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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I discovered that even though I now have a key to get into the office, I don't know the code to shut off the alarm system. I showed up early. FML

#16817189
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24600) - you deserved it (3540)

On 06/23/2011 at 2:13pm - work - by hatemyjob (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, my dad informed me that I will be staying in the bug-infested shed for the summer when I come to visit, due to his girlfriend's sewing workspace completely taking over the only room I've ever had at his house. FML

#16792540
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30733) - you deserved it (2230)

On 06/22/2011 at 12:59am - health - by justinj360 - United States (Montana)

Today, for the first time all month I felt truly proud and accomplished. I finally figured out how to change the toilet seat. FML

#16246614
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10679) - you deserved it (21073)

On 05/18/2011 at 11:48pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, after being chronically constipated for the better part of a week, I finally have the urge to poop. Too bad I'm 30 minutes early to work and locked out of the building. FML

#16496230
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29371) - you deserved it (3398)

On 06/04/2011 at 9:07am - health - by missbutthole - United States (New York)

Today, I got hit by a car. My friends left me to get to the hospital myself. The cab was double fare. FML

#18620237
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26825) - you deserved it (2057)

On 12/26/2011 at 11:21pm - health - by Sophie - United Kingdom (Cheshire)

Today, while enjoying breakfast, my teeth took a chunk out of my cheek. This happens regularly, even when I'm talking. Both my doctor and dentist have no idea why, and I'm in utter agony. FML

#19533768
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20236) - you deserved it (2201)

On 04/26/2012 at 7:04pm - health - by bucktooth - United Kingdom

Today, trying to be romantic, I invited my girlfriend over to watch a movie. I said she could pick one up on the way, and I'd pay for it later. I ended up having to suffer through some "movie" that involved nothing but Nicolas Cage gurning like a stroke victim between crappy fight scenes. FML

#18872855
281 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9860) - you deserved it (25281)

On 01/21/2012 at 5:44pm - love - by actor my ass (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, MS Word kept crashing with a memory error, so I called tech support. Instead of actually fixing the problem, their tech wasted over an hour of my time defragmenting the hard drive, disabling the anti-virus, and downloading new video card drivers from some shady site, before giving up. FML

#18283702
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22951) - you deserved it (2960)

On 11/18/2011 at 7:48pm - work - by I quit (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I decided to use hand sanitizer to mask the smell of my armpits at work. Not only did it intensify the stench, my boss thinks I have a drinking problem, because I vaguely smelled of alcohol. I was too embarrassed to explain. FML

#20063186
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7937) - you deserved it (19899)

On 09/08/2012 at 1:26pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, I left my number on my receipt for a cute waitress. As I was leaving the bar, she came running out and called me over. I obviously got excited. Turns out I'd forgotten to sign my slip. FML

#19516000
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9991) - you deserved it (17898)

On 04/23/2012 at 9:22am - love - by Dave (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my manager came into the dog grooming salon I work at, lecturing about the importance of staying out of a dog's "bite zone". Right then, the dog I was working on bit me. FML

#18765091
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19826) - you deserved it (3752)

On 01/10/2012 at 7:50am - animals - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I got pulled into a conversation about my 62 year old boss's new breast implants. FML

#19354471
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18999) - you deserved it (1933)

On 03/26/2012 at 10:36pm - work - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was about to get in the shower, when I felt an odd itch in my navel. I saw what I thought was bellybutton lint, so I pulled on it, and quickly realized what I had between my fingers was a still-squirming, headless tick. FML

#19648090
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27457) - you deserved it (2410)

On 05/19/2012 at 6:54pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States



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