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Today, I was talking to an art critic at an exhibition. He told me that the artist had no talent and went on to tell me everything wrong with each painting. I'd painted them all. FML

by the bad artist / 09/09/2012 at 8:12pm / Australia (New South Wales) / Work

Today, I found out that just because you express mail something, it doesn't mean the post office won't still lose it. What did they lose? My signed marriage license. We spent all that time and money to get married on the day of our choosing, and our marriage isn't even valid. FML

by mishkaroni / 08/08/2012 at 3:26pm / United States (California) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I realized my acne looks like star constellations. I've already found the Little Dipper on my left cheek. FML

by balletteacher / 09/08/2012 at 4:32pm / United States / Health

Today, I found out the can of spray paint I got at Walmart yesterday has no spray nozzle, rendering it useless. I'm working on a project that needs to be done by the weekend, so I get to go wait in a huge line and risk being trampled to death tonight just to exchange one damn spray paint can. FML

by Unfortunate Painter / 11/22/2012 at 9:56pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was cleaning out my roof's gutter, which was full of leaves. There was an especially big pile, and when I started scooping it up, I felt something squishy. Turns out those leaves were covering the remains of a rotting squirrel. I can't stop smelling it. FML

by orilykid / 10/31/2012 at 1:23pm / United States (California) / Animals

Today, I'm in the hospital and it's been 44 hours since I've eaten anything. My doctors won't let me eat and my parents are sitting across the room, eating. FML

by RayneSong / 11/20/2012 at 6:25pm / United States (Michigan) / Health

Today, I baked some regular brownies for my friend. Just to mess with him, after he ate some, I said they had weed in them. He trashed my room in anger, and still won't believe me when I tell him that I didn't actually slip him any drugs. FML

by mateyouremental / 12/21/2012 at 3:48pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Miscellaneous

Today, it wasn't until I heard something fly off the roof of my car and hit the trunk, then asphalt, that I remembered where I left my phone while unlocking the car door. FML

by Anonymous / 04/17/2013 at 1:51am / Money

Today, I had to listen to yet another delusional fuckface at school bitch about how a girl he's interested in put him in the "friend-zone". I really couldn't focus on my work, so I tried to shut him up by saying he's an idiot, not least because she already has a boyfriend. I now have a black eye. FML

by getafucktoysomewhereelsedude / 05/16/2013 at 4:31pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, I gave my boyfriend our festival tickets to keep hold of while I excitedly went home to get ready. He took someone else. FML

by festival virgin / 05/29/2013 at 3:11pm / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend gave me the painting he had been working on. It was a heart with wings, my name, and the date we started dating. We have been dating for almost a year and a half. He misspelled my name. FML

by Anonymous / 08/25/2013 at 7:30pm / United States (Kansas) / Love

Today, it's my 8 year anniversary. My boyfriend's "romantic" gesture for the occasion was to toss a few McDonald's coupons at me and tell me to get whatever I wanted. FML

by CUNTCUNTCUNT / 01/29/2014 at 4:28pm / Australia (Queensland) / Love

Today, I went on a date. As I hugged him, I felt tingles. As a big believer in clichés, I thought it was the tingles of falling in love. Turns out, it was my allergic reaction to his cologne. I now look like I burned my face. FML

by Burning Love / 03/15/2014 at 3:35am / United States (Arizona) / Love