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Today, I'm supposed to start my new job as a Crime Scene Tech. Instead, I managed to electrocute myself with my hairdryer. I'll now have to attempt to explain to them that I really am qualified to safely operate an electrostatic lifting device, and other expensive equipment. FML

by Lyn / 01/18/2012 at 6:15am / United States (Florida) / Work

Today, I went to the DMV to get my license. I almost ran over my evaluator as he was walking to get in the car. FML

by baddriver / 01/31/2012 at 12:17pm / United States / Transportation

Today, at work, I got to wait on one of those tables where everyone had very complex orders, and some of them sent their food back. When the time finally came for me to bring them their check and receive my well-earned tip, I returned only to discover that they'd dined and dashed. FML

by WaitedOut / 10/03/2012 at 4:07am / United States (Wisconsin) / Work

Today, my girlfriend decided it would be cute to leave a love letter in my car while I was at work. She left my lights on. I got a dead battery. FML

by Blake Lawrence / 11/26/2012 at 1:59pm / United States (Utah) / Love

Today, I thought maybe I should go to my doctor because my hips crack every time I take a step. But she's also my recently ex-boyfriend's mom, so I have to choose between being in constant pain or having my doctor poke at my hips while asking me why I'm no longer dating her son. FML

by ouch / 01/21/2013 at 9:41pm / Canada (Prince Edward Island) / Health

Today, a man I once worked with passed away. He was a lovely, caring, and inspirational person whom I looked up to. My husband's form of consolation? "Old people die. Get over it." FML

by Anonymous / 03/10/2013 at 10:47pm / United States (Kentucky) / Miscellaneous

Today, after six months of writing a 40 page paper criticizing a famous method, I found out the professor who conceived it has transferred to my favorite college to head the department I'm applying to study in. They require I submit the paper with my application. FML

by GeoKid / 03/17/2013 at 11:09pm / Canada / Work

Today, a drunk man walked into my house at 2pm, screaming out, "Honey, I'm home!" He had the wrong house, but it looks like I've finally met my new neighbour. FML

by nicetomeetyou2 / 09/25/2013 at 12:35pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, my normally very modest and prissy mom came home, pissed off about something. I asked her what was wrong, but she wouldn't say, and snapped at me to "fuck off". She then grounded me for "making" her use that kind of "vile language". FML

by religiunatic / 12/13/2013 at 12:09pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was given a call home, a 3-day-suspension, and a week of detention in school for a "serious violation of the code of conduct." Said violation? Jogging in the middle of the hall. FML

by Anonymous / 04/07/2014 at 7:24pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, I picked up a co-worker from the airport. As she got in the car, she looked over at me and said, "I'm still not sleeping with you". This was our second conversation. The first is when she asked if I could pick her up from the airport. FML

by headdesk / 06/25/2014 at 1:41am / United States (Hawaii) / Intimacy

Today, I went back to work after a vacation, only to find out I'll soon be forced to dress up as one of the princesses from Frozen to promote our store. FML

by PrincessPromotion / 07/26/2014 at 12:29pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work

Today, I painted my nails in the car. After I finished, I stuck my hands out the window to let them dry. When I pulled my hands back in there were live bugs stuck in my nail polish. FML

by ew / 08/03/2014 at 2:49pm / United States (Texas) / Animals