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Today, I took my son to the playground and watched him have fun. Minutes later, I was being shoved around and called a pedophile because I was there alone with no wife. By the time I convinced them I was innocent, my son was bawling. FML

by pledonasm / 03/15/2015 at 12:11pm / India (Maharashtra) / Kids

Today, my boyfriend dumped me for another girl, via a text message ending with "No hard feelings. Well xcept 4 my cock obvs. ;)" Fuck you, Rick. FML

by Anonymous / 03/01/2015 at 1:59pm / United Kingdom (Suffolk) / Love

Today, I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes. My mom's reaction was, I shit you not, to tell me to "walk it off". FML

by Anonymous / 05/02/2015 at 5:59am / United States (Oklahoma) / Health

Today, I got drunk and hooked up with some random chick. Later, I found out she's Facebook friends with my girlfriend. They used to be best friends when the girl was a senior. Small world. FML

by Noname / 01/11/2009 at 2:13pm / United States (Virginia) / Love

Today, I met a girl who had a deeper voice than I do. FML

by Daryll / 01/21/2009 at 7:44pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, I was in a shopping center when I went to the toilet. I came out, washed my hands and suddenly got a massive itch in my crotch. Without thinking I itched it. I then had to walk around the center with a wet hand print on my crotch. FML

by maddie94 / 04/27/2009 at 5:14am / Australia (South Australia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend was continuously telling me how great my best friend smelled the other night and how I should wear some perfume that smelled like that. I have the same exact perfume and have been wearing it for months. FML

by badboyfriend101 / 05/12/2009 at 11:22am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Love

Today, we had to have our vet put our horse down. Afterwards we were discussing burial options. We then find the cat with a broken neck. Had to have her put down also. Now we have animal services questioning us for animal abuse. FML

by farmwithnobarn / 05/30/2009 at 1:48am / United States (Florida) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was talking to my friend about my life and she stopped me mid-sentence and told me that my life makes her sad. FML

by why... / 02/01/2009 at 12:37pm / United States (Michigan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was at the gym with my friends when they invited me to do a few bench presses. Since I'd never done any before, I decided to start with no weights on the bar and work my way up from there. I wound up pinned beneath the bar, calling for my friend to come free me. FML

by MarcusJones713 / 04/08/2009 at 7:17am / United States (North Carolina) / Miscellaneous

Today, I texted everyone in my phone to remind them mother's day is tomorrow. Everyone including the boy whose mom died last year. FML

by Anonymous / 05/09/2009 at 4:38pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Miscellaneous

Today, my girlfriend talked me into tanning in a tanning bed for the first time ever. I have never tanned before and didn't know you are supposed to ease into it. I tanned for 15 minutes in the "super bed" and have lobstered. My ass and nuts got the worst of it. FML

by Crispy / 06/21/2009 at 1:05am / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was playing tennis with my friend. He hit a ball up high, and I slammed it down, thinking there was no way he would get it. Feeling pretty good about it, I turned around to celebrate. As I turned around, I got smacked in my face. He got it. FML

by Name / 07/11/2009 at 12:20am / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous