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Today, I woke up without my fiancé in bed next to me, but I assumed he'd gone to work early. I went on Facebook to find that he had posted a break-up post to himself from my account and set my status to single. I then found a note with "Sorry" written on it stuck to the kitchen counter. FML

#20663501
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52769) - you deserved it (3236)

On 05/14/2013 at 6:41pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) -

Today, I asked my father if he was proud that I have never done drugs, never drank alcohol, never had sex, never had psychological problems, never been to the hospital for something serious, never been in a fight and maintain good grades. He told me I was a boring daughter. FML

#20657738
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51419) - you deserved it (18276)

On 05/12/2013 at 1:01am - misc - by peallow (woman) - Puerto Rico

Today, my brother looked me dead in the eyes and said his life goal is to find a way to jizz on everyone in the world. I'm scared. FML

#20703677
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55703) - you deserved it (5031)

On 06/03/2013 at 4:14pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Poland (Kujawsko-Pomorskie)

Today, I was taking a bus ride home, listening to some music. The music stopped and I assumed my iPod's battery had run out. Turns out someone managed to steal it, leaving my earphones in. I didn't feel a thing. FML

#20688903
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48245) - you deserved it (10402)

On 05/27/2013 at 7:16am - misc - by stupid (woman) - Lithuania (Kauno Apskritis)

Today, I was accused of shooting drugs at work. I was only feeding a baby bird that was tucked into my arm using a medicine syringe. I've been smuggling it to work because it has to eat every 2 hours or it will starve. Now everyone there thinks I'm a hardcore dope fiend. FML

#20751061
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44005) - you deserved it (7974)

On 06/27/2013 at 7:56pm - animals - by Gribby - United States (Missouri)

Today, my wife made me moist cat food burgers as a prank. I didnt have the heart to tell her that they tasted better than the ones she usually makes. FML

#20742017
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48670) - you deserved it (4021)

On 06/23/2013 at 1:05am - misc - by kittybad - United States

Today, I found out that the same police officer who has arrested me twice has been sleeping with my wife. FML

#20731650
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (74537) - you deserved it (6779)

On 06/17/2013 at 3:56pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I woke up to a flooded basement. That basement is my bedroom, so I'm completely surrounded by water. All I need is a tiger and this would be like The Life of Pi. FML

#20752548
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46039) - you deserved it (3488)

On 06/28/2013 at 2:07pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Egypt (Al Qahirah)

Today, my boss fired me for being "too morally ambiguous". I work at a bagel shop and had told a customer that I was indifferent towards cream cheese. FML

#20749746
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38477) - you deserved it (3625)

On 06/27/2013 at 2:22am - work - by confusedbagel (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my husband was chased out of a bar after he was seen slipping something into a woman's drink. I was the woman, the 'something' was aspirin, and that's the last time we ever try to role-play. FML

#20798724
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49365) - you deserved it (27592)

On 07/23/2013 at 12:48am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I went to the Giants game. During the seventh inning stretch they showed me on the jumbo-tron. It was just in time for the entire stadium to see me pull a tampon out of my purse. FML

#20799228
169 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61477) - you deserved it (8016)

On 07/23/2013 at 10:49am - misc - by GiantsFan13 - United States (Colorado)

Today, I learned that my wife used to strip while in college. I found this out when I brought her to a work party and my boss recognized her. FML

#20800769
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50700) - you deserved it (3869)

On 07/24/2013 at 3:33am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, my husband and I were fooling around, and things got heated. In the heat of things, I told him to tear my panties off. He took it literally and yanked at them with all his might. It's been two hours and I still can't walk straight. FML

#20827713
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47570) - you deserved it (17757)

On 08/08/2013 at 6:15pm - intimacy - by fuck my arse (woman) - United Kingdom (Reading)



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