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Today, I had a cold and was vomiting. I sneezed really hard, smacking my nose onto the toilet seat. I woke up a few minutes later with my nose bleeding, painful, and still stuffy. FML

by Anonymous / 09/24/2010 at 10:35pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Health

Today, I was fired for having a haircut that was 'inappropriate for the workplace'. I have alopecia. My boss told me to stop making up excuses. FML

by Tony / 11/30/2010 at 6:30am / Work

Today, during a dinner party, some friends brought up how sweet, innocent and caring they thought I was. I had to sit there as my drunk boyfriend cut them off and loudly argue that I was neither sweet nor innocent, and really nothing that special at all. FML

by Lily / 01/08/2011 at 11:01am / United States (New York) / Love

Today, I found out my boyfriend is only with me because he's in love with my sister, who turned him down repeatedly, and I'm the closest he can now get. FML

by Username / 01/11/2011 at 4:45am / Love

Today, my parrot won't stop repeating my boyfriend's name. The problem is we broke up days ago and my parrot won't shut up. FML

by Anonymous / 01/12/2011 at 11:05pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Animals

Today, while trying on an outfit in the dressing room at the mall, I got locked in. I decided to take 5 minutes to try and get out by crawling under the door. After I got out, I realized I left my cell phone, my purse and my pants inside. FML

by Niquesha / 04/23/2011 at 7:56pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at my friend's house, and I asked if I could try on one of her dresses. It was a little snug, but I got it on. When it came time to take it off though, it wouldn't budge. My friend and her mom had to cut it off me. FML

by Apple / 06/12/2011 at 1:54pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, my bike abruptly stopped working, torpedoing me headfirst into the sidewalk. I lay there in agony for a few minutes, and the only guy who saw it happen said, "Lucky you didn't get hurt!" FML

by Tequila / 06/20/2011 at 12:12pm / Netherlands (Overijssel) / Health

Today, I missed a call from my mom. It's my birthday, and glad she remembered, I called back to thank her. She was surprised when I brought up going out for dinner, and asked me what the occasion was. FML

by Anonymous / 07/21/2011 at 12:40pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my car broke down in the middle of the street. Lucky for me, two guys helped me push my car to the side of the road. Right when I was about to thank them, they stole my purse. FML

by mommydearist / 10/19/2011 at 1:01am / United States (Texas) / Transportation

Today, I discovered that when the man living in the house behind me thinks no one in the surrounding area is home, he likes to take his laundry off the line wearing nothing but a pair of sandals. FML

by disturbedtosaytheleast / 01/27/2012 at 6:19am / Canada / Miscellaneous

Today, I just finished my first week of unemployment. I don't have any money. I also just finished the last toilet paper roll. FML

by INeedMoney / 01/28/2012 at 12:58am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Money

Today, I went shopping first thing in the morning to avoid the crowd. Having recently had surgery on my knee, I used an electric scooter to shop. The scooter died in the middle of the store. No one was around to help me. FML

by crippled shopper / 01/27/2013 at 12:23am / United States (Illinois) / Health