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Today, I walk out of my apartment to find that my car is decorated with explicit drawings and "Happy 21st birthday" stuff written all over it. To top it off, my vehicle is completely wrapped in plastic wrap. I'm 22 and my birthday is in December. FML

by er1133 / 03/11/2010 at 7:04am / Canada (Ontario) / Transportation

Today, my iPod came back from repair and still had a distorted sound. I've been through calls, meetings, and repairs with Apple since Christmas, and it still sounds like the half speaker in my old car. Then I found out the new Nano requires you to push the headphones plug in harder. FML

by EwokLover17 / 03/13/2010 at 12:16am / United States (California) / Geek

Today, I discovered that the wintergreen breath mints I've been taking for a week now, are actually circular, flavored, white and green laxatives. FML

by Anonymous / 03/15/2010 at 7:29pm / United States (Virginia) / Health

Today, while driving on a totally deserted, long, straight road in the middle of the bush, I sneezed and drove right into a pole on the side of the road. It was the only pole for over 50 km. FML

by Mikimiks93 / 07/02/2010 at 11:05am / South Africa (Limpopo) / Transportation

Today, I had a date with a girl at a fancy restaurant. In the middle of it she says, "Excuse me, I have to use the bathroom." I watched her get up, walk over to the door, leave, get in her car, and drive away. FML

by Th3BaconNinja / 06/07/2010 at 10:21pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love

Today, my girlfriend begged me to stay up late and video chat with her because she missed me. Even though I work early mornings, I reluctantly agreed. After waiting up until 2am for her to get online, I gave up. She had fallen asleep. FML

by tryon777 / 07/28/2010 at 8:40pm / United States / Love

Today, I was fired for having a haircut that was 'inappropriate for the workplace'. I have alopecia. My boss told me to stop making up excuses. FML

by Tony / 11/30/2010 at 6:30am / Work

Today, I found out I'm pregnant. My husband and I are divorcing because HE had an affair. He now wants a paternity test. FML

by preggers / 11/29/2010 at 2:20pm / United States (Texas) / Kids

Today, I realized that not only did my parents not get me anything for Christmas, they also stole the $500 my grandparents gave me to buy a computer. FML

by Anonymous / 12/27/2010 at 2:51pm / Estonia (Harjumaa) / Money

Today, I found out that it's extremely difficult to take a dump while holding a cup under your ass for a lab specimen. I also found out that you get so nervous that you can actually forget to lock the door. FML

by Anonymous / 01/19/2011 at 3:34am / Lebanon / Health

Today, at work my boss told me I have been late, under-productive, and using up a lot of sick days. He says my job is on the line. My reason for barely showing up at work: I've been on maternity leave for 6 weeks. FML

by Aginsafa / 04/25/2011 at 7:41am / United States (California) / Work

Today, I worked up the courage to confess my feelings to this girl I'm crazy about. I even wrote and recorded a song for her. Instead of listening to it, she gave it to her ex boyfriend who responded to my heartfelt words by headbutting me. FML

by StratMan / 05/28/2011 at 12:44pm / United States (Connecticut) / Love

Today, my mother "borrowed" money from my stash to help pay for her vacation to the Dominican Republic. The same trip I'm not allowed to go on. FML

by Poor Student / 12/05/2011 at 5:30pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Holidays