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Today, I received a poorly-written letter from my asshole neighbor in which he threatened to "sew" me because my dog shat on his lawn again. I went over, asked if he needed some wool for his sewing, and told him to stop being an idiot. Now he's apparently hiring a lawyer for real. FML

#20981890
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37474) - you deserved it (20729)

On 12/05/2013 at 5:26pm - misc - by possibly a sweater (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, my crazy ex-girlfriend legally changed her last name to mine. I'm getting married in a week. FML

#20986172
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49233) - you deserved it (2945)

On 12/09/2013 at 10:10am - misc - by anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, my cousin started sending sarcastic love messages to me. I replied, with even cheesier lines. Then she rang me saying she was so glad I felt the same way. Turns out she wasn't being sarcastic. FML

#20991120
167 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46327) - you deserved it (7570)

On 12/13/2013 at 10:10am - love - by wth? - United Kingdom (Rotherham)

Today, my daughter started speaking with hashtags. I told her to knock it off, to which she replied, "You don't get it, mom - hashtag white girl probs." Hashtag FML

#21016204
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48249) - you deserved it (5041)

On 01/04/2014 at 1:06am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I took an extra xanax to help with my anxiety, then went to sleep. I guess it was probably too much, because I woke up a few hours later, freaking out and panicking because I was convinced I was a bee trapped in a human body. FML

#21008430
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38733) - you deserved it (9264)

On 12/28/2013 at 4:19pm - health - by beemove (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I introduced my girlfriend to my parents. They thought it would be funny to pretend that they're nudists. FML

#21021758
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45135) - you deserved it (3970)

On 01/08/2014 at 7:53pm - misc - by loganHchrist - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, after years of counseling and therapy for my anger issues, I snapped. Two words: Flappy Bird. FML

#21051812
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42667) - you deserved it (12101)

On 02/05/2014 at 10:39pm - misc - by tigerisabelle (woman) -

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, in the very middle of the night, my kitten started rubbing against my face. Thinking I saw her face in the darkness, I decided to kiss her before going back to bed. My lips made contact with her butthole. FML

#21058991
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45026) - you deserved it (15886)

On 02/13/2014 at 10:20am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Nevada)

Today, my students presented their projects on genetics to the rest of the class. One student told the class that salted and unsalted peanuts were an example of genetic variation. She was serious. FML

#21076929
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39905) - you deserved it (3961)

On 03/03/2014 at 2:58pm - work - by Biologyfacepalm (woman) - United States

Today, I locked myself out and had to enter my house via the back door. Thinking I was an intruder, my 7-year-old daughter slammed a metal rake into the back of my head. Nice to know she can take care of herself. FML

#21087156
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43751) - you deserved it (7878)

On 03/15/2014 at 8:21am - kids - by emergencyroom (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, like every month, the beautician spent 10 minutes removing the hairs from my stomach. I'm a girl. FML

#887
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15969) - you deserved it (1865)

On 01/09/2009 at 12:18am - misc - by Noname - Sent from mobile version

Today, I searched for free parking near my work for 30 minutes, trying to avoid paying $12 at a pay lot. I scored a spot, but 1 mile away from the office. I trekked through rain, cold, and got to work late. It was a long hard day, crawled back to my car, and had a $30 ticket on my windshield. FML

#5560693
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9151) - you deserved it (32776)

On 09/30/2009 at 1:34am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I noticed a prospective employer I had been networking with changed her last name on her e-mail signature. I wished the aquaintence congratulations on her new marriage. Her divorce was finalized this week. FML

#12057
16 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7511) - you deserved it (15803)

On 02/06/2009 at 5:40pm - misc - by unlucky (woman) - United States (Wisconsin)



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Thursday 10 April 2014

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