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Today, my goat decided my hairstyle was so last season and restyled it for me with his teeth. FML

Today, I found out that the neighborhood call-girl my husband and I secretly joke about is the same woman who secretly pleasures my husband for money. FML

#21263093
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46653) - you deserved it (5927)

On 09/22/2014 at 12:43pm - intimacy - by mislead - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I was at a club and caught a cute guy's eye from across the bar. He smiled at me, got up and came over, then said "Oh shit! You looked way hotter from back there. Damn!" and walked away. FML

#21304109
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35251) - you deserved it (3423)

On 11/22/2014 at 8:33pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I underwent surgery and feeling rather groggy upon being awoken, I very loudly declared, "I've always had a thing for doctors. Kiss me?" then promptly giggled, tried to launch myself in a random doctor's arms and fell flat on my face. FML

#21425055
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26772) - you deserved it (4681)

On 06/12/2015 at 3:43pm - love - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, I realized that I know more about the history of the Transformers than I do about talking to women. FML

#35674
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13794) - you deserved it (43061)

On 02/13/2009 at 3:17am - misc - by AwesomePGnarles (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was in a shopping center when I went to the toilet. I came out, washed my hands and suddenly got a massive itch in my crotch. Without thinking I itched it. I then had to walk around the center with a wet hand print on my crotch. FML

#1384927
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11677) - you deserved it (52970)

On 04/27/2009 at 5:14am - misc - by maddie94 (woman) - Australia (South Australia)

Today, as I was doing the morning count for the registers, a lady walked by and saw me. She's got Alzheimer's, and thought I was robbing the guy I'd bought the store from, so she called the cops. I spent six hours in jail while they looked into it, and didn't even get an apology. FML

#674339
93 comments

I agree, your life sucks (74174) - you deserved it (2996)

On 03/29/2009 at 1:15am - misc - by murphslaw (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I went out drinking with my friends. At the end of the night I got a cab ride home. I must have passed out because when I woke up I wasn’t at my place, but my parent’s house, which is the address on my license…120 miles away. The fare was $220. FML

#5223643
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14153) - you deserved it (43831)

On 09/13/2009 at 4:12am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I told my girlfriend of 9 months that I was ready for marriage and start having kids. She hasn't called or texted me since. FML

#5479094
219 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17410) - you deserved it (66284)

On 09/26/2009 at 1:34am - love - by bigdawg702 (man) - United States

Today, I was on a flight coming back home. On my right was a fat monk who was snoring very loudly, and on my left there were two old women who were talking about their teenage love lives in detail. The flight was 17 hours long. FML

#4707579
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35949) - you deserved it (2859)

On 08/21/2009 at 12:18pm - misc - by ihatelongflights (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I called my girlfriend's parent to ask for her hand in marriage. They were shocked and told me that they would have to refuse. Apparently my girlfriend had told them last week that she had met someone new at work and didn't know how to break it off with me. FML

Today, I surprised my boyfriend at work, only to notice that his neck was covered in hickies. The night before, he texted me saying he needed alone time to get his mind together. Looks like he got together with another mind. FML

#5942129
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37733) - you deserved it (3196)

On 10/22/2009 at 8:09am - love - by LonelyHeart (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, my mom told me that I am going to end up getting myself pregnant. I am 21 and a virgin. She continued to yell at me and call me a liar all night. I don't know which is worse, being a 21 year old virgin or my mother accusing me of lying about it. FML

#6629569
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35585) - you deserved it (3041)

On 12/06/2009 at 3:07am - misc - by virginmary (woman) - United States (Maryland)



Maïté Verjux's illustrated FML

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FML's blog

  • Auntie Bernie delivers in 2016
  • Greetings my young friends! It's 2016 and I'm late. No, I'm not pregnant, I'm way too old for that sort of thing, even though I've been trying a lot recently (hey there Didier, you randy rascal…

Friday 5 February 2016

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