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Today, my boyfriend wrote me a long poem that ended with, "Please don't get another mister / I regret I screwed your sister". FML

#21014860
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48067) - you deserved it (3502)

On 01/02/2014 at 10:50pm - love - by notakeeper - United States (Florida)

Today, I took an extra xanax to help with my anxiety, then went to sleep. I guess it was probably too much, because I woke up a few hours later, freaking out and panicking because I was convinced I was a bee trapped in a human body. FML

#21008430
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38736) - you deserved it (9263)

On 12/28/2013 at 4:19pm - health - by beemove (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, as if having to endure the noises of my parents having sex in the next room wasn't painful enough, my mom decided to shout, "Yeah! Like a horse!" I want to cry. FML

#21028949
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52950) - you deserved it (4597)

On 01/15/2014 at 5:29pm - intimacy - by DisturbedMan (man) - United Kingdom (Kent)

Today, I had an upset stomach all day at work. When lunch break came, I rushed to the bathroom. Just as I turned into an unstoppable human whoopie cushion, a co-worker walked in. He heard the entire arse symphony, and just asked "What the fuck, dude?!" as he left. FML

#21045407
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39280) - you deserved it (3992)

On 01/30/2014 at 5:46pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Lancashire)

Today, I was having some kinky sex with my girlfriend. When I said "You've been a bad girl", she looked at me wide-eyed and asked very seriously, "What did I do?" FML

#21068134
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43460) - you deserved it (7324)

On 02/22/2014 at 12:39am - intimacy - by awkward (man) - United States

Today, I dreamed that Robert Downey Jr. kept flirting with me and asking me out. Each time, I refused him, because I'm taken. When I proudly told my boyfriend, he said, "What the hell? I could've kissed the mouth that kissed the Iron Man!" FML

#21049393
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38545) - you deserved it (7451)

On 02/03/2014 at 3:11pm - love - by Can't Believe It. - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I went down on my boyfriend for the first time. My hand-eye coordination went straight to hell and I managed to accidentally smack my nose into his penis. He told all his friends about it, and I'm apparently now known as Woodpecker. FML

#21054451
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42576) - you deserved it (7555)

On 02/08/2014 at 1:49pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, things were getting heated with the girlfriend. We were mostly naked, but mostly wouldn't do, so I kissed her deeply and whispered into her ear, "You should lose some weight". Clothes. I meant to say clothes. FML

Today, I sent my sister a text about how fat I was becoming and looking as disgusting as my ex husband. When I checked to see if she had received it I saw that I had accidentally sent it to my ex father in law. FML

#1378
24 comments

I agree, your life sucks (4793) - you deserved it (18128)

On 01/16/2009 at 12:51pm - misc - by abbacjt - United States (California)

Today, I had a date with a girl. After movies and dinner we came back to my place. I had to go to the washroom BADLY. I took a BIG #2 and when I went to flush the toilet to my horror it didn't flush. FML

#1663
26 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16396) - you deserved it (2662)

On 01/18/2009 at 8:01pm - misc - by frankie - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I bit into my egg sandwich, and when I looked back into it, there were 5 long, gray, hairs leading from the sandwich into my mouth. FML

#37200
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38524) - you deserved it (2823)

On 02/13/2009 at 2:06pm - misc - by hhaannnnaahh (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I accidentally deleted my entire email inbox. Everything from the last 3 years. EV-ER-Y-THING. FML

#54626
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13049) - you deserved it (49189)

On 02/16/2009 at 5:19pm - misc - by loserman - United States (California)

Today, I did my work, the work of my co-worker who called in sick and the work of my boss who has no idea what the hell is going on all at the same time. I didn't get a promotion because I don't work hard enough. FML

#101471
14 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37262) - you deserved it (2559)

On 02/22/2009 at 1:14am - work - by Noname (man) - Australia (New South Wales)



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