Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
  • - CAUTION: Read your message over. Please don't use text language and avoid making too many spelling mistakes.
  • - Please note that spam and nonsensical stories will result in you being blocked from accessing FML.
Your nick:
Categories :
Man or woman?

Choose a category

Agreed | Deserved | Commented | Favorited

Choose the period

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my boyfriend "finally figured out" that he couldn't possibly be the father of my child, and publicly broke up with me. When I reminded him that I was already pregnant when we first met, he "extra" broke up with me for making him look stupid. FML

#20696470
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43481) - you deserved it (6488)

On 05/30/2013 at 11:28pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I was accused of shooting drugs at work. I was only feeding a baby bird that was tucked into my arm using a medicine syringe. I've been smuggling it to work because it has to eat every 2 hours or it will starve. Now everyone there thinks I'm a hardcore dope fiend. FML

#20751061
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42508) - you deserved it (7793)

On 06/27/2013 at 7:56pm - animals - by Gribby - United States (Missouri)

Today, my spouse asked me if I could transfer some of the passion I have for buffalo wings into our relationship. FML

Today, I was lifeguarding a pool party for a bunch of eight year olds. One of them decided it'd be funny to have a contest to see who could make the most bubbles with their farts. It led to three kids shitting themselves in the pool, and me having the dubious honor of cleaning it up. FML

#20823903
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54471) - you deserved it (4093)

On 08/06/2013 at 2:07pm - kids - by benjo - United States

Today, I was diagnosed with severe nut allergies. My dad decided to buy jars of Nutella, write "You know you want this" on them, and stick them around the house. FML

#20833620
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46054) - you deserved it (3107)

On 08/12/2013 at 11:24am - health - by nutfreak (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I was asked to leave a church service for laughing at the kids trying to sing. FML

#20876850
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20572) - you deserved it (70175)

On 09/11/2013 at 9:29am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Milton Keynes)

Today, my girlfriend made bacon sandwiches for lunch. I didn't want to be rude, but I couldn't help but mention that the bacon smelled and tasted weird. I thought it may have expired. She said not to worry because she used the dry bacon under the counter. Those were dog treats. FML

#20894470
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44847) - you deserved it (3994)

On 09/24/2013 at 3:08pm - misc - by Undercooked (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was working a kid's birthday party dressed as a clown. The child's mother made me change because he was scared of clowns. The only thing I had in my car was a princess costume that was owned by a girl co-worker. So for 4 hours I had to entertain in a tight pink dress. I'm a guy. FML

#20913049
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39942) - you deserved it (4248)

On 10/08/2013 at 9:19pm - kids - by Allycat (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I fell asleep while at the beach with friends. Someone thought it would be funny to put chunks of bread on and around my junk. Seagulls have sharp beaks. FML

#20920631
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37679) - you deserved it (4002)

On 10/14/2013 at 8:16pm - misc - by zzfreakshow (man) - United States (California)

Today, my dad met my boyfriend for the first time. He soon "casually" took a huge knife from the kitchen drawer and told my boyfriend that he's always wondered what it'd be like to stab someone. FML

#20967242
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41662) - you deserved it (4212)

On 11/22/2013 at 8:08pm - love - by quit fucking up my life (woman) - United States (Alaska)

Today, my sister introduced our parents to her new boyfriend. He's my boyfriend, and he told me he was going to be out of state for a few weeks on business. FML

Today, I fell asleep at my bus stop following a long day at work. I woke up to a homeless man giggling after he had clipped dozens of clothespins to my clothes, shoes, and hair in my sleep. FML

#20964867
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34276) - you deserved it (6853)

On 11/20/2013 at 7:12pm - misc - by 43_clothespins_later (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was having it off with my boyfriend when all of a sudden he stops, grabs my breasts with both hands, makes circular motions with them, and yells, "Daniel-san! Wax on! Wax off! Wax on! Wax off!", killing my orgasm dead. FML

#20981063
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39917) - you deserved it (4263)

On 12/04/2013 at 10:19pm - intimacy - by KarateKid76 (woman) - Australia (Victoria)



FML's blog

  • Zoé's Illustrated FML
  • Hey there, young whippersnappers. Yes, you, the youth. I’m talking to you, sitting at home, scratching your asses. Why aren’t you doing something more constructive with your lives? Stop watching that shit…

Friday 18 April 2014

The whole blog

FMyLife, world tour

Available on: