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Today, I was on a flight coming back home. On my right was a fat monk who was snoring very loudly, and on my left there were two old women who were talking about their teenage love lives in detail. The flight was 17 hours long. FML

#4707579
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35130) - you deserved it (2802)

On 08/21/2009 at 12:18pm - misc - by ihatelongflights (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I surprised my boyfriend at work, only to notice that his neck was covered in hickies. The night before, he texted me saying he needed alone time to get his mind together. Looks like he got together with another mind. FML

#5942129
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34463) - you deserved it (2905)

On 10/22/2009 at 8:09am - love - by LonelyHeart (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was tinting my own eyelashes when I missed my eyelashes and stabbed myself in the eye with the applicator loaded with dye. Now, I have beautiful lush black eyelashes, to match my half closed swollen red left eye. Sexy. FML

#5947119
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13401) - you deserved it (28140)

On 10/22/2009 at 6:22pm - health - by Bunni (woman) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I realized that sometimes I forget to turn off my desk light when I leave the room for dinner. I also learned that said desk light can get hot enough to melt plastic, which is why my brand-new laptop screen was literally oozing onto the table top when I got back. FML

Today, I found my son's dead goldfish. Apparently, when it died he didn't flush it. Instead he placed it in one of my socks, placed that sock in a jar, and set the jar in the back of my closet. The fish has been dead for over a month. FML

#6417968
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28952) - you deserved it (2397)

On 11/23/2009 at 2:31am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, my mom told me that I am going to end up getting myself pregnant. I am 21 and a virgin. She continued to yell at me and call me a liar all night. I don't know which is worse, being a 21 year old virgin or my mother accusing me of lying about it. FML

#6629569
180 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34668) - you deserved it (2958)

On 12/06/2009 at 3:07am - misc - by virginmary (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my boyfriend of two years broke up with me because I was "letting myself go". When I told the little girl I babysit in the afternoons why I was so upset, she looked at me for a moment before saying, "Well, I definitely can't blame him." FML

#6716772
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27969) - you deserved it (7932)

On 12/12/2009 at 12:20am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I checked into my flight early. The kiosk asked me if I wanted an earlier flight for $50. Awesome. I swiped my card then continued to the next screen where I was informed my new flight was delayed to the same time as my original flight. FML

#6751982
30 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35979) - you deserved it (5663)

On 12/14/2009 at 1:08pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, my boyfriend of a month and I had sex for the first time. We started in the shower and then moved to his bedroom. He then feel asleep when I was on top. FML

#6991981
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19211) - you deserved it (5466)

On 12/28/2009 at 11:58am - intimacy - by disapointed girl - United States (New York)

Today, I had to wrap presents for a cat. FML

#6910234
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21810) - you deserved it (6791)

On 12/23/2009 at 9:12pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I forgot to take a certain medication that helps turn my lead logs into flaky floaters. So what happens? I'm in the restroom for 30 minutes, straining to go, and two girls walk in and start imitating me. FML

Today, a girl who has had a problem with me for as long as I can remember, tagged me in a Facebook status update in which she equated my intelligence to that of a mollusk and equated my weight to that of a hippopotamus. My boyfriend, as well as several of my "friends," liked it. FML

#13789800
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29296) - you deserved it (4166)

On 11/10/2010 at 12:33pm - misc - by smarter than a mollusk, skinner than a hippo - United States

Today, I'm in a relationship with a guy who yells at me everyday for things I didn't do, is in a dead-end job and is not attractive whatsoever, but I can't bring myself to break up with him because he would get to keep the dog. FML

#14195303
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14945) - you deserved it (50157)

On 12/13/2010 at 9:01pm - love - by blahblah (woman) - Canada (Ontario)



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