to finish, he pulled out and came in his hand. He then flicked his hand towards my face and yelled, "Sha-ZAM!" FML

#20999459
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52896) - you deserved it (7893)

On 12/20/2013 at 6:36pm - intimacy - by zamwow (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I realized just how lonely I am when I tried to time my ejaculation to happen right as the new year started. FML

#21012409
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47533) - you deserved it (11158)

On 01/01/2014 at 1:41am - intimacy - by Lonesome (man) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I downloaded a movie for my mom that she really likes, "When Harry Met Sally". When she loaded the file, we soon found out it was actually some kind of obscure porno billed as "When Harry Wet Sally". FML

#21018145
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43972) - you deserved it (8799)

On 01/05/2014 at 6:48pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, there was a forest fire in my town. I was still forced to go to school, as it was safer. A lot of people decided not to go, and we ended up doing nothing but watching the news reports. There, I got to see my house burning on live TV. FML

#21030359
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67373) - you deserved it (4133)

On 01/16/2014 at 10:42pm - misc - by Fire sucks. (man) - United States

Today, I went to the arcade with my dad, and we decided to try out the hurricane simulator, which blasts 60mph air around in an enclosed space. My dad farted halfway through. FML

#21066497
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43648) - you deserved it (4680)

On 02/20/2014 at 12:45pm - misc - by begging for air - United States (Oregon)

Today, a lady who works for my husband confided in me that they've been sleeping with each other and now she's pregnant. She didn't know I was his wife. FML

Today, I found out what it feels like to be slapped in the face with a potted cactus. FML

#21088237
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41735) - you deserved it (5742)

On 03/16/2014 at 3:28pm - health - by thanksdad (man) - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, I spent my first night at my boyfriend's place, and my first night sleeping beside him. I woke up in the early hours to him holding me and muttering in his sleep something like "surprise fisting". I'm beyond terrified. FML

#21078055
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48144) - you deserved it (5899)

On 03/04/2014 at 5:41pm - intimacy - by cockfist (woman) - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)

Today, on my way to Burger King I got into a heated discussion with my wife about our cats. We have 15 rescues, and I've reached my limit. Guess what came running up to my car while waiting in the drive-through. We named him Pickles. FML

#21091449
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43204) - you deserved it (9378)

On 03/20/2014 at 12:31am - animals - by cat whisperer - United States

Today, due to my short temper, I punched myself in the nose because I wouldn't stop sneezing. FML

#21116112
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21810) - you deserved it (53722)

On 04/18/2014 at 7:09am - health - by Ow (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I was taking the biggest shit of my life. When I worked the thing out, it hit the water with such force that I got a toilet water enema from the backwash. I was so freaked out that I screamed and fell off the seat, prompting my husband to rush in to see what was wrong. FML

#21111156
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35596) - you deserved it (8366)

On 04/12/2014 at 2:07pm - misc - by traumatized (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my girlfriend informed me that during the night, I shot up in bed and whimpered tearfully, "I don't have anything for the fancy-dress!" She also decided to share this with all our friends. I'm never going to live this down. FML

#21124489
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36507) - you deserved it (4569)

On 04/27/2014 at 4:51pm - misc - by joe rogan fucking sucks, dude (man) - Australia (Queensland)



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