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Today, the Chinese student I've been teaching English to got on stage in front of hundreds of people to read her final essay. She ended with, "What a fucking day." I don't swear, and I no longer have a job. FML

#20571924
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29786) - you deserved it (2069)

On 04/02/2013 at 5:14pm - work - by effiestonem154 (woman) - United States

Today, I had to present a project for my science class. I began explaining my project; looking at all the bored people, I got incredibly nervous. My nervousness then caused me to laugh hysterically, causing my classmates to laugh. My teacher felt sorry for me and told me to sit down. FML

#20562656
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25693) - you deserved it (2573)

On 03/27/2013 at 5:12pm - work - by esbemebe1113 (woman) - United States (Georgia)

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, while shopping for a birthday present for my size 0 friend, I picked out a pair of pants for her. When paying, the cashier looked me up and down and said, "Well, you're pretty optimistic aren't you?" FML

#20574572
186 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40651) - you deserved it (2711)

On 04/04/2013 at 11:12am - misc - by NotASize0 (woman) - Denmark

Today, while going down on my girlfriend, I finally managed to give her an orgasm. During that orgasm, she tore out a clump of my hair, causing me to scream in pain. She scowled and said, "Ah shut it, ya little bitch." FML

#20577693
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40625) - you deserved it (8115)

On 04/06/2013 at 3:13pm - intimacy - by dating walter white's gf apparently (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I was trying sell a customer a top-of-the-line surround sound system. Apparently he was aware that I work on commission, as he threatened to buy the system elsewhere unless I sang Rebecca Black's "Friday" in front of the whole store. Goodbye, self-respect. FML

#20610052
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37651) - you deserved it (4429)

On 04/21/2013 at 12:03pm - money - by a little less poor at least (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my fiancée broke off our engagement. For some bizarre reason, she'd hidden a pair of expensive boots and her iPad underneath our ride-on mower. I turned the mower on and destroyed both without realizing it. According to her, the fault is all mine. FML

#20630400
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45204) - you deserved it (2850)

On 04/29/2013 at 2:07pm - love - by Wow. Really? - United States (Ohio)

Today, I was on hold with the cable company for an hour. When I finally got someone, I walked into the kitchen to where it was quiet and slid across the floor, falling on my butt and losing my connection on the phone. My 2-year-old son had sprayed the floor with nonstick cooking spray. FML

#20601672
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37586) - you deserved it (4968)

On 04/18/2013 at 7:26am - kids - by cowgirl927 - United States

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I walked in on my sister apparently trying to eat herself out. FML

#20637584
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54298) - you deserved it (5692)

On 05/02/2013 at 7:54pm - intimacy - by future brain bleach addict (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I was denounced for being a terrible person, because my family raises chickens, some of which we eat. I was then told how cruel I am for "killing innocent birds" and that "good" people buy their meat from the supermarket. FML

#20623167
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41353) - you deserved it (2229)

On 04/26/2013 at 2:01pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Mexico (Baja California)

Today, my boyfriend yelled at me. Apparently I'm not the "classy girl" he thought I was, and he's not comfortable "doing such vile things in public." I had tried to hold his hand. FML

#20664518
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42930) - you deserved it (3198)

On 05/15/2013 at 2:43am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, like every month, the beautician spent 10 minutes removing the hairs from my stomach. I'm a girl. FML

#887
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13125) - you deserved it (1372)

On 01/09/2009 at 12:18am - misc - by Noname - Sent from mobile version

Today, wanting to change from the usual pizza/coca cola menu, I decide to cook. After spending 1h30 making a "beef chili with ancho, mole, and cumin" I sprinkle a bit of salt on top of it. The top came off the salt. I think it's back to pizzas for me. FML

#1229
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (12826) - you deserved it (2089)

On 01/15/2009 at 11:00am - health - by j0j0 - France (Aquitaine)

Today, I fell flat on my ass while running for the subway. Made it on only to find out that it was standing by for ten minutes. I then got to ride all the way to work with a train full of people who watched me fall. FML

#3586
14 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10924) - you deserved it (1897)

On 01/30/2009 at 6:30am - work - by Weter - United States (Massachusetts)



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