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Today, I met this overweight chick and ended up sleeping with her. We were doing it doggy style and it was great until she said, "Milk me like a cow." I can no longer drink milk without hearing that in my head. FML

#21132249
212 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52096) - you deserved it (19048)

On 05/06/2014 at 9:55am - intimacy - by chumman (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I had a wonderful dream where I got married to the perfect guy, then had the best sex of my life on a beautiful honeymoon. The only problem is that my "husband" was the snowman from Frozen, and that I got sad when I realized it was just a dream. FML

#21142020
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42591) - you deserved it (9087)

On 05/16/2014 at 5:07pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I came home and saw my cat all snuggled up with another cat on the sofa. I thought it was the cutest thing ever, until I remembered that I only have one cat. FML

#21191841
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42824) - you deserved it (4751)

On 06/28/2014 at 8:09pm - animals - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, I woke up to my young niece hammering a metal cookie cutter into my leg. I'll have a teddy bear shaped scar for the rest of my life. FML

#21199181
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51035) - you deserved it (4889)

On 07/05/2014 at 1:40am - kids - by umerin - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, my brother told my 3 year old son that cool kids call their parents by their real names. This wouldn't be half as bad if he hadn't also convinced my son that my real name was Satan. FML

#21247749
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39261) - you deserved it (3456)

On 08/29/2014 at 8:35am - kids - by Amithatevil - Japan (Kanagawa)

Today, coming home, I opened up my door to find my drunk boyfriend trying to teach our three baby parakeets to perch on his erect penis. FML

#21278553
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35571) - you deserved it (3733)

On 10/15/2014 at 7:36pm - misc - by facepalm (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I sent my sister a text about how fat I was becoming and looking as disgusting as my ex husband. When I checked to see if she had received it I saw that I had accidentally sent it to my ex father in law. FML

#1378
28 comments

I agree, your life sucks (5560) - you deserved it (20306)

On 01/16/2009 at 12:51pm - misc - by abbacjt - United States (California)

Today, I bit into my egg sandwich, and when I looked back into it, there were 5 long, gray, hairs leading from the sandwich into my mouth. FML

#37200
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41206) - you deserved it (3036)

On 02/13/2009 at 2:06pm - misc - by hhaannnnaahh (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I accidentally deleted my entire email inbox. Everything from the last 3 years. EV-ER-Y-THING. FML

#54626
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14301) - you deserved it (51171)

On 02/16/2009 at 5:19pm - misc - by loserman - United States (California)

Today, I found out that my Mom had taken out a loan out on my car from the repo man taking my car away. FML

#4712863
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27029) - you deserved it (2088)

On 08/21/2009 at 4:44pm - money - by jonhapimp (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I had to meet with my landlord to organise when he was coming to look at my flat and decide whether I get my deposit back. In the time it took to see him, my friend drank a bottle of vodka and vomited all over my room and knocked the window through. My landlord is coming in the morning. FML

#4941541
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30286) - you deserved it (4813)

On 08/30/2009 at 10:51pm - misc - by Robbins (man) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, I discovered that I needed to reapply for my job in order to have a chance at keeping it. The applications closed yesterday. FML

#6009884
21 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24817) - you deserved it (5345)

On 10/26/2009 at 5:37pm - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, my landlady decided to fix the leak in my room. Her solution was repainting the ceiling. Now not only is my room still wet but it now reeks of paint thinner. FML

#5860087
17 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22613) - you deserved it (1609)

On 10/17/2009 at 12:27am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Missouri)



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