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Today, I was feeling sick, so I called my boyfriend who lives down the street to come and keep me company. He replied with, "no, I can't come over, I'm busy, I'm playing xbox." FML

by vidzgrl / 01/28/2009 at 2:51pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, my girlfriend was packing for her study abroad program. Jokingly, I got her a pack of condoms. She laughed, saying "Oh yeah, I'll definitely need some of those." Later, I showed up to take her to the airport and saw her open suitcase in the kitchen, with the condoms on top. FML

by badtrip / 03/02/2009 at 10:21pm / United States (District of Columbia) / Love

Today, I received a mass email from my boss saying we had a position open at the daycare I work at. I knew my boyfriend was looking for a job so I insisted he apply. Later at work, my boss takes me into her office and tells me my employment is being "terminated". My boyfriend is replacing me. FML

by jcstpierre / 04/24/2009 at 6:41am / United States (Georgia) / Work

Today, at my softball game, there was one spot left for center field. The coach had to choose between me or the girl who forgot her glasses and was blind without them. He chose her. FML

by JRock / 02/22/2009 at 3:41pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was on a crowded subway going home. My trousers were a bit dusty so I tried to dust myself off. As I was slapping the side of my leg I missed and hit a woman behind me in the ass. She called me a pervert and walked off. Everyone stared at me. It takes 40 minutes to get home. FML

by Thithien1 / 04/01/2009 at 2:07am / Korea Republic of (Seoul-t'ukpyolsi) / Transportation

Today, It took me more than 4 hours to set up the back yard for my daughters baby shower. It only took my husband one push of a button to turn on the sprinklers. FML

by stew / 06/23/2009 at 11:47am / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to see a movie with 4 friends. I didn't realize that I was the only one who didn't have a date. The theater row had just enough room for everyone but me, I got to sit in back of everyone else while they were making out in front of me for 2 hours. FML

by Devin / 08/02/2009 at 2:11am / United States (Vermont) / Love

Today, my skin was turning black, and I believed I was reacting to a spider bite. I spent 4 hours waiting in an emergency room in the middle of the night, paid a $100 copay, and missed a night with my boyfriend just to have a doctor wipe dye from my brand new black jeans off with alcohol. FML

by Brooke / 08/09/2009 at 11:23am / United States (Florida) / Health

Today, I found out that I'm immune to laughing gas and partially immune to novocaine while I was getting two teeth pulled. FML

by Anonymous / 08/17/2009 at 8:14pm / United States (Virginia) / Health

Today, was the first day all week I got to sleep in. I woke up this beautiful morning to the sun shining in my window and hundreds of carpenter ants crawling over my sheets and me. FML

by tommy3824 / 08/20/2009 at 8:45am / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, I told my wife to block the mail of her ex (because he was sending her romantic mails) or I would leave. She told me that I could leave. FML

by RedLust / 11/13/2009 at 11:23pm / Bolivia (Cochabamba) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I spent my day alone while my parents and siblings were at school and work. Trying to be helpful, I cleaned out the fridge, did 5 loads of laundry, worked outside, fed the pets and made dinner for the entire family. The evening was spent hearing complaints of how wrong I did everything. FML

by sadcinderella / 12/22/2009 at 2:01am / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was eating a bag of almonds I got from the bulk food store, picking off what I thought was stringy remnants of their shells. When I finally got down to the bottom of the bag, I found a silk worm circling around the last almond left of a bag of about 200. FML

by somechick / 12/09/2009 at 12:25am / Canada (Ontario) / Health