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Today, after being chronically constipated for the better part of a week, I finally have the urge to poop. Too bad I'm 30 minutes early to work and locked out of the building. FML

#16496230
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29326) - you deserved it (3395)

On 06/04/2011 at 9:07am - health - by missbutthole - United States (New York)

Today, I got hit by a car. My friends left me to get to the hospital myself. The cab was double fare. FML

#18620237
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26781) - you deserved it (2054)

On 12/26/2011 at 11:21pm - health - by Sophie - United Kingdom (Cheshire)

Today, while enjoying breakfast, my teeth took a chunk out of my cheek. This happens regularly, even when I'm talking. Both my doctor and dentist have no idea why, and I'm in utter agony. FML

#19533768
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20172) - you deserved it (2196)

On 04/26/2012 at 7:04pm - health - by bucktooth - United Kingdom

Today, I found out that my beloved guinea pig has impaction. For the rest of his life it will be my duty to clean out his rectum manually every month, or every week/day if it gets worse. FML

#16860122
222 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29620) - you deserved it (4857)

On 06/26/2011 at 1:39am - animals - by animallover (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, trying to be romantic, I invited my girlfriend over to watch a movie. I said she could pick one up on the way, and I'd pay for it later. I ended up having to suffer through some "movie" that involved nothing but Nicolas Cage gurning like a stroke victim between crappy fight scenes. FML

#18872855
281 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9843) - you deserved it (25239)

On 01/21/2012 at 5:44pm - love - by actor my ass (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, MS Word kept crashing with a memory error, so I called tech support. Instead of actually fixing the problem, their tech wasted over an hour of my time defragmenting the hard drive, disabling the anti-virus, and downloading new video card drivers from some shady site, before giving up. FML

#18283702
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22322) - you deserved it (2909)

On 11/18/2011 at 7:48pm - work - by I quit (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I decided to use hand sanitizer to mask the smell of my armpits at work. Not only did it intensify the stench, my boss thinks I have a drinking problem, because I vaguely smelled of alcohol. I was too embarrassed to explain. FML

#20063186
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7915) - you deserved it (19835)

On 09/08/2012 at 1:26pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, I left my number on my receipt for a cute waitress. As I was leaving the bar, she came running out and called me over. I obviously got excited. Turns out I'd forgotten to sign my slip. FML

#19516000
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9967) - you deserved it (17854)

On 04/23/2012 at 9:22am - love - by Dave (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my manager came into the dog grooming salon I work at, lecturing about the importance of staying out of a dog's "bite zone". Right then, the dog I was working on bit me. FML

#18765091
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19779) - you deserved it (3749)

On 01/10/2012 at 7:50am - animals - by Anonymous - United States

Today, for the second time this week, I had to ask my 27-year-old husband to stop peeing on the toilet seat. FML

#19399290
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18483) - you deserved it (4119)

On 04/03/2012 at 1:39am - misc - by lizann - United States (Arizona)

Today, I got pulled into a conversation about my 62 year old boss's new breast implants. FML

#19354471
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18947) - you deserved it (1930)

On 03/26/2012 at 10:36pm - work - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was about to get in the shower, when I felt an odd itch in my navel. I saw what I thought was bellybutton lint, so I pulled on it, and quickly realized what I had between my fingers was a still-squirming, headless tick. FML

#19648090
207 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27396) - you deserved it (2406)

On 05/19/2012 at 6:54pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I had to have a discussion with my 54-year-old mother about showering. She thinks it's perfectly OK to shower only once a week. FML

#18913087
156 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22192) - you deserved it (2710)

On 01/26/2012 at 12:19am - health - by NeedaNosePlug (woman) - United States



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