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Today, I asked my father if he was proud that I have never done drugs, never drank alcohol, never had sex, never had psychological problems, never been to the hospital for something serious, never been in a fight and maintain good grades. He told me I was a boring daughter. FML

#20657738
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51533) - you deserved it (18300)

On 05/12/2013 at 1:01am - misc - by peallow (woman) - Puerto Rico

Today, my neighbors called the police and said that they saw, through the window, a suspicious person in my house doing something to my piano. The "suspicious person" was me, in my own house, playing my own piano. FML

#20678725
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43690) - you deserved it (2573)

On 05/21/2013 at 9:57pm - misc - by pianoplayer (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was taking a bus ride home, listening to some music. The music stopped and I assumed my iPod's battery had run out. Turns out someone managed to steal it, leaving my earphones in. I didn't feel a thing. FML

#20688903
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48322) - you deserved it (10426)

On 05/27/2013 at 7:16am - misc - by stupid (woman) - Lithuania (Kauno Apskritis)

Today, my brother looked me dead in the eyes and said his life goal is to find a way to jizz on everyone in the world. I'm scared. FML

#20703677
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55851) - you deserved it (5042)

On 06/03/2013 at 4:14pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Poland (Kujawsko-Pomorskie)

Today, I woke up in bed with a one-night stand. We got really drunk the night before so I went to make a hangover-cure breakfast. Apparently he was so drunk that he didn't remember me, and when he came to the kitchen, he knocked me out with a pan and called the cops. FML

#20694089
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45625) - you deserved it (9103)

On 05/29/2013 at 9:53pm - misc - by paulinapo - United States (New York)

Today, I learned that my wife used to strip while in college. I found this out when I brought her to a work party and my boss recognized her. FML

#20800769
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52251) - you deserved it (3996)

On 07/24/2013 at 3:33am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my husband was chased out of a bar after he was seen slipping something into a woman's drink. I was the woman, the 'something' was aspirin, and that's the last time we ever try to role-play. FML

#20798724
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50239) - you deserved it (28062)

On 07/23/2013 at 12:48am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my 15-year-old daughter's pregnancy test came back positive. I wanted to know who the father is, so I could sit the two of them down to talk the situation through with them. She isn't sure if it's her best friend, or our neighbor's son. FML

#20777059
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64942) - you deserved it (11421)

On 07/12/2013 at 1:19am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I went to the Giants game. During the seventh inning stretch they showed me on the jumbo-tron. It was just in time for the entire stadium to see me pull a tampon out of my purse. FML

#20799228
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61618) - you deserved it (8029)

On 07/23/2013 at 10:49am - misc - by GiantsFan13 - United States (Colorado)

Today, I've been getting calls for over a week on my home phone, cell phone, and the work phone at my night shift, in which someone whispers terrifying Satanic-sounding chants at me. I've now found out that the caller is my best "friend". His explanation: "You seemed lonely, man." FML

#20820394
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42900) - you deserved it (4243)

On 08/04/2013 at 2:07pm - misc - by newbffswelcome (man) - Vietnam (Ha Noi)

Today, I asked out the man of my dreams. He told me he'd ask his dad if it was okay. I thought he was just kidding, until he pulled out his phone and called his dad. After a few minutes of "come on, dad" and "but why?" he hung up and said his dad wouldn't let him. He's 22. FML

#20824090
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55994) - you deserved it (4631)

On 08/06/2013 at 4:35pm - love - by (._. ) (woman) - United States (Iowa)

Today, my husband and I were fooling around, and things got heated. In the heat of things, I told him to tear my panties off. He took it literally and yanked at them with all his might. It's been two hours and I still can't walk straight. FML

#20827713
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47667) - you deserved it (17791)

On 08/08/2013 at 6:15pm - intimacy - by fuck my arse (woman) - United Kingdom (Reading)

Today, I was diagnosed with severe nut allergies. My dad decided to buy jars of Nutella, write "You know you want this" on them, and stick them around the house. FML

#20833620
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47537) - you deserved it (3220)

On 08/12/2013 at 11:24am - health - by nutfreak (man) - United States (Maryland)



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