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Today, while ringing up a girl, I asked for an ID to verify her credit card. She said she forgot it but pulls out her Facebook on her phone to show me it really is hers. FML

by Axelerate / 06/21/2014 at 2:49am / United States (Nevada) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was at the gym, when I saw my uncle at the front desk. I quietly went up behind him and slapped him hard on the back while yelling "What's up, loser?!" He turned around. It wasn't my uncle. FML

by Oops / 07/04/2014 at 1:35pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I was home sick and playing with my dog. I suddenly felt the urge to throw up, so I sprinted to the bathroom. My dog thought this was an invitation to chase me and tackle me to the floor. FML

by furryfriend / 09/16/2014 at 2:46pm / Canada (Alberta) / Animals

Today, my mother-in-law asked for a copy of my son's death certificate so she could have her week-long island beach holiday classed as bereavement leave. FML

Today, I took my driving test. I was really nervous, but I thought I did pretty well in the end. That is until I parked the car and looked to the examiner. He was visibly shaken. He said I'd passed, quickly filled in the paperwork and left. On the downside, my car still smells of his shart. FML

by for shite's sake / 01/17/2015 at 5:24pm / United Kingdom (Kirklees) / Transportation

Today, my sister came out of the closet. By which I mean she came out as the pregnant mother of my boyfriend's child. FML

by Anonymous / 03/01/2015 at 2:03pm / United States (Ohio) / Kids

Today, I lost my virginity to the girl of my dreams. I could tell she really enjoyed it, because she muttered "Well, that was disappointing." afterwards, then got dressed, said she'd made a huge mistake, and asked me not to call her again. Yep, total stud. FML

by Anonymous / 05/01/2015 at 10:22pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, my boyfriend and I were about to have sex, and he asked me to tell him what I wanted him to do. I said I wanted him to make me scream and cum. To which he replied, "Okay, be realistic now". FML

Today, as I sat on my couch heartbroken from a very recent breakup, my mother walked up to me and in a very comforting voice said, "maybe he left you for someone else." FML

by too bad so sad / 02/15/2009 at 6:51am / United States (Massachusetts) / Miscellaneous

Today, after two weeks of living on plain pasta, I finally got my paycheck and was excited that I'd get real food, and ride the subway instead of exhausting my malnourished body with the two-hour walk to work. My surname was misspelt on the check; the bank is holding it for ten days. FML

by A. / 04/15/2009 at 3:48am / Canada (Quebec) / Money

Today, I woke up with the worst cold, ever. My nose was running like crazy and my eyes were all puffy. So I stumbled over to the medicine cabinet and took what I thought were three tylenol cold's. Two hours later I'm still sick and I can't leave the bathroom. They were laxatives. FML

by fuckmyliiiiiiife / 04/30/2009 at 9:40pm / United States (New York) / Health

Today, I was at my friends house. It was dark and downpouring so I couldnt see as I was backing out of his driveway. I made it out, but then my phone went off, scaring me, and I accidentally hit the gas pedal, hitting his neighbor's parked car. Turns out he called to warn me to watch out for it. FML

by Anonymous / 06/08/2009 at 9:25am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was invited out to a date by my ex-boyfriend. He seemed really excited to reconnect and kept holding my hand and complimenting how I looked. Out of nowhere a girl runs up to him screaming. It was his current girlfriend, he was using me to make her jealous. FML

by savvylady / 06/18/2009 at 12:52am / United States (Arkansas) / Love