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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, wanting to impress my date, I bullshitted her about how I was an environmental scientist. She got so impressed that she invited me over to her place. Not her home, her office. So that I could give her pointers on her current project. She's a real environmental scientist. FML

#20531914
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8802) - you deserved it (67744)

On 03/05/2013 at 3:48am - work - by is there a environmental scientist in the house? - United States (California)

Today, I sneezed. My boyfriend told me to shut up. FML

#20555936
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35165) - you deserved it (8957)

On 03/23/2013 at 1:44am - love - by SierraDiaz2097 - United States (Mississippi)

Today, my fiancée and I showed my mother-in-law a picture of the location at which we'll be holding our wedding reception. It's a beautiful waterfront building overlooking the ocean. She looked me dead in the eyes and said, "Looks like a good place to commit suicide." FML

#20543312
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32932) - you deserved it (2401)

On 03/14/2013 at 10:40am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Latvia

Today, I learned that my parents are planning to divorce. My dad said, "I'll take Rachel." Rachel isn't even his daughter; I am. Rachel is my mom's daughter with her first husband. FML

#20567711
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36523) - you deserved it (2390)

On 03/31/2013 at 12:14am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I found out that my daughter has been stuffing my push-up bras and lipstick into her backpack, putting them on at school, and taking them off before she gets home. She's 9. The only reason I found out is because her teacher reported me to social services. FML

#20582376
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49419) - you deserved it (4881)

On 04/09/2013 at 4:42pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my girlfriend was giving me head during the horror flick we were watching. Little did I know, my girlfriend isn't a big fan of horror films. It was during a sex scene that intensified the moment. The same sex scene from which emerged a sudden jump-scare. I now have bite marks on my penis. FML

#20547294
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28129) - you deserved it (49222)

On 03/17/2013 at 5:07am - intimacy - by Cliché... or Touché? -

Today, I kissed my gorgeous new boyfriend for the first time. I ran my hands through his hair; a multitude of dandruff rained out and five lice crawled onto my hand. FML

#20554606
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49847) - you deserved it (6537)

On 03/22/2013 at 1:28am - love - by eww. (woman) - Australia

Today, an attractive guy came up to me and told me that I looked sexy in a picture online. He then asked himself why he had never asked me out before. Apparently, he doesn't remember our 6-month relationship, or how it ended when he slept with my sister. FML

#20548927
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42691) - you deserved it (3083)

On 03/18/2013 at 4:28am - love - by mcds2 (woman) - United States

Today, I was yelled at while I was shopping by some lady, because she saw my tattoo on my arm. She screamed that I'm the "spawn of Satan" and told me I'm going to hell. It's a fake tattoo of Mickey mouse. FML

#20581879
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38533) - you deserved it (3436)

On 04/09/2013 at 7:05am - misc - by MickyIsEVIL - Japan (Aichi)

Today, I was at University when a giant mascot started walking in my direction. As they walked past, they whispered my name seductively. I still don't know who it was. FML

#20578916
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35362) - you deserved it (4838)

On 04/07/2013 at 10:51am - work - by confused - Australia (Victoria)

Today, while shopping for a birthday present for my size 0 friend, I picked out a pair of pants for her. When paying, the cashier looked me up and down and said, "Well, you're pretty optimistic aren't you?" FML

#20574572
179 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45666) - you deserved it (3801)

On 04/04/2013 at 11:12am - misc - by NotASize0 (woman) - Denmark

Today, my school announced its senior motto for the year. For the second year in a row, it's "YOLO". FML

#20586452
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47448) - you deserved it (5437)

On 04/12/2013 at 1:21pm - misc - by it's a wonder I'm not illiterate as fuck - United States (New Jersey)

Today, while practicing a song in choir, I got a boner. Trying to cover it up, I tried sitting down. My choir teacher got mad and made me stand in front of the whole class. FML

#20615694
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69199) - you deserved it (9139)

On 04/23/2013 at 12:08pm - intimacy - by Soundofaboner - United States



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