Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Choose a category

Agreed | Deserved | Commented | Favorited

Choose the period

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I went to get my blood drawn to see how far along I am pregnant. The lady stuck both my arms twice and then busted a vein in my right arm. She told me to come back tomorrow to try again. FML

#18875676
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27655) - you deserved it (1979)

On 01/21/2012 at 11:23pm - health - by Boo Boo (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my husband gave my cellphone number to his most obnoxious, creepiest friend. I've been drunken-dialed five times already. FML

#17916897
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22581) - you deserved it (2362)

On 10/06/2011 at 12:40am - misc - by grubbieduc - United States (California)

Today, at work, we've just hired a new load of people. As an icebreaker, we were paired up randomly and told to learn about our partner so that we can introduce them to the group. I got matched up with someone I've worked with for 4 months. Mid-conversation, I blurted out "I don't know your name." FML

#15877109
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8947) - you deserved it (27084)

On 04/21/2011 at 7:49pm - work - by Clueless (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I noticed my 5-gallon glass vase/aquarium was leaking at the base. When I went to move the vase so I could transfer everything to a new aquarium, the bottom completely detached, sending water, sand, sea shells and fish crap everywhere. FML

#18499950
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23162) - you deserved it (5017)

On 12/13/2011 at 12:14am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, after being chronically constipated for the better part of a week, I finally have the urge to poop. Too bad I'm 30 minutes early to work and locked out of the building. FML

#16496230
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29505) - you deserved it (3404)

On 06/04/2011 at 9:07am - health - by missbutthole - United States (New York)

Today, I was at a family dinner, which had gone into meltdown after my aunt said something sarcastic about my mother's drinking. I went out for some fresh air and stumbled about in the dark, unaware of the fact that a pool was being dug. I fell into the huge hole and lost a shoe. FML

#20067208
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18518) - you deserved it (2228)

On 09/11/2012 at 2:47am - misc - by NotDrunk (man) - United States (California)

Today, a woman somehow managed to drop her wedding ring into the garbage at the fast food place where I work. I had to search through a full bag of half eaten food and soda to find it. FML

#17909071
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27398) - you deserved it (2429)

On 10/05/2011 at 1:28am - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that my beloved guinea pig has impaction. For the rest of his life it will be my duty to clean out his rectum manually every month, or every week/day if it gets worse. FML

#16860122
222 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29773) - you deserved it (4868)

On 06/26/2011 at 1:39am - animals - by animallover (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I had to take two buses home from a friend's house. After waiting in the cold for the second bus for 40 minutes, it finally came and I realized that I'd left my wallet on the first bus. It took me 2 hours to walk home and I was locked out because my house key is attached to my wallet. FML

#18541076
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30420) - you deserved it (7040)

On 12/18/2011 at 12:25am - misc - by Kayla (woman) - United States (Nevada)

Today, I woke up to an email confirming my membership to a dating site. Turns out my mother is as annoyed by my loveless life as I am. FML

#19708728
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19266) - you deserved it (2090)

On 05/31/2012 at 7:29am - love - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Birmingham)

Today, because I was the only manager scheduled, I went into work despite feeling sick to my stomach. While sitting down with a customer, I got the urge to throw up and tried to hold it back. Instead I vomited in my mouth, instinctively swallowed and started choking in front of the customer. FML

#19385942
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25264) - you deserved it (3005)

On 04/01/2012 at 12:32am - work - by Kristat (woman) - United States

Today, I tried to impress my wife by doing a bunch of push-ups, despite having a bad shoulder. She told me my form sucks and that I'm an idiot. Now I can barely move my arm and I'm going to have to get it fixed. FML

#19122555
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8992) - you deserved it (30439)

On 02/20/2012 at 12:36pm - love - by WTA (man) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I was transporting liquor between stores for work. A car pulled out and cut me off, causing me to slam on my brakes. My car stopped. The 200 dollars-worth of booze did not. FML

#18859567
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23369) - you deserved it (3025)

On 01/20/2012 at 3:23am - work - by LiquorChick (woman) - United States



Sophie Marie's illustrated FML

The Artist's interview

All illustrated FMLs

FML's blog

  • Sophie Marie's illustrated FML
  • Hi there Friday, great to see you again! What are we going to talk about this week? It's the same question that most people ask themselves while strolling into their usual bar on a Friday night, on their way to…

Friday 27 March 2015

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: